POST-BREAKUP REPOST - BECAUSE HE'S NOT REPLYING.
ur such an ass LMFAO
also realized I am lowk the problem like...
i get it bro u were totally right wth was i on;; (pls date me)
To the love of my life (or, what I thought was the love of my life);
I think I'm scared of letting you go; of not loving you anymore, rather than feeling the sadness and emptiness that particular late-night brought me.
Breaking down on the floor was one of many more to come;
you have been engraved into me like a tattoo
Or a contagious disease; something that eats me from the inside out.
You can choose whichever pleases you most && makes you feel better.
Today I finally got around to washing the clothes you gave me; I'd dumped them on the floor after wearing them for days consecutively.
(Maybe months.
I don't know, at this point.
every day has been a blur;
glued together with no sense of time
I wake up and I
hope to die
and I fall back asleep
and I sleep
until I can't feel
or dream
or think.)
They don't smell like you anymore.
So I cried.
I cried to your favorite song, and I cried to your scent that's been slowly fading from my memory.
I'm scared that the next time I see you I won't be able to recognize it anymore.
Yesterday evening I unblocked your contact; and changed the name back to yours, as if we were strangers.
as if we'd only met once.
as if I'd never felt anything for you.
as if I never will.
I texted you five times in total, today.
You left me on delivered.
I also cried about that.
(I cried about the fact that I'm not yours anymore or the person you'll go to when you cry or feel bad;
And I cried about the fact that I'll never get to reassure you that I love you with my entire existence;;
And I cried about the fact that I'll never get to befriend your cat or get to know your family;;;
And I cried about the fact that I'll never get to buy you flowers again in the way I used to do;;;;
And I cried about the fact that I'll never get to skip class again just to lay in your arms for a couple of minutes.)
There are no new memories to come.
Not in the way I wish there were.
We'll start over as practical strangers and I'll say hi when we pass in the hallway but you'll fall in love with someone better than me, no matter how much I cry about it; someone who'll buy you flowers and say they love you every day and be there when you cry,
like I did that day when I was supposed to be in class.
I cried 'cause I'm not a priority anymore; I can't even be your friend.
you won't let me be your friend.
you told me; I am not a priority anymore and
you can't 'sacrifice' yourself to 'care for me'
and you will 'never be able to love me again'
you won't talk to me; not the way we used to.
And I wish that I could just stare from afar but it's like twisting a knife into an open wound.
Even though I should be over it.
Losing you has been like ripping a part of myself out of my chest; it feels wrong in all the wrong ways and it makes me want to scream and sob and I want to hate you but I'm too tired to wake up;
or move
or walk
or eat
or drink
and I just want to sleep
be alone, in your hoodie.
I can't watch or listen or feel or write or do anything
anything i used to love
i hurt;
my head;
my arms;
my legs;
my chest;
and everything else you ever touched.
I think I'm scared of never being able to love like this again; I think I'm scared of losing you forever.
My world is crumbling apart without you so I don't want to be in it anymore.
I don't want to be anything if you're not beside me
'cause everything loses its value when you're not around.
But I also don't want to make you feel bad about it.
it isn't your fault, love.
So I'll just wait 'till you fade from my memory.
But until then; I'll love you forever, darling.
[NO OLDER NOTIFICATIONS]
//I've been staring at my phone for hours
