I'm tired.
I'm tired of you, and me.
I'm tired of us; the way we are when we're together.
The way I sometimes wish I could always be.
I'm tired of missing the people I thought we were.
I'm tired of this up and down between us, tired of being delusional.
Tired of telling myself you really did love me; and that there's still something there.
I'm tired of loving you and holding onto a rope that's so hard to hold on to.
Tired of being unable to let go, being scared of being without you.
Being alone.
Tired of trying to look my best for you, and tired of you not noticing, or caring at all.
Tired of waiting for you, even though I wouldn't know what I would say if I did see you pass by.
Tired of wanting to talk to you, tired of being avoided.
Tired of hoping for a little more.
Tired of crying over you, feeling bad.
But still wanting it - I want you, and I hate us both for it.
Yet, I could never really hate you, y'know?
I'm tired of wanting to be there for you.
I'm tired of waiting, staring at my phone, and having you actively ignore me again and again.
I'm tired of telling my mom I'll eat later and sitting on the floor while my phone's charging just to talk to you; like a pathetic little dog waiting for its owner.
And I'm tired of having you be so unattached.
I'm tired of you constantly leaving me.
I know I shouldn't care anymore, but how could I let go so easily when you were everything to me?
Tell me, how did you let go?
Did I mean anything to you? Anything at all?
Why don't you want me?
I'm tired of wanting you when you so clearly hate me.
I'm tired of seeing you as someone different when you aren't around; someone caring, sweet.
I'm tired of just 'dealing with it', when you're mean, or when you seldomly give me that sweetness and recognition- validation I crave so much.
I'm tired of begging for a drop of that sweetness and you liking having me on a leash like that.
I'm tired of needing you, I'm tired of constantly thinking about you.
I'm tired of you and the way I am around you.
I'm tired of it all.
I'm done.
Or at least, I wish it were that easy.
(I still can't let go, I really wish I could.
I guess I'll love you forever, as I once said.
I'm so scared of saying something wrong and driving you away.)
don't take this to heart, i guess. Don't hate me for this either, I know you're done with me.
i just wish you could reply for once.
