Hello, Yellow Fellow

Chapter 15

Hello, Yellow Fellow
Chapter 15: Silent Yearning

Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako habang isa-isa kong nilalabas ang groceries na binili namin ni Maki. I classified them based on their type at agad na nilalagay sa cabinet na designated para sa mga groceries ko. Napangiwi rin ako sa dami nito, lalo na sa mga ingredients na plano niyang gamitin sa pagluluto tuwing nasa condo siya.

But that’s not going to happen anymore, he’s gone now.

"This isn't fair," wala sa sarili kong nasabi habang tinitingnan ang mga delata ng evaporada at condensada para sa milkshake na dapat gagawin niya. How could he even make my milkshake kung nasa ibang bansa na siya? Damn him.

May kung anong kumirot sa dibdib ko habang inaabot ko ang mga delata para ilagay sa taas ng cabinet. Ngayon ko lang naisipang ayusin ang mga groceries since that day, hindi ko rin alam kung bakit. Hinayaan ko lang silang nakatambak sa sofa, at tuwing lalabas ako ng kwarto, para akong tanga na natitigilan habang nakatingin sa kanila. Kaya ngayon, I decided to fix the groceries para hindi ko siya maisip, hoping to find some peace of mind.

It's been a week since tumawag ang mommy niya para pauwiin siya. We were both silent during the entire drive. No words, just a heavy, suffocating tension between us. I wanted to speak, but I didn’t even know what to say.

Even him, puro malalalim na buntong-hininga lang ang maririnig mo, probably torn between staying and leaving. Pero kailangan niyang umuwi. That same day, nag-book agad siya ng flight and left the country right after niya akong ihatid.

We just said our goodbyes, and after that, wala sa sariling lumayo ako at pumasok ng condo. Every step I took, I could feel his gaze on my back. Ramdam ko rin 'yong bigat ng balikat ko sa bawat hakbang.

That night, I started to feel empty. Wala akong ganang kumilos kasi ang bigat ng paligid at parang may kulang. Wala na nga siya para kulitin ako, pero palagi naman siyang sumasagi sa isip ko. I've been like this since the day he left, and it's driving me crazy. Ngayon ko lang din narealize kung gaano kalaki ang naging impact ni Maki sa akin kahit one month ko lang siyang nakasama.

"Kailan ka ba kasi babalik?" I muttered in frustration, throwing away the fruits we had bought that had since rotted. I pouted as I slowly dumped them into the trash can. Sayang naman, sana pala kinain ko na lang kahit walang milkshake. Hmp!

"Wala man lang paramdam," reklamo ko na naman habang nililigpit ang mga supot ng groceries.

After that night, wala na akong nabalitaan sa kanya. He didn't even call or text me na nakarating na siya sa States. And that thought hurts me. Nakakainis, hindi man lang magawang tawagan ako! Ayoko rin naman tumawag o mag-text nang una, cause that’s not very me, duh. He should be the one to make the first move. Even though I miss him like crazy, that yellow pervert should be the one to initiate.

Umupo ako sa couch at nag-scroll sa cellphone nang makita ang text ni Shan sa akin.

Shan:

Hey, next week gig punta ka.

I smiled as soon as I read his text. I got his number four days ago. Naging mutuals na rin kami sa social media at nagkapalitan ng number. As a fan, this could be one of my wildest dreams, having this kind of connection with someone I admire for years. Agad naman akong nag-reply na pupunta ako.

Nawala lang din ang ngiti ko when I scrolled down and saw our last conversation. Last week pa 'yung huling text niya nung nasa Pinas pa siya. I rolled my eyes, feeling my irritation flare up again. I’m still debating whether I should call him or not, but he’s probably busy, and I don’t want to inflate his ego by being the first to reach out. Ugh, whatever, it’s his loss.