Falling for a Storm

Chapter 12: Liam

As I walk into the dinning room I notice Mam wiping her eyes and Ronnie looking between me and Mam unsure of what to do.

"I'm so sorry Mam. I shouldn't have lost my control like that. Are you okay?" I ask walking to her chair and kneeling next to her.

"Liam, I don't understand! What happened?" Mam asked through her tears.

"I'm just so angry at Lil for what she did to this family and what she did to Bash. I'm angry at myself because I should have looked more into her accident and I failed Lil at every turn." I say swallowing hard with a tight throat.

"Oh. Liam. No. Cara made her own decisions and Bash choose to protect Cara over staying with this family. You didn't fail her Liam you have always been a great brother. I know you've been struggling with anger since Cara but I didn't know it was this bad."

"I'm going to really start working on it Mam I promise I will not risk your safety ever again."

"I'm sorry Ronnie for putting you in the middle." I say looking to my little brother who just nods at me.

"You will make an appointment tomorrow and talk to someone." Grandad says as he puts the meat on the table and takes his seat.

Mam pats my hand and kisses my cheek. Guess I'm going to therapy.

As I walk into my office I notice Tiffany at her desk looking over her phone worried.

"Good morning Tiffany! Is everything okay?" I ask her softly so no one around will overhear our conversation.

"Oh Mr. McHayes. Morning Sir. Do you need coffee?" Tiffany stumbles out as she shoves her phone into her bag and stands.

"Coffee sounds nice but what's going on Tiffany? The McHayes Firm is a big family and we take care of each other."

"It's just a personal matter Sir nothing to bother yourself with." She brushes me off moving to go get me some coffee.

"If you need some help or even someone to talk to I am here Tiffany. Not everything needs to be formal in the office." I wince when I register how that could sound. "I mean we can be friends that work together."

Walking into my office I send a text in case Tiffany goes to HR over that stupid comment. I start getting angry at myself for not handling that conversation correctly when I take notice how often I get angry at myself. I should ask Tiffany to look into therapist in the area that can help me. Grandad was right, like always.

When Tiffany brings my coffee in she also has her planner so she can give me the day's plan and how the week is looking so far. Before she leaves after our morning meeting I ask her to get me some numbers that help with not only grief but also controlling emotions in a healthy way.

The look of shock on her face made me wince. Was she judging me? I take a deep breath and try to focus on my work not my fear.

After I got the list of numbers from Tiffany I looked into each one and found one that allows for video chats along with emails so I don't have to set up time out my schedule to meet with someone for an hour. Sending off an email to that therapist I explain my issues and see if they will accept me. Crossing my fingers as I hit send on the email.

As I get the email back from the therapist it makes me really think about myself and what I am doing. It asks me about why I think I need help and what I want from this experience. I don't think being better is a good answer. Part of me feels like I need to study for this worksheet another part of me is getting annoyed with myself because this is speaking volumes about my issues if answering a worksheet is making me feel so useless.