If I Lose Myself

Bo

My dad threw his head back clearly upset about what we just found out, we all were. By looking at my dad I can tell he felt bad about asking her if she was on drugs. And can't forget about keeping me and her apart. Looking around the room I just realized that it was filled with my dad's brothers. How in the hell did they know about this? My eyes landed on Titus and Corvette and it hit me, they must have told them. This was what I liked about the club, no matter who was in the hurt or sick the club was always there to help. Or to give the support one of the brothers was going to need.

Blaze finally came out the room where he sunk to the floor and started to cry, this was the first time anyone has seen him cry. His shoulder shook as he cried, my dad was bent down next to him giving him the support he needs and soon the rest of the brother had joined him. My heart went out to him, it must hurt him so much more than it did me. Cam finally came and stood next to me.

"I can't believe this shit," He whispered looking over at her dad.

"I know, she was fine a couple week ago, this shit is not far."

A nurse came in and told Blaze something and he shot up running through the doors. Making me wonder what was happening, the nurse followed him and we were left here just waiting. My dad told the boys something then went into the back, everyone took their seats again and it felt like it was just one big waiting game.

"Son," I felt someone one shake my shoulder. Looking up my dad was standing over me looking tired. "Why don't you go home it is going to be a long night."

"No, I want to see Catalina first," I demanded standing up. I wasn't going to back down from my dad anymore. Whether he liked it or I was going to see Catalina. My girl!

"Son it would be-"

"No fuck you, dad, this is your fault if you would have never done the shit that you pull, she would have been safe in my arms!" I cut him off he had no right to speak for me.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that, I am your fucking father and you will respect me. And yes I feel fucking bad about this shit because I broke my promise to her and Blaze...I promised to help watch out for her yet I drove her to the point where she wants to die."

Air left my lungs as he finished his rant, part of me wishes that I heard him wrong. There was no way I was going to let her do this. I was not going to let her go no matter what. "I-I can't," words couldn't form in my mind and I know I might sound like a pussy to everyone about crying over a girl. But they haven't fallen in love like I have.

I fell in love at first sight.

"Go to her son, she doesn't want to admit it but she needs you." Nodding as I started her room. "She's not talking Bo, so don't get mad or upset that she is saying anything."

Nodding once more I took off to her room, she didn't have to say anything as long as I get to hold her, I don't care. Counting the room numbers as I went my heart started to beat faster. I needed her in my arms again and I wasn't taking no for an answer. Walking into the room her back was to the door, the only thing telling me she was alive was her heart monitor. Closing the door behind me I walked to the bed taking my shoe off and climbed into bed with her. Her whole body went stiff at my actions, usually by now she would have relaxed but she didn't. It hurt me that she didn't trust me anymore.

"Baby please look at me." I whispered reaching for her chin but she tucked it in. "babe," I slipped my arms under her pulling her as close I could have her in this bed.

Her body slowly started to shake as I continued to hold her, it was like her walls were slowly coming down. As I held her I didn't miss the fact that she felt thinner, was she even eating? That was going to change even if I have to spoon feed her myself. My hand start to move on its own, I rubbed her stomach in a comforting way and to my surprise, she relaxed. The one thing I've been wanting her to do she finally did, she turned in my arms but started to struggle with the I.V.