wanker(the inbetweeners)

s3 ep4 pt1

i was just sat in my room studying not wanting to leave because tara was here and i honestly didn't like her but i needed a drink so i left my room and all i heard was "i want to fuck your fucking fanny of you twat" i turn to my left to see simon and tara sat on his bed

"oh my god" i shake my head in disgust

"fuck off" he yells while slamming the door

the next day we were at school in the common rooms except simon because he was still with tara. i was sat on neil's lap as he had his arms around my waist and his brain game thing resting on my thighs

jay walks in the room and sits down capturing mine and neil's attention but when he starts to tell some gruesome story i turn my attention back to neil's little brain game the he had rested on my lap then will starts asking questions about every part of his story

"much as i'm enjoying our morning chats i can't help wishing simon was here"will sulked

"who?" neil questions

"simon"

"you can forget about him mate he's probably off with his girlfriend" jay complained

"yeah girlfriend"neil mocked

"you say that like you arnt always with liv" will says

"yeah but i don't keep him from seeing you guys" i argue back and will cant help but agree with me

"guess who's getting laid this weekend" my brother strides up to us taking a seat

"is it someone famous?"

"no neil, it's me"

"well don't say before i've guessed" neil sighs and i put my head on his shoulder to stifle my laugh

"shit that's amazing with tara" wills voice pulls me out of my laughter

"yah we're going to her sisters house in warwick it's going to be brilliant"

"so you got your plan of action then?" jay asked

"no the what no?" simon looked at us all worried

"oo shit" i cringe at him not having a plan

"yeah fucking hell good luck then"

"i don't need a plan"simon shook his head

"of corse you need a plan"

"bollocks you don't need a plan. i didn't have a plan with charlotte" will looks proud of himself

"oh right and how did that go?" i ask him smugly

"i pogoed on her stomach for five seconds, she asked me to leave, and i'm still a virgin but that's not the point"

"no offence will but i really don't want any sexual advice from you. look it will be fine i'll be okay init need to get some condoms that's all" simon seemed confident which is a new thing for him

"for fuck sake don't wear a johnny- it's a guaranteed hard on killer that's why they call it safe sex cos you can't get it up"

"that's never a problem for us" i look at neil and he nods at me

"look if you have to bag it up at least get her to put it on for you" jay advised him

"what does that work?"

"yeah get her to pop it on with her mouth" neil said making me turn to him with wide eyes for him telling my brother this

"god this is a nightmare should i write this down" my brother has now lost all his confidence