If I Lose Myself

Catalina

A banging on the door made me wake up, the time on the bedside table read ten thirty. Monster's head shot up and he just looked at my door, he wasn't barking but he didn't like it either. Getting out of bed the room started to spin since I haven't been eating right my body was not happy. When I finally got to the door I can face to face with an upset Sammy and her mom. Her mom's eyes ranked over me and then meet my eyes once again.

"Either you are stupid or this cancer has gotten to your head!" She snapped pushing her way inside. She led me to the sofa and made me sit. "The worst part is the fact that you are going through this alone! Look at how this got Sammy, your dad is staying yet another night at Powers house and I had a very upset Bo show up on my doorstep."

She stopped her rant and placed her hand on her forehead, she took a couple big breaths in then looked back to me. "Why didn't you come to me? This is something that you can't be going through on our own." She finally sat down next to me where I rested my head on her shoulder.

"I tried to keep it a secret Lina but then Bo showed up. He really needs you Catalina...we all do." She sat on my other side wrapping her arms around me. "Lina please I'm begging you to get help."

The floor started to blur as I took in her words, I felt like I have been hit by a semi-truck. Was this the push I need to get the sense knocked back into me? After all, her mom was like a mom to me and she knew everything I have been through. That is when it hit me I have people who love and care for me. Shaking my head of the thought it was too late for me to get help, can't I go walk up in that hospital and ask for help.

"What have I've done?" I whispered gripping Sammy's mom's hand "I-I pushed away the ones who love me." She pulled me into her embrace and let me cry. She rubbed my back lightly.

"We can still fix this Catalina, we are going to start with packing you an overnight bag and then we are going to go to the hospital and get you admitted." It scared me to think that I was going to have to go stay in the hospital. I hated them.

"I don't want to tell my dad," I whispered. "I don't want to tell anyone because they will treat me differently."

"They will not treat you differently Catalina, we have talked about this before." She took my face in her hands making me look at her. She gently ran her thumbs under my eyes. "You are no longer fighting against the world alone. It is us against the world."

"Us?" I whispered not following her.

She gave a sad smile. "Sammy, me, your dad, and the club. I didn't know what they have told you but we are all family now and we look after family."

I felt ashamed by my choices once again but I was ready to die. Even though she wants me to get the treatment, I have to have the will to fight. But I don't, I had nothing left in me to stand up and face this head on. When the pain started up again I close my eyes and gripped the sofa. How was I going to fight this and live?

There was just no way.

~

Sammy's mom Scarlett finally got me to the hospital but I did kick and scream the whole way. But she was not taking no for an answer, she was pissed off that Dr. Mitchel let me make this choice on my own, something about me being a minor and all. I was now sitting in a damn hospital room feeling sorry for myself but I was also high as a kite. The pain was gone, well the physical pain was but the mental pain was still here and heavy at that. Looking down at the I.V in my arm I wish I was able to take it out but here's the thing.

They tired me down.

I fight them pretty good if you ask me.

Scarlett walked back into the room taking a seat next to me and took in the state I was in. "We are going to call your dad and have him come down." I turned my head and looked away from her. "he has to be here when the decisions are made." She stated firm.