Belongs To Him

26 | Ticking time clock

Alina Windsor

I hated doctors appointments. Just like I hated the dark. But the obgyn skeeved me out and a yearly check up here is what I dreaded. It's almost too invasive.

Waiting rooms always gave me nerves. Especially when I had to get my shots as a child. My father secretly took us to get them as children. It wasn't until we were older my mum was okay with vaccinations. My father wasn't an idiot though.

He kept us safe from my mum's far views. She was a loon in ways and a loon that didn't care that much for her health if it had to do with the government. I swear she was waiting for the aliens or the end of days to come. She was just like my Nan.

The last time I saw Nan she gave Reagan a Jesus candle claiming that when the end of days come, all the lights will go out and she'll have this candle to guide her and light. As she would be the only one left with light in the world.

I wished I was joking when I say this. But I'm more so hurt that she didn't love me enough to give me one. Mum said she got it at some thrift market in which they sold her in on it. But you know it's bad when my mum of all people is sensible on this.

Probably because I gave her one with Timothy Chalamet on it. Instead of scrutinizing me on it, she laughed for the first time. She said he could look like Jesus, we just don't know. This was the only time my mum had been cool about a gift like that.

A knock startled me and then the door cracked open. Sitting in a gown in this cold ass room I now feel exposed to this doctor. She was my new OBGYN and I hated this. I was scared to get a pap, I'd never had one.

"Mrs.Romano, it's nice to meet you I'm Dr.Singh. Before we go into this I was reading over your chart. You indicated you get sharp pains around your bikini line or where your menstrual cramps are. But you indicate it's not on your period?" I nod in agreement, it had been ongoing for a bit. But I didn't think this was a big deal.

"Yes it happens once in a while. But it's not when I'm on my cycle," I say and she nods jotting something down and then looking back up at me.

"Do you ever have irregular cycles or just not gotten your period at all?" The concern in her voice is what alarms me. A sense of unease fills me as she scrolls through her notes on the tablet, my medical history. But it was true, I used to never get my period.

"Not until sophomore year of high school. I was put on birth control because my skin had gotten so bad." My father took me to a dermatologist after summer camp where my acne had progressed. They put me on the pill and thankfully it cleared. So I never stopped taking it.

But I knew that could cause periods to come back. That's what Reagan had told me, but she works with animals not humans.

"That's good to know. Birth control usually regulates it and so you've had your menstrual cycle?" She places down the tablet and moves to the blue gloves in the corner.

"Yes, well. Most of the time, there has been few instances where it didn't come." Turning back to me she slaps on the gloves and inches towards me in her chair.

"Any chance you were pregnant?" She asks.

"No, I wasn't sexual active til recently within the past year." Her hands settle on my shins as they are cold, just as the room. It leaves goosebumps on my skin as I sit uncomfortably.