The tips of my fingers tingle and I feel like throwing up
I look at the notifications on my phone
You
And I sit.
My skin tinges blue and I curl up in a corner,
stand up,
sit down again.
I'm restless, disgusted.
I don't know what to feel.
My body tips over the edge of my pants and I stand on the scale in my mother's bedroom
The one I've avoided like the plague the last year
And I run to the bathroom
To throw up
I wipe my mouth and I wipe my tears and I wipe the feeling off my face.
I'm falling back into old habits
Things I can't seem to control
Like eating well, and sleeping well, and forgetting what your lips felt like on mine.
But it's alright, because feelings fade over time
Like your love for me
And the feeling of loving
Something so special.
It's alright,
Because I'll find someone else to love,
And I'll eat again,
And I'll sleep again,
And I'll stop destroying myself
Like I do.
Like the waking waters of the sea, I crumble into me.
