LATE-NIGHT PICTUREBOOKS IN RUN-DOWN APARTMENTS, I CAN'T REMEMBER YOUR TOUCH.
LET ME SET THE SCENE;
SPLIT ORANGE PULP PAPER-CUTS ON YOUR HANDS BLEED OUT ON THE WHITE CARPET OF YOUR ONE-BEDROOM APARTMENT // I'M FAR TOO GONE TO SEE THE GRAPEFRUIT SPILL, KISSES ON YOUR WHITE BUTTON-UP SHIRT.
SPIT THE SKIN OUT, CRAVE YOUR HEART; YOU'RE NICE AND SWEET AND ALL THAT IS GOOD, WHILE I LAY IN MY BLOOD ORANGE-SOAKED T-SHIRT.
LET ME CALL YOUR NAME;
I CAN'T TELL IF NOISE LEAVES MY MOUTH, WORDS TOO COMPLEX TO THINK ABOUT.
I TRACE YOUR NAME ON YOUR CLOSET WALLS (YOU HAVE TOO MANY PICTURES ON THEM TO COUNT AND I CAN'T STAND UP STRAIGHT ANYMORE) BUT I HAVE TO PICK MY OLD JEANS UP FROM THE FLOOR AND PUT MY RUN-DOWN SHOES ON SO I CAN GO TO A HOME I DON'T HAVE.
// I CALL A CAB AND TELL THE DRIVER TO LEAVE ME ON THE CORNER.
METROPOLITAN POLICE CHASE ME DOWN ALLEYWAYS IN A CYBERPUNK WORLD; THE 30-STORY BUILDINGS LIGHT MY FACE UP WITH NEON LIGHTS.
SHARP CORNERS, SHARP EDGES, LIKE THE KNIFE IN YOUR NECK; LIKE THE ONE IN MY SIDE.
THEY'D ALWAYS SAID WE'D ARGUE TOO MUCH, YOU AND ME.
ME AND MY REFLECTION.
ME AND MY ADDICTION.
MY HANDS ARE BLOODY BUT I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE TO BLAME.
HUNCHED BACKS OVER BLUE SCREENS AND BRIGHT LIGHTS; BLUE AND RED SIRENS THAT WAIL ON MY BACK; LIKE MOONFALL AND THE SPIDER I KILLED WHEN I WAS NINE.
BAREFOOT MEGALOMANIAC MAKES HIS WAY INTO A LIQUOR STORE, WASHED UP ON THE SHORE. HE'S WET AND COLD AND IN NEED OF A SHOT BUT HIS POCKETS ARE EMPTY, LIKE THE BED HE SLEEPS IN.
HE'S SCRUFFY AND TIRED AND THE BAGS UNDER HIS EYES REACH MID-CHEEK. HE'S JUST GLAD HIS FOURTH EX-WIFE DIDN'T LEAVE HIM LIKE THE LAST ONE, HOMELESS AND CRUMBLING.
EVERYONE AROUND HIM KNOWS HE DESERVED IT, THOUGH.
HE SETS HIS EYES ON THE BARELY 18-YEAR-OLD AT THE COUNTER AND SHE TRACES HER FINGERTIPS ON HER LOCKET.
HE'S CLOSE, TOO CLOSE- WHISPERS IN HER EAR AND SHE HOLDS BACK TEARS. ONE TOO MANY DROPPED FOR A MAN SHE DIDN'T DESERVE; SHE HAS A NIGHT JOB AT A STRIP CLUB NOW AND SHE SLEEPS ON HER NEW EX-BOYFRIEND'S COUCH 'CAUSE THE ONE SHE CHEATED WITH DIDN'T LIKE HER THAT MUCH.
HER MASCARA IS MESSED UP FROM THE NIGHTS PRIOR, HER HAIR A MESS. SHE BLAMES IT ON HER MANAGER 'CAUSE SHE'S DOING LATE NIGHTS AT THE SHOP AND CAN'T LEAVE THE CLUB 'TILL FOUR.
HER FEET HURT FROM THE HEELS SHE'D BEEN WEARING, HER TONGUE FROM THE SCALDING HOT SOUP SHE'D HAD THIS MORNING.
RIGHT NOW, -SHE THINKS- WOULD BE A GOOD TIME FOR A CIGARETTE, BUT SHE'S NEVER SMOKED BEFORE. NEVER, 'CAUSE DADDY USED TO AND DADDY'S A BAD MAN.
RED AND BLUE LIGHTS FLICKER DOWN THE STREET AS I PASS BY THE WINDOW, THE NEON SIGN, AND I SEE THEM IN MY REFLECTION AND I STOP.
TURN THE CORNER.
BITE MY NAILS 'TILL I GET AN INFECTION AND DIE ALONE, AT AN EARLY AGE.
THEY'LL ASK WHY I DIDN'T GO TO A HOSPITAL AND THEY'LL BLAME IT ON MY SHITTY CHILDHOOD,-SINCE EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE BECAUSE OF IT-, BUT REALLY THEY'LL BE GLAD I'M GONE.
// I WAS BORDERING 35 AND LIVING ALONE, ALWAYS A VICE IN HAND, -DIVORCED FROM THE MAN I THOUGHT I LOVED BUT HE TURNED OUT TO BE LIKE ALL OF THE MEN I'VE KNOWN.- MY NEIGHBORS CALLED THE COPS WHEN THEY DIDN'T HEAR FROM ME IN WEEKS. THEY ALMOST DIDN'T, TOLD THE POLICE I WASN'T THE BEST AROUND. CHECKING MY RECORD, THEY CYNICALLY AGREED.
MY BODY WAS FOUND ON THE FLOOR, IN MY RIGHT POCKET A PICTURE OF GOD I'VE HAD SINCE I WAS FIVE. KEPT FOR SENTIMENTAL REASONS, YET I HATED THE PERSON WHO GAVE IT T ME.
I drown like fish in the water, blue whales cry out as metal spears stab their back.
The metal in my teeth, they cry out for help and I cry out for you,
As I get shoved into the car
And the metal around my wrists
Starts to burn my skin.
I run and I cry and my jeans are full of stains
From nights I can't even remember
So I sit on the sidewalk
And hope for my savior to come along
And kick the cigarette out of my hand.
//METROPOLITAN POLICE CHASE ME DOWN FREEWAYS UNTIL WE PASS OUT, INTESTINES IN HAND.//
