If Only You Loved Me | ✓

Epilogue

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Epilogue

People usually put a high regard on love. Palaging sinasabi na dapat ang ginagawa natin ay sinasamahan ng pagmamahal para mas magaan, mas masaya, o mas masarap sa pakiramdam gawin. You wouldn't feel the heaviness of it once you've realized you love what you do.

I call bullshit on that.

"Kaya ko gawin, basta 'wag lang mahalin," I chuckled after joining in with my friends. "I hate math."

"But you're good at it," sabi sa akin ni Errol. "I think you should be an engineer or something. Any course na may math."

"Mathematics teacher?" I scoffed. I wasn't good at math but I was the only one who didn't fail in our class during our exam in mathematics.

Hindi ako magaling, I refused to believe that someone's good at something innately. Lahat ay napagaaralan para sa akin. Pero kung may mas magaling naman, I don't see the point of competing when I know I have no edge in it. Sayang sa oras, erps.

"Sumali ka sa school publication," giit ni Errol. "Sayang naman na magaling ka sa mga essays pero di mo ginagamit para sa school."

"Dagdag gawain lang 'yan eh," reklamo ko pero natagpuan ko pa rin naman ang sarili ko na sumasali sa school publication. I wrote my name on a piece of paper, the application form for the position as soon as it was opened for submission.

Doon ko nakilala si Iscaleon Altreano at Eastre Zaguirre. Pakiramdam ko ay napilitan lang ako tropahin sila—but they're my bestest friends. They were the only ones who didn't mind my personality and how I could be such an ass sometimes. They can tolerate how my mood could sometimes deflate when I don't achieve my own expectations. They don't take it against me.

Nasanay ako na sinusunod lang ang gusto ng ibang tao para sa akin. The reason why I think loving someone. . .seemed foreign to me. Kahit nga ang mismong course ko ay mga magulang ko ang nag-push sa akin. They told me to apply to an allied health course and so I did.

I hate throwing a fuss over things that I could fix immediately. Gusto nila mag-doctor ako? Mage-enroll ako sa kursong Med Tech. Bawal si Audrey sa mga pets? Hindi ako magkakaroon ng pet. People think that I'm better off single and always ready to mingle? Then I'd just settle with that.

I have too many readings to read so I don't have the time to always prove them wrong. I value my time to know that it was better that way. Kung saan mas mabilis at mas madali, doon na lang ako.

Pudpod ako madalas sa pagaaral. Although I have a sport, kadalasan ay dahil lang din kailangan sa school. I practiced hard for basketball because I wanted to always join intramurals. Everything related to me was always about academics.

Napabuntonghinga na lang ako.

I needed a break sometimes. . .so I'd find myself pouring myself a glass of beer in any clubs that I could prospect on. Minsan sa malapit lang sa school, kadalasan sa mismong club na pagmamay-ari ni Eastre. Girls would flock on me naturally. . .and I'd be a fucking liar if I don't admit that I like the attention. I like the praises. I like the way they make me feel that they want me.

But for some reason, a girl with short cut hair managed to ignore me. On purpose.

My eyes can't leave her be. Maliit na mukha, cute nose, matang palaging parang jinu-judge ka. She was the intimidating type per se. Yet, it only made me more curious about her. Gusto ko siyang buksan. . .not just her legs, of course.

Kanina ko pa siya pinagmamasdan. I won't lie, type ko talaga siya. But for some reason, she keeps on ignoring me and avoiding my gaze. Hindi naman siya mahiyain. Ramdam ko na alam n'ya na type rin siya nung ibang mga lalaki na kasama namin sa table. She just. . .likes to play with our attention, I guess?