Love, Drugs and Destruction

36. A week from hell

I was a whole week in my recovery and the withdrawal is hell. I am lucky to be doing this at Rafe's, as my parents were out of town for 2 weeks. I am currently lying on the sofa outside. I was weak; I had a cold and then so hot I was sweating, my body never seemed to stop shaking, and I could not keep anything in. Not to even talk about the hallucinations.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke up with Rafe kissing my head. "Hey," I whisper, trying to sit up; it feels like my body was hit by a truck. "Hey baby, why are you out here?" He asked with concern on his face, and I gave him a weak smile. "I wanted some fresh air," I say and he nods. "Have you eaten?" I shake my head. "No, I'm not hungry," I say, taking a sip of my water.

"You have to eat, I am going to order something." He was standing up, and I did not have the strength to fight him. I hear him talking on the phone, and I sigh, standing up. God, I would do anything not to feel like this. I sit on the bed as Rafe follows me with his eyes, I can see the worry in it.

He ended the call and came to sit with me; I lay my head on his shoulder. "Fuck, why does everything hurt?" I ask, and he smiles. "Your body is adapting to what's happening, so your muscles tense up," he explains, and I laugh. "When did you get so smart?" I joke, and he laughs, kissing my head. "Since I went through the same." He says and I just nod.

"Lia, baby, I know you don't want to hear it right now, but my sister and JJ want to see you. Hell, they all want to see you." He says, and I groan, standing up. "Not interested," I say walking or more like shuffling to the bathroom. I turn on the tap for the bath, hoping to ease my muscles a bit; Rafe leans against the door, crossing his arms.

"Baby, they are worried about you." He said as I started to get undressed and sank into the water. I see Rafe frown, and I know it's because I have lost some weight. I sigh in relief, feeling my muscles relax a bit; I close my eyes, choosing to ignore him. "Lia," he started, and the doorbell rang; I opened my eyes to see Rafe walk away, and I closed my eyes again.

I cannot let them see me like this; it will mean that they were right and that I am an addict, and to be honest, I am still angry at them. I got out and put on one of Rafe's shirts and some shorts. I took my phone, and I saw all the messages from the pogues and my mom; I texted my mom back and just then Zac called. I sigh deciding to pick up. Zac knows about me and Rafe being back together and me going cold turkey on the drugs.

"Hey." "Hey beautiful how are you?" I smile. Even though Zac and I will never be together, he will always have a part in my life as a friend. " I feel like shit." I hear him laugh and I smile. "Is Rafe treating you still good?" He asks, and I giggle. "He is." "Good otherwise I would beat the shit out of him." He says, and I laugh. I see Rafe standing at the door, frowning. "Okay, well, I just wanted to check up on you and make sure you are good." He says, and I smile, my eyes still on Rafe.

"I'm good thank you for calling." "Always beautiful, get well soon." I smile and then we end the call. "Who was that?" Rafe asks, and I stand up. "Zac," I say, waiting for his reaction; I know Rafe does not like the idea of me being friends with him. "Okay, food ready do you want to eat downstairs?" He asks, and I frown, walking closer to him.

"Just okay?" He frowns and nods. "Yes, you are too sick to fight with." He said, giving me a kiss and walking downstairs; I stood there in disbelief but then followed him. I walked into the kitchen and sat on one of the barstools. He gave me a plate and I just stared at the food, already feeling nauseous. He sat next to me and he started eating. "Please try and eat something." He said, rubbing my thigh, and I took a small bite.

It was quiet between us as we ate well at Rafe's. I was just moving my food around.  "I worry about you alone here in the day when I am at work." He says, and I look up from my plate. "I'm fine," I say, and he nods, biting his lip. "Sarah or JJ can come stay here in the day to look after you. Then I don't need to worry." He says, and I sigh, standing up. I put my plate in the sink even though I did not touch my food.

I was irritated, and these days, my temper was bad. "Don't forget that you were the one that made me hate them, so stop worrying about me. I can take care of myself." I snap and walk out of the kitchen and back to the room and I get in bed. I switched on the TV, and I lay back, but I had to run to the bathroom again, and I started vomiting.

I had no content in my stomach so I was just dry heaving. I sat up, wiping my mouth, and I started crying. Fuck this, I need a pill. I cannot do this anymore; I thought to myself, standing up and rinsing my mouth. I walked to my bag, and emptied the contents on the bed, "Come on, I must have something in here." I whisper to myself searching for a pill.

I was going crazy looking for any drug, and I was crying, wiping my tears with the back of my hand while searching. I walked to the closet where my jacket was and threw it out as I searched the pockets. "Baby, what are you doing?" Rafe is standing at the door, and I glare at him with tears streaming down my face. "I cannot do this anymore; please take me home. I know I have something there to make me feel better." I sob, and he shakes his head, walking to me.

He wraps his arms around my shoulders pulling me to his chest. "No, Lia, you are already halfway you can do this, baby." He said against my hair, and I just stood there holding onto his shirt like my life depended on it as I sobbed. Rafe picked me up bridal style and carried me to bed. He lay me down, then took off his shirt and pants, just in his boxers, laying down with me, pulling me to him.

"I know it's hard, baby, but by next week you will feel better, I promise." He said; I did not answer him, feeling exhausted. "I love you Lia, and you will get through this." He says, kissing my head. "Everything hurts," I say, wiping my tears. "I know, you are so much stronger than you know; you just have to hold on a little longer, okay." He says, rubbing my back, and I nod.

"I love you too," I whisper and then I finally fell asleep. Hoping that I will get better soon because even if Rafe say it I do not know how strong I really am.

So our girl is suffering but do we love our soft Rafe? Tell me what you think.