Love, Drugs and Destruction

7. You are hurting me

When he still did not say anything, I walked to my closet, pulled my T-shirt and some sleep shorts over my head, and dried my hair with the towel; I walked back out, Rafe still sitting on the chair. "What are you doing here?" I ask, crossing my arms and looking at him.

"Coming to see my girlfriend," he said, standing up and walking to me; he was like a predator stalking his prey, and I swallowed, my throat very dry. "I'm angry at you," I say turning around to sit on my bed. "Yeah, and why is that?" he asks, and I look at him. "Let me think, first for calling me a slut and then for hitting JJ." "Here we go, I knew it was about HIM," Rafe shouts, and I look up at him, shocked.

"Of course, it's about him; I asked you not to start shit, and what do you do? You start shit," I say running my hands through my hair. "Why was his arm around you? What makes that dirty Pogue think he can touch what is mine?" he asks again, pacing the room, and I roll my eyes.

"He doesn't know I am yours," I say, and he stops looking at me. "And whose fault is that, huh?" he asked, walking closer to me, and I stood up; I felt too uncomfortable sitting while he was towering over me. "Let's talk about this tomorrow; you are high and not thinking straight," I say walking to my door to go get some water. He grabs me by my arm, stopping me.

"Where the fuck are you going? I am not done," he says, and his grip tightens more. "Rafe, you hurting me," I say, trying to pull my arm away, but he is just too strong. He just stared at me, and at that moment I was really scared of him. "You're scaring me," I say, and he finally releases my arm; he nods, running his hands through his hair.

"We can talk tomorrow okay?" I say, trying to calm him, and he looks at me. "Can I please stay the night?" he asked, I wanted him to go home and sleep off whatever he had in his system, but I knew saying no would piss him off more, so I just nodded. "I am just going to get water," I say as he sits down on my bed.

I stood in front of the fridge, rubbing my arm; the Rafe I saw just now is the reason everyone is warning me about. I took a deep breath and walked back to my room. Rafe was already asleep, and I was grateful for that; I lay down next to him and turned on my side, looking at him peacefully sleeping.

I ran my fingers through his hair, and he stirred a bit; I wish I could save Rafe, but I am so afraid that he will destroy me, and I know he will because, for him, I will do anything. Even if that means losing all my friends and the most important person that I have such a strong bond with, I know I will lose JJ in the end. I finally fell asleep exhausted.

I woke up with the sun coming through my windows, and I stretched, looking to my side; Rafe was sitting up, scrolling through his phone. "Morning," I say, rubbing my eyes and sitting up. "Morning baby," he says, putting down his phone and leaning in to kiss me; I frown.

This is not the same Rafe as last night, but I kiss him back. I stood up walking to the bathroom, and while I was brushing my teeth, I saw the marks on my arm. Fuck I will have to wear long sleeves for a while. I walk back to Rafe, still sitting on the bed.

"Are you ready to talk about last night?" I ask, sitting down and tying my hair in a ponytail. "No, but we have to don't we?" Rafe asks, and I nod. "Okay, I got pissed off seeing JJ's arm around you and I can't control my anger when it comes to him, and knowing he is touching my girlfriend just pushed me over the edge," he says and I nod, I was surprised that he was so honest

"I understand that, but you need to understand me and JJ we have a long friendship, and I cannot just throw that away because I am dating you now," I say, and he nods, biting his lip. "I know, and I hate it," he says, and I just look at my hands.

"I am sorry, okay? I don't want us to fight," he says, pulling me closer, and I sink into his side. "Me neither, but you need to control your anger, please, for me," I say and he nods. "I will try," he says, and I nod. He rubbed my arm, and we lay in silence for a bit. "Did I do this?" he asks, frowning at the marks on my arm, and I nod. "I am sorry," he says, leaning in and kissing my arm. 

"I just lose control some time, okay?" He said and I kept quiet, "I am going to try and be better for you." He says, and I look up at him. "Okay," I say, playing with the rings on his fingers again; it was quiet for a while. "So what are we doing today?" Rafe asks, and I shrug. "I want to just rest," I say, not looking at him. "Baby look at me." He says, and I look up at him. "Why don't we go have breakfast somewhere?" He asks, and I frown.

"You know we cannot go out together," I say, and he nods, biting his lip. "When are you going to tell Sarah?" He asks, and I sigh, looking away again. "I don't know." I barely whisper because I know another fight is coming. He pushes me off him and stands up; I sit up, watching him as he gets dressed. "Well, I am not staying in your house the whole day; I want to go out." He says, and I look at my hands.

"See you later." He says, walking out of the room, and I hear the front door closing. I sigh laying back down. Why is it so difficult with Rafe, and why do I just want to please him? My phone rings, and I sigh, seeing JJ's name. "Hi, J," I say, rubbing my eyes. "Lia, we are coming to get you in 5 minutes. The waves are so big, so we are going surfing." He says, and I sigh. "How did you know I was home?" I asked because I told them I was going to the mainland.

"Find my phone, Lia, now get ready. We are almost there." Before I could say anything else, he hung up, and I did not know what to do; I told my boyfriend I did not want to do anything with him, yet my friends wanted to go to the beach. I decided to just go with it, and I got dressed, trying to cover the marks on my arm. I hear the honk and then JJ shouting. I grab my bag and phone and walk out to see them all in the twinkie and I smile.

"Morning Lia ready to surf?" Pope asks as I climb into the Twinkie, and I laugh. "I don't know if I am going surfing, but just hanging with you guys will always be great," I say, and he laughs. I loved being with the pogues, and I love them; with them, everything is so easy, not like being with Rafe, yet I will give up everything for Rafe, and I do not know why.

"Hey, you okay?" JJ asked, seeing I zoned out. "Yeah, I'm good," I say laying my head on his shoulder. "You  will tell me when you are not good yeah?" JJ is taking my hand, and I nod, kissing his cheek. "I will," I say, and for the first time, I was wondering if Rafe was worth it.