"What time?" I ask, my fingers moving before my brain can catch up. *I gave in. Like an idiot.*
Conor responds immediately, as if he was waiting for me.
"On your break at 12, you're okay with that?" he asks.
Of course, he still remembers when I take my breaks. Funny how he can remember small details about me while forgetting the boundaries I've tried to set.
"Okay then."
The conversation is short, but the weight of it hangs over me as I lie in bed. A knot of anxiety tightens in my stomach, twisting deeper the more I think about seeing him tomorrow. I saw him just a few days ago, but it feels different now—like something's shifted between us, and not in a good way.
My stomach churns, nausea creeping up on me. My heart starts pounding harder, and I feel the familiar swell of anxiety rising in my chest. *Why does he do this to me?* Why, after all this time, does he still make me feel so... unsettled? I think about his message from earlier, his casual apology for being "weird"—the one that glossed over the fact that he asked for pictures like it was nothing.
I feel like I'm going to be sick.
It's not love anymore. It used to be, but whatever this feeling is now, it's not that. It's more complicated, messier—like some twisted version of affection laced with resentment. It's impossible to describe. How can you hate someone and still feel something for them? How can the thought of them make your skin crawl and your heart race at the same time?
I pull the covers up and try to focus on sleep, but my mind keeps spinning in circles. I feel lost. I need to sleep, but all I can do is think of him. Of how much anxiety he brings into my life, and yet, how hard it is to fully let him go.
YOU ARE READING
The best man
ChickLitLily and Conor have been inseparable since their university days, bound by a deep friendship that has weathered the test of time. While Conor appreciates Lily's presence in his life and the comfort of their relationship, he remains oblivious to the...
