i had a dream
About you
After so long
i hadn't thought about us
Not in that way
i used to
You were there
In all your glory
And i was here
In the shadows
Im used to
Standing in
i told myself i 'd quit smoking
I'd quit trying to feel okay
With substances that left traces
Under my nose
In my veins
You told me everything was okay
While holding hands
With a faceless man
That isn't me
And you kissed
Like we used to
And he touched you
Like i used you
And he spoke
The same words i did
and you told me
you loved him
And i felt in my stomach
Something i 've never felt before
So i drank vodka
Until it tasted like water
Nothing was sweet after i turned thirteen
Nothing until i turned to you
And you saw the light in me
Behind closed bathroom stalls
You saw the light in me
And my hand under your shirt
i wept
But now i 'm sixteen
And sixteen is frightening
Sixteen is drugs
and alcohol
And stains
On my favorite jeans
Sixteen isn't you
i wonder if you ever think about me
Have you dreamt of me
Lately?
