Glass Heart

Part Eleven

Malias POV:

I stared at the road ahead, contemplating what to say.

I replayed every moment from this party in my mind.

I replayed running to the bathroom, calling Kylie, hearing the voicemail.

I replayed Bryce kissing me, and me not pushing him off.

Every single second of today was replayed in my mind during this drive.

We got home. Silently, we walked into the house and stopped at the kitchen counter. I sat on a stool, Kylie stood looking at me.

There was a longing in her eyes. Something that made my heart beat a million times a second.

Knowing that looking at her would make me lose my courage, I looked away.

"Can you sit?" I asked. I waited until I felt her presence in the seat next to me.

"Malia,"

"Before you say anything, this is completely on me. You're perfect and amazing, you do everything right."

I looked up at Kylie, her eyes, now a stormy grey, said all of her emotions. 

"Malia,"

"No Kylie, stop." I finally got the courage to look at my girl. "Bryce kissed me. I hated it, but I kissed him back."

I saw Kylie's expression change from shock to hurt in a millisecond.

"And it didn't mean anything, but it also meant everything."

I kept talking, but Kylie stayed silent.

"You're the one I want, but I can't have you. I know we've been over this, I know you gave me the benefit of the doubt, but I don't think you know or understand the depth of my situation, how could you?"

Kylie looked at me. Her eyes were brimming with tears.

"Tell me," She said, softly. "Help me understand. What have I done that's so different than you?"

She looked at me, her emotions shining through with each tear that fell from her cheek.

"Kylie, your parents are amazing. Both of them are so creative, so understanding. Both of them know what real love is, and want nothing less than that for you. Am I wrong?"

Kylie spoke.

"No, you're completely right."

"My mom is a single mom. My little sister depends on me and looks up to me," I took a breath. "I grew up very Christian, my mom turned to God when my dad, her 'love' left us. My mom doesn't know what love is. She's never experienced it."

I took yet another breath before talking again.

"My whole life has been strategically planned out by my mom. It's almost like she is pushing me certain ways to avoid the pain she went through, and she doesn't know what it's truly doing to me."

Kylie stared at me, undeniable love in her eyes. Even when I was hurting her, she listened so well. She knows how much it means to me to be heard.

"Kylie, i'm meant to be with a boy. Even if it's not what my heart wants, it's what I was meant to do. No matter how bad I want this, I want you, my mom would never. And I can't hurt her. I cant put her through something like this."

Kylie was just looking at me, nodding, listening.

"Malia," She took a shaky breath. "Are you saying you choose Bryce?"

Her eyes had glimmers of hope in them.

All I wanted to do was pull her in and kiss her, but I can't.