Maybe This Time

Chapter 28: I'm Sorry

Ella POV

After ng libing nagpa-iwan muna ako sa sementeryo. Ironically even if it's the place where loved ones cry their hearts out for the ones they just lost, the place looks awfully serene and calming. While this is where 6 feet under felt like a million miles away, it's also where I felt most connected to the ones who left. At least for me, that's how I feel about it. The place was expansive, covered in uneven green terrain where a few tombstones lay flat on the ground surrounded by a pond in a distance.

I was deep in my thought ng may biglang tumabi sa akin na umupo sa damuhan.

"Hindi ka pa raw nila nakikitang umiyak"

I just gave her a faint smile. Partly because I didn't know how to respond to what she said and partly because nahihiya akong humarap sa kanya.

"Nag-aalala na sila sayo"

I was just quiet.

"La, ok lang maging mahina. Ok lang ipakita mo yun"

I sighed. "Alam ko naman yun eh... Akala ko nga mailalabas ko na ngayon. Pero wala pa rin"

"Gusto mo ba mapag-isa?"

"Hindi. Ok lang" sabay tingin ko sa kanya at lumingon din siya sa akin. "Dito ka lang." With a look hoping she'd say yes to.

Napalunok naman ako bago nakapagsalita ulit.

"Je... I'm sorry... Mali yung iniwan kita sa ere... Mali ako dun. I'm sorry. Galit ka pa ba sa akin?"

She was quiet for a while, looking at a distance before she responded.

"Nagalit oo. Pero eventually naintindihan ko... Nung isang gabi ulit magagalit na sana ako sayo kasi hindi mo pa rin ako kinakausap but given the situation, syempre hindi nalang. Kahit hindi mo ako kausapin ngayon hindi pa rin ako magagalit. Pero kapag bukas, hindi mo pa rin ako kinausap, yun... Magagalit na ako." she smiled at her joke and I did the same.

We were then quiet for a while again until she said, "I know what you did. I know hindi lang si papa mo ang reason kaya ka umalis."

Napayuko nalang ako.

"Shouldn't I have at least have a say in it?"

I simply nodded.

"La, wag mong solohin lahat"

"I'm sorry"

She stayed quiet, so nagtanong na ako.

"Bakit mo ginawa yon?"

"Ang alin?"

"Sinabi sa akin ni ate"

She heaved a sigh before speaking. "Actually hindi ko rin alam... It was just one time sana, bigla ko lang na-isip sina mama mo, gusto ko  lang sana siyang bisitahin at kamustahin. Hanggang sa... yun na... Pabalik-balik na ako dun, hindi ko na namalayan yung oras, isang taon na pala."

"Thank you... Thank you for being there for them when I couldn't"

"I didn't just do it because of you La... Naawa akong isipin na nangungulila sila sayo and napalagay na din ang loob ko kina tito at tita. Eventually kina kuya at ate mo din. Alam ko na nga yung password eh"

Napatawa naman ako dun. "Ah, so pinag-uusapan niyo pangbu-bully nila saken"

"Syempre, ikaw wala dun eh so sino pa ba pag-uusapan namin"