If Only You Loved Me | ✓

Chapter 40

note.
this is the last chapter.

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Chapter 40

I was clearly attracted to him, Ryker Miguel Adeva, the first time I've laid my eyes on him. In the midst of the dark with only strobe lights guiding our paths, I could vividly describe how beautiful he was to me. His skin is flawless and as smooth as it can be. The way his hair would carelessly flaunt how silky it was. The way his eyes would show his emotions regardless of how much he tries to mask it. The way he knows you're attracted to him so the grin on his lips widens.

Goddamn it, I really liked the guy.

I love that guy.

I don't really have regrets before dying. . .but not being able to tell him how much he meant to me dreaded me. I got scared that I wouldn't be able to see his beautiful face once again. I wouldn't wake up and I would never see how he would grow old in time. I was afraid of not growing old with him.

My eyes opened wide and I saw the white ceiling as soon as my sight was regained. Napansin ko na ang paligid ko ay halos puti lang din maliban na lang sa maliit na TV sa harapan ko. I looked around me and saw that I was in a hospital bed. Sinikap kong tumayo ngunit naramdaman ko agad ang pagod. My body was clearly still recovering. Napahawak ako sa aking leeg, I could still feel her hand on it.

"Ziah?" Someone staggered to get to me. Napalingon ako rito at nakitang si Lotte pala. Pupungas-pungas siyang lumapit sa akin.

"Lot. . ." my voice came out hoarse, as if my voice was taken away from me. It faded in the middle and I was only able to communicate with her through gazes.

Napabuntonghininga siya. "Huwag ka na muna magsalita. But I'm glad you're awake."

I nodded weakly. Alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko rin kayang magsalita nang magsalita. I wouldn't be able to tell her what I really feel right now because I couldn't remember a thing. Ang tanging naaalala ko ay ang kadiliman na pumaibabaw sa akin nang higpitan n'ya ang paghawak sa aking leeg.

"She's in jail. . .your stepmother. . .or the wife of your biological father," sabi sa akin ni Lotte. "Malaki ang galit n'ya sa 'yo at sa mama mo. Some are even asking for her to be able to be bailed out."

"Really?" paos na tanong ko.

"Sabing 'wag munang magsalita," she hissed at me.

I only grinned at her. Tingnan mo ang isang ito, concern lang pero may halong galit pa rin ang tono. Pakiramdam ko ay kahit nagaalala siya sa akin, gusto n'ya rin akong batukan dahil sa ginawa ko. I was reckless that time. All I had was the courage to talk to that woman and also my faith that Lotte, my best friend, will not abandon me.

The people who love me wouldn't abandon me. It was a hard truth that I needed to swallow—and if one day that they do abandon me. . .then maybe the love that they had for me wasn't strong enough. Maybe what we had already run its course. And that isn't anyone's fault at all. I shouldn't blame myself for it as well.

Just because they don't love me anymore doesn't diminish my worth.

"Kumain ka na muna," sabi ni Lotte. "Bibili ako sa cafeteria nila." Lumingon siya sa akin. "Lugaw ba gusto mo? Iwasan muna natin ang matitigas at mahirap lunukin."

"Ilayo mo si Ryker nang wala ako makain na matigas at mahirap lunukin," biro ko at napaubo. I still can't talk well.

Umirap siya at pinag-krus ang kan'yang mga braso. "Matulog ka na lang ulit. Kakagising mo lang ay 'yan na agad ang bungad mo sa akin."

Bahagya akong natawa nang makita ang reaksyon ni Lotte. She slowly shook her head. Hindi makapaniwala na nagagawa ko pang magbiro kahit halos katatakas ko lang sa bingit ng kamatayan.