I WROTE A LETTER FOR YOU
ON PAPER
AS IF YOU'D GOTTEN LOST AT SEA,
OR WE WERE SOME KIND OF SHITTY ROMEO AND JULIET
AND I WAS MOURNING,
STILL.
AND I LEFT MY WINDOW OPEN
AND IT RAINED, WHILE I WASN'T HOME
AND IT GOT DRENCHED
THE WORDS SMUDGED
AND I
CLUTCHED IT, CLOSE TO MY HEART
AND I TOOK IT AS A SIGN.
I WANT TO THINK LESS ABOUT YOU.
I WANT TO GO ABOUT MY DAY AND DO THINGS WITHOUT THINKING
'OH, HE' D LIKE THAT'
OR
'GOD, I MISS HIM'
AND I STRIVE TO BE LIKE YOU
OR AT LEAST, HOW YOU COME OFF
UNATTACHED,
UNCARING,
COLD.
I WISH I COULD BE SO, SO FINE WITHOUT YOU
I WISH THERE WAS A MOMENT IN THE DAY
I'D GENUINELY FORGET ABOUT YOU
AS I KNOW YOU DO ME
I WISH I COULD GO MONTHS WITHOUT TEXTING YOU
AND THIS TIME IT WOULD BE YOUR TURN
TO BEG
FOR A LITTLE ATTENTION
IF I DON'T TRY TO GET A RESPONSE OUT OF YOU
IF I DISAPPEAR FOR A WHILE
I THINK YOU'D SIGH
AND YOU' D SAY
'FINALLY.'
IF I DIED
YOU'D NEVER KNOW.
WAITING FOR YOU
THINKING ABOUT YOU
MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A DOG
THE MORE YOU HURT ME
THE LESS I WANT YOU
AND YOU REMAIN
UNBOTHERED
DID YOU EVER WANT ME?
I WISH I COULD HURT YOU
SO BAD
YOU'D FEEL HOW I DO
AND YOU'D RECOGNIZE
EVERYTHING YOU DO WRONG
I WISH YOU'D
WAKE UP.
BUT I CAN'T DO THAT.
SO I WILL PAINT MY LIPS,
KISS OTHER PEOPLE,
AND FORCE ME TO BE REPULSED BY YOU
EVEN THOUGH IN MY LETTER I WROTE
I'D MARRY YOU WITHOUT
HESITATION.
