we were all stood looking at jays shit tent
"it's only temporary. my new fuck pad is still under construction"
"in your mind" my brother says and we roll our eyes going to get into the tent
"oi jay who are these pale little bastards?" this old australian man and a quiet chubby boy come out of the house a few feet away from the tent
" these are my friends from England. Simon, neil and liv" jay introduced us
"and..."
"and will" jay adds on
"uncle brian, cousin shane" jay introduced them to us
"how's australia treating you fellas?" he looks me up and down "and lass"
"oh what a place so interesting" will starts
"greatest fucking country on earth" he is interrupted
"jays been telling us all about the shelas he's been shagging" neil sounds so proud of his friend
"has he? well that's bullshit"
"shocking" i mumble
" the closes thing this little runt has had to a vag is when the dog dropped period down his leg and don't pretend you didn't get a boner"
"good one bry" jay embarrassedly chuckles
"what was that?"
"nothing uncle bryan" his face straightened out
"hey some nights for shits and giggles me and shane shine a torch through the tent we can see him sitting up all silhouetted like bashing away on his little platypus" the crudity of the man's words are making me uncomfortable matched with the fact 'cousin shane' keeps staring at me like i'm a piece of meat
i stand closer to neil who somehow senses that i'm uncomfortable and pulls me behind him and i cling onto his arm like a child
"well don't fall in the fuck hole"the australian man laughs at himself and starts to walk into the house and i can see shane still looking at me but neil walks forward squaring up to him making him follow his dad back inside
"he's nice isn't he" my brothers sarcasm very evident
"he's alright he's just" jay struggles to find the words
"australian"
"yeah"
"well it's pretty obvious we can't stay here for four weeks"
"your joking" i say making will glare at me
"i propose we go travelling"
"well if we're travelling
there's only one place to go"jay says making me start to get very excited about us going travelling
"splash planet"
"the whole of Australia and you suggest we visit a water park" will looks disappointed
"i do love a waterpark to be fair" i nod looking at neil who nods back
simons phone starts buzzing which he just yells at "is that your mum?" neil asks
"no lucy. she's burnt my trainers" he shows us a video of his trainers on fire
"you need to end it si" will tried to convince him
"i know i know"
"just get livvy to text her and say you died that's what i would do" neil suggest
"right but i think at least i need to tell her to her face"
YOU ARE READING
wanker(the inbetweeners)
Humorneil sutherland x oc simon coppers sister olivia cooper has been friends with jay and neil for as long as she can remember and when will comes to the school and the group start ending up in a bunch of situations she will realise that she has deeper...
