If I Lose Myself

Catalina

Today was the day.

I have been cleaning the house, fixing the rooms like crazy. I wanted the kids to feel at home. Bo even made sure the boys won't come over, he said he would shoot them in the leg of they did. And he wasn't bluffing. Because the last thing we wanted was for the kids to feel uncomfortable when first moving in.

Baby steps, they needed baby steps.

"Babe, the house is clean enough," Bo said grabbing my hands from fixing the food on the table for like the third time. "They probably won't even eat all this in one go, seems like you are going to be feeding my brothers."

"I can't help it," I whined as I left my head drop to his chest. "This is our only shot to start a family."

I couldn't stop the way the words came out my mouth, they tremble a little. Bo without question wrapped his arms around me making his muscle flex. Never ever since I have met him, has he ever tried to hurt me or in any way make me feel unsafe. Even now as an adult. He is wiser, smarter, and very thoughtful of his action. And don't get me started on how much our sex life improved.

When I got back after I was taken, he never left my side. He made sure I was in his line of sight no matter what, and it took months before he was able to let me go out on my own. He was a changed man and it made me think about how I would have reacted meeting him for the first time now. He had this dark side to him that I thought was so sexy. He was bigger in many ways and he never let me forget how much he loved me when we were having sex. It was never boring either. Shaking my head of the thought because I need to force on the task at hand. The kids didn't need to see or hear what we do in the bedroom, they were too young, and not to mention it would probably they would be traumatized on how rough Bo gets.

"We have the rest of our lives to start a family, no matter what happens today I will always be here."

Tears filled my eyes as I looked up at him, I love how he was with me. Because for three months, I had nightmares about what had happened to me at the cabin. He was supportive and stayed by my side to make me feel safe. He could have easily walked away from this, but he didn't.

"I love you." Leaning up I caught his lips in mine, the kiss wasn't demanding but it wasn't slow.

"I love you too."

Smiling I turned back to the food making him chuckle, but I wanted to see if I was missing anything. Then the doorbell went off making me look to Bo, he smiled kissing my lips then grabbed my hand leading me to the door. My nerves were going crazy, I couldn't wait to meet them.

***

Melody

"This is the last time, Melody." My social worker said rubbing my back.

Shrugging her hand away, I turned to look out the window. This was the same thing as all the other times, she would find Evan and me a new foster home only for them to have us for a month or a week.

Depending on the person.

This time, it was only three days.

She gave a sigh when she realized that I wasn't going to say a word, in fact. I haven't said a word in twelve years and I had my dad to think for that. There are things in life that a five-year-old should never see in life, and one of them is seeing your mom getting killed right in front of you. Then hours after just sitting next to her waiting for her and brother to wake up, but only to find out that she was never going to.

When the cops finally came I was covered in blood and it traumatized me to the point where I didn't want to talk any more. They tried everything to get me to talk, but nothing came out. I was scared silent. They send me to a therapist but it's just a wasted because I still don't talk, the doctor said in time I would but here I was today, dead silent, just like have I was when I was five. It sucked because the whole time this was happening Evan was knocked out cold and work up in the hospital three weeks later.

Nothing was going to change the fact that I was never going to talk again and I hated get asked the same questions, "you don't talk, like at all?" or "Not talking is stupid, how do you get what you want?" and my favorite one of all time "She is nothing but a mute freak who want's attention."

Like no bitch. I witnessed my mother getting killed. So yes, I'm not going to talk like at all.

Can I talk?

Yes, I can.

Do I want to?

No way in hell.

"Melody, This family is going to be a good fit for you. They live in a small town and they are a close family." She pressed making me glare at the window. If she thinks I'm going to talk then she is wrong, she should know better.

Giving me one last sigh she finally left my room, I was at a foster home, but it was one where they put you before taking you to where we are going to stay. There were about ten other kids here as well, looking out the window I envied the kids running around unaware that this house was full of kids who don't have parents. A knock on the door made me look over at it. Chelsea, a little girl who lived her came running in with a smile.

"Hi Mel, how are you today?" She jumped up sitting on my bed. I gave her a half shrug and took a seat next to her. "Nana said you and Evan are leaving today, is it true?"

Nodding my head her face fell, she too was bounced around a lot. So she knew how it felt to be too told this and then to be sent back here. Or where ever they feel like moving you. Chelsea, Evan and I always ended back here together. She was only seven and she too have seen some shit. I guess that's why we are so close it is because we understand each other on a personal level. All she really needs is someone to listen to her and I don't mind sitting with her and hearing what she has to say.

Shortly after her Evan came in and messed up her hair making her giggle, Evan fell on the bed hiding his face with a pillow. "I can't believe they are doing this shit to us again, why can't they just fucking leave us here." He grunted and then threw the pillow at Chelsea when she stuck her tongue out at him, and that started a pillow war. We all had our weapons waiting for someone to make a move, I jumped out the way when Evan tried to hit me with his pillow. Chelsea and I looked at each other then back to Evan. I started to giggle when she let out a battle cry and ran at him with me in toe. Let's just say we ended up winning the war.

Chelsea was about to open her mouth when our social worker popped her head in my room. "It's time, kids." She rolled her eyes a little bit when I shot her a glare, she was used to my short fuse with her.

I think Evan is starting to rub off on me.

Standing up I pulled Chelsea into a hug where we stayed for a good couple minutes. By the way she was holding me, I can tell she didn't want me to go and I didn't want to go. In a weird since she was a little sister to me, sure she had my number, and she can call me or text me anytime she wanted. I had got her the phone and put her on my plan. My brother and I got my mom's money and at first, the state wasn't going to give it to us, but when they saw that we weren't crazy spenders they gave it to us. All I use the money for is my dance clothes, dance shoes, and my phone bill. Evan didn't need much either.

When I finally got out to the car my mood had gone down the drain, I didn't want to go to a new home. They can all just go to hell! Evan gave me a small smile and kissed the top of my head before he climbed into the car. With me following already missing Chelsea. 

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Wow...so this is the end of this book! I'm proud of what it has become and I can't wait to start the editing phase! I decided to leave you guys with a cliff-hanger because, yes, I am going to be doing a second book and it is going to be based off Melody and Evan, maybe only Melody. I haven't made up my mind on that...anyway ways till next time.

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-Cat