Love, Drugs and Destruction

39. Please belief me.

I took a deep breath taking in the sea air, trying to stop more tears from falling. I just wanted to crawl in bed my own bed. I heard footsteps, and then Rafe was standing next to me. I decided to ignore him, really not in the mood for him. "Can we talk baby?" He finally asked, and I turned to look at him; his eyes were full of concern. I shake my head to escape his blue eyes and look back at the ocean.

"Come on Lia, you have to listen to me." He says, and I sigh, pushing myself off the railing. "I don't have to do anything, Rafe; you do not control me," I say and he nods. "I know, but you cannot run away every time." He said, and my head snapped to him. "But you did; you left everything behind, including ME!" I shout crossing my arms. "And look what you did to me because you left; look at me now. I am nothing but a fucking drug addict that tries to get clean but all I want to do is just die." I say wiping a tear with the back of my hand.

Rafe frowns and walks closer to me; I can see the struggle in his eyes. "I know Lia, and I am sorry. God, how many times do I have to tell you how sorry I am? I never thought leaving would fuck up things so much; I left because I believed it was the best thing I could give you." He says, running his hands down his face, clearly frustrated.

I just look at him not knowing what to say. "Then why did you come back?" I ask, my throat dry, and I try to swallow the lump in my throat. "I came back for YOU!" He shouted, and I looked at him, shocked. "Why, why did you come back for me Rafe? You came back but you were dating someone else." I snap back. He shakes his head, looking defeated and tired.

"Because I wanted to come and see with my own eyes if it was true, and it was true, I want to fix you; I want to fix what I have broken." He says. I did not say anything, and he sighed. "Look, baby, I love you, okay, and I just want you to get better; I know what you are going through, and I know it's not easy, and that is why I am helping you." He says, and I shake my head.

"You don't love me, you feel guilty for what you did to me, and now you think fixing me will help. If you loved me, you would not be seeing another girl behind my back, and don't for one second think you are doing me any favors for helping me because you are not. I was fine until you came back, I was almost happy again. So no, Rafe, you are not doing this out of love; you are doing this to ease your own guilt. So don't do me any favors; you don't want me to leave, so fine, I will stay here, and you can go on with your life." I say walking to the door.

I walked to one of the spare rooms and fell on the bed exhausted. I am so tired, and the shaking doesn't stop. I wrap the blanket around myself and finally fall asleep. I don't know how much more I will be able to take. I woke up with a sharp pain in my stomach. I groan sitting up. It was already dark outside. "Fuck" I groan, standing up and walking to the bathroom.

I took cold water splashing my face and decided to take a shower. I got undressed and stood under the water. I sigh, enjoying the hot water to ease my muscles. My legs felt weak, and I sat down, the water dropping on my back. I pull my knees to my chest, sitting with my cheek against my knee. I wonder if I was in rehab if it would have been better, they should give you something for the pain. I stood up and closed the tap.

I got dressed in the same clothes as mine was in Rafe's room and decided to go get something for my headache. The house was quiet, and I wondered if Rafe was sleeping or where is he. I walked to the kitchen and took 2 Advil, swallowing them down with some juice. I heard the front door open, and I stood frozen, it was dark in the kitchen, and I waited to see who it was.

The light switched on, and I had to blink a few times to adjust my eyes; I looked up and saw Rafe standing with a bag in his hands, looking at me. "You okay?" He asks, setting the bag on the counter, and I nod. "I went to buy you some pills for the vomiting and to help your immune. I told the lady at the pharmacy what was wrong, and she gave me something to help you." He says, putting a few bottles of pills in front of me.

I looked at them and took the pill for nausea. "Thank you," I say, grabbing my glass of juice and starting to make my way out of the kitchen. "Lia, please, let's talk," Rafe begs, and I turn to him. "Okay," I say, walking to the living room, ready to sit down. He followed me and sat down next to me. I pull my legs up sitting with it against my chest. I was the one that did not talk and waited for him.

He turned so that he was facing me. "The messages you saw, most of them are old, and yes, in the beginning, she did message me a lot. But I told her I want you and no one else." He says, and I finally look at him. "And the message about the office fun?" I ask, and he frowns. "When we were still together, she would visit me, and we would, you know, have sex in my office." He says, and I pull my nose up in disgust. He smiles, seeing my face moving so that he is closer to me.

"Yes I did go and see her yesterday because after I received that message from her she messaged me again saying she would not leave my work until I came to see her, I got there calmed her down, and then I took her back home and I told her to never contact me again that she has gone too far." He says, and I look in his eyes, and I can tell he is telling the truth. "Baby, when I said I love you and I want you, I meant it; I don't want anyone else." He says, moving more, and then he pulls me into his lap.

I did not say anything I just lay my head on his shoulder. "I am not with you because I feel guilty; I am with you because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I am going to marry you one day." He says, and my breath hitches as I look up at him. "I love you more than anything Rafe. And thank you for helping me. Without you, I would not have made it." I say and he smiles kissing my head.

"It's late. Don't you have work tomorrow?" I ask, looking up at him, and he shakes his head, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "No, I took off tomorrow as well; you and I are going to have a nice relaxing weekend at home." He says, and I smile. He can be so cute and thoughtful if he wants to be. "I would love to go to the beach, just to watch the waves." I sigh laying my head back down on his shoulder.

"Then we will go to the beach tomorrow, baby, if you are up to it." He says, kissing my cheek, and I smile. I was enjoying the quiet between us, and I yawned. "Come, let's go to bed, baby," Rafe says, standing up with me still in his arms, carrying me to his room.

The book is almost over; I would love to know what you think.