The Son and the Sparrow

Chapter Fifty(v3)

Chapter Fifty

Philip walked out of the hospital into the bright sunlight, keeping his eyes to the ground as he walked. He was accustomed to looking down as he walked rather than ahead, had quite a talent for it in fact. He maneuvered around the moving people with ease, almost grace if there was a large enough crowd. He did this with most people-stared at the ground when they talked to him. He remembered when he and Daniel were still strangers and while talking Daniel had put his finger under Philip's chin and lifted it so that they properly faced each other. Philip was shocked by the touch, and even more shocked that he didn't recoil from it. Instead of shaking his head away or drawing back, he simply held the gaze, looking into Daniel's eyes with a frightened expression. There was something comforting about it, yet equally terrifying. Even this small connection he had with Daniel at that moment was something he didn't have with many people.

Philip almost choked out a sob, but at the last minute held it in. When he arrived at his car, he took a look around, the people walking, talking, driving, going to the grocery store, making dinner, getting drunk off their asses, going to work, and the normality of it struck him as incredibly peculiar. It was so average, like every other day. His world may have stopped moving, but that didn't stop Earth from spinning on its axis. The world in general wasn't in mourning, even though his had shattered. How insignificant. As he pulled out of the parking space, he continued down his line of memories. When he and Cale had joined the flock, for a time he tried to hide his homosexuality. It wasn't difficult as his sexual desire wasn't strong. He didn't possess a charismatic nature, so talking to others, let alone someone he might be interested in proved impossible. After a time of longing, he had relented to simply content himself with daydreams but nothing more. Daydreams were safe. When he had met Daniel, it hit him that Daniel did possess a charismatic gift. Philip envied it. There was this fascinating way that Daniel drew others through a genuine personality. It was as though he bared his soul to anyone who wanted to take a look, and it was this open authenticity that drew so many to him.

Philip was one of these people. He found it so alien that someone would be so revealing to a complete stranger. He, who hid himself from all others, found himself drawn to this friendly smiling man. Daniel's openness left Philip with a longing to share the intimacy that Daniel gave freely to him. It wasn't long until Daniel began to pay him particular attention. Perhaps he could sense the boy's interest, and matched it with an interest of his own. At first Philip didn't even realize what was happening, that Daniel was getting closer to him in a romantic way. They simply talked, took walks while the rest were asleep. Before long Philip was telling Daniel everything, sharing his most private thoughts with only some reluctance. The only thing he refused to share was his romantic interest. And then, one night under the light of the moon Daniel had scooped up Philip's hand. Philip had stopped, and felt the urge to rip his hand back from pure shock, but Daniel's smile had immobilized him.

"I..." Daniel looked away with embarrassment. "I'm sorry." He let Philip's hand drop, hiding his hand behind him. "I know you're not ready yet."

Philip hadn't known what to say. After a few moments of silence, he uttered the soft words, "I don't understand."

Daniel proceeded to explain to him his childhood and school years, how he had almost ended everything before Leon stopped him. "It's not easy being like this. To accept yourself like this when so many others despise it, despise you for it. I can understand why you would want to hide it, or why you would be shy about it."

Philip couldn't help but give a small smile. It was those words, that understanding , that really drove him to Daniel. Without a word, Philip had placed his hand in Daniel's and they walked on.