there for me

the results

marleys pov

i sat in my car staring ahead.
The stack of papers in my hand.
The red declined stamp staring back at me.
a doctors referral too.

Bossbillieeilish
Hey babe, how did it go?
You should have finished 20 minutes ago is everything alright?
Mars?

I ignored her texts and pulled out of the car park my mind a blur as I kept driving. I know I should stop ignoring her. she's literally my girlfriend. i don't know for how long if I keep doing this to her. I know she has other more important things to be thinking about.

she's announcing her album next week. 

I finally parked my car and stepped out, the flower field billie took me on one of our first dates. I walked down to the rocks we sat at and stared at the ocean bellow.

Marley
I didn't pass

was all I told her, she knew what this meant now, she knew I had to hand my resignation at the bar in and contact her team about it too. i feel disappointed in the results but the problem is I don't think I want to get better.

I think I just want a break for a while, I have enough saved up to do so. Just in case though I pulled out my phone and texted someone else.

Marley
Hey are you still hiring?

Hopefully she gets back to me. I wrap my arms around my knees and continue watching the waves crash against the shore.

A while later I hear someone behind me and spin around and see my girlfriend. "I figured you would come here" she said softly coming to sit beside me and pass the bouquet of flowers she had got for me.

I held them delicately thanking her with a soft kiss. "how are you feeling" she said "honestly" she added.

"like my life means nothing, I feel like ive only disappointed people" I rested my head on her shoulder. She comforted me like she always did and I couldn't help but think I don't deserve it.

She doesn't deserve to be dealing with me.

i laid between her legs resting my head against her shoulder. sailor song started playing from the cafe, i could only just hear it over the wind. i looked back to the waves and took a deep breath. i feel like i have to pick my life up again.

i had sent the message to my boss and he just said thanks for the help. as if i wasnt trained in every other job there. and could have stayed if he changed my contract.

billies phone started ringing and i closed my eyes as she pulled it out of her pocket. "yeah i know, ill try, why wouldnt she, oh right, no we're still going together" once she was finished talking she rested her hands back on my arms. "hey mars?" she said all smiley, even if i couldnt see her i could tell.

"yeah bil" "do you want to be my date to an awards show tomorrow night, i only just remembered it was tomorrow today or i would have asked you sooner"

"of course i will, wont people think its odd though if i dont pull up in a secuirty outfit though" i asked her playing with her rings.

"ill shut down any questions about it if you want, or if you want to be introduced as my date i'm very happy to do so"

"whatever you want bil, i really dont mind anymore im happy for everyone to know" we stayed there for a while and i when we got up an afternoon storm brewing.

i checked my phone and she had answered.

august
yes we are mars
oh please tell me you've quit and you're coming here
i don't even care you're hired.

marley
thank you so much
and yeah i had to leave

august
yay come in literally whenever and we can sort everything out.

i turned my phone off and dropped it into my lap. billie had got an uber so she was driving my car home.

"so what's the verdict baby, what happened" billie asked turning down the music we had put on.

"first they said my bmi was too low, especially for someone who's supposed to have a lot of muscle, then i barely got through the physical. the mental assessment after wasn't too much better but then they went over my test results from the check up the other day and weren't happy" i felt her gaze on me at the traffic light.
"i have a referral to a psychiatrist, and pharmacy for meds"

the lighting crackles over the pine trees and i take a deep breath of the before rain smell. we had the windows down and there was no one on the roads.

"i didn't realise how much it went into being a body guard, i thought you just had to be strong" i just laughed and shook my head.

"its a whole certification" billie knew i didn't want to talk about the other stuff but i knew she wanted to know.

i could tell when she drove off the main road and pulled into a taco bell. i didn't protest. it gets to a point sometimes where i just give up. it's too much effort to be sad and hungry.

i got some soft tacos and chips with a normal soft drink as billie got her usual.

"and you don't have to worry about sugar mommying me, im going to go work at the cafe with august" i informed her before taking a big bite of my food.

"i see that for you, a nice work environment where you can watch the ocean wherever you please. you deserve it babe"
i nodded stuffing my face even more. god i haven't eaten something like this in ages. and i don't give a single fuck right now.

"anyway are you exited for tomorrow?" billie instantly jumped in her seat.

"hit me hard and soft. out may 17th"

a/n
mmmm guess who's motivated again