Hello, Yellow Fellow

Chapter 37

Hello, Yellow Fellow
Chapter 37: Vistaluna

Nagising ako sa liwanag ng araw na tumatama sa mukha ko. Pumikit pa ako sandali at hinayaan muna 'yong init ng sikat ng araw na gumising nang tuluyan sa akin. 

Nakalimutan ko palang isara 'yong bintana kagabi, too caught up in enjoying the cool breeze. But that wasn't the only reason. I needed the fresh air to calm myself from everything Shan told me.

Ang dami niyang sinabi kagabi, and to be honest, medyo na-overwhelm ako. Para bang sabay-sabay lahat ng tanong pumapasok sa isip ko. Pero habang iniisip ko 'yong mga sinabi niya, mas nagiging malinaw na rin sa akin 'yong mga bagay-bagay. 

I think I'm starting to understand why Maki is mad at Shan. And somehow, naiintindihan ko na rin 'yong past nila nina Reign. Lahat ng piraso, unti-unting bumubuo ng isang malaking puzzle na dati ay hindi ko makita. 

Their unresolved issues, it seems like they all stem from misunderstandings and bad decisions. Nakikita ko 'yong bigger picture, pero hindi ko maiwasan na itanong kung paano nga ba maaayos lahat ng 'to. 

Too many complications, too many unresolved feelings.

At sa lahat ng 'yan, heto ako, napapaisip na kung tama bang lumayo ako kay Maki. 

Shan's words lingered in my mind, replaying over and over. He made me question everything, especially my decision.

"Eli, siguruhin mong tama 'yong magiging desisyon mo, okay? Huwag mong pilitin na itago o isantabi 'yong nararamdaman mo. Huwag mong hayaan na takot lang ang magdidikta ng landas na pipiliin mo." His voice was soft, almost a whisper, pero may bigat at lalim sa bawat salita, as if it came from a place of experience and regret.

Tahimik lang akong nakinig. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasagutin 'yon kaya't hinayaan ko na lang na lamunin ako ng katahimikan. 

"You don't have to stay there, you have the choice to move forward. May karapatan ka ring maging masaya, Eli," he added, his tone gentle but firm. 

"May karapatan kang magmahal nang malaya. Don't trap yourself in the past just because it still weighs on you. The past may burden you, but tomorrow is your chance to free yourself from the pain it caused."

Those were the last words I heard from him before we both decided to rest for the night.

It hit me hard, making me feel a deep sense of guilt. I'm realizing now just how hard I've been on myself. Ang dami kong takot na pinanghahawakan. Takot na baka magkamali ulit, takot na masaktan, takot na masira 'yong mga bagay na akala ko naroroon na.

I've been denying myself the chance to be happy, when the truth is, I always had the choice to be.

But I guess that's part of the process. Hindi naman kasi ibig sabihin na once you decide na gusto mong maging masaya, magiging okay agad lahat, 'di ba? May mga bagay na kailangang pagdaanan, mga bagay na kailangang pagnilayan at harapin. 

It's confusing, but I think I'm getting there. Slowly but surely, I'm finding my way. And somehow, kahit ang daming uncertainties, alam kong kaya ko 'to.

And part of me wanted to talk to Maki now. I longed to hear his voice, to clear all the doubts swirling in my mind. I needed to lay everything out on the table, to make sense of it all. 

Ang bobo ko sa part na nakalimutan kong may taong prinsipyo si Maki. Maki was a man of his word. He never lied to me, and right now, I needed to listen to him. I just hoped it wasn't too late.

Bumangon na ako mula sa higaan at inayos ang mga unan bago tuluyang lumabas ng kwarto. As I walked through the familiar paths of the house, I noticed the peaceful quietness outside. It felt serene yet deafening, with only the soft chirping of the birds breaking the silence.