Street Racer || Yang Jungwon

°•♡•° / 66

—— Seori

The days had started to blur together—each one an endless loop of school, coming home, and locking myself away in my room. I hadn’t smiled, hadn’t felt any joy for what felt like an eternity. The girl I used to be, the one who laughed loudly with Yeji, the girl obsessed with ramen, the one who would fight for Jungwon—she was gone. All that was left was this shell of a person, dragging herself through each day with no purpose.

I used to love ramen. The mere thought of it would bring a smile to my face, but now, even the idea of cooking it seemed exhausting. It was a small, silly thing, but ramen had been my comfort. It reminded me of simpler times, of the little moments with Jungwon, where life felt bright and exciting. Now, every time I thought about it, it just reminded me of everything I had lost.

Jungwon.

It had been over a week since I last spoke to him. My mom had taken my phone away, her version of keeping me "safe," but all it had done was make me feel more alone. More isolated. I wondered if he was thinking about me, if he missed me as much as I missed him, or if maybe... he had already moved on. That thought hurt the most.

I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling, my mind swirling with dark thoughts. Everything felt pointless. Why was I still trying? Every time I fought to be with Jungwon, something tore us apart. My mom, Jiyeon, the world—it all felt like one massive force working against us. What was the point of fighting when it seemed like no matter what I did, it wasn’t enough?

And then came the thoughts I hated, the ones I tried to push away but couldn’t. Maybe... maybe this wasn’t worth it. Maybe I wasn’t worth it. The darkness that had been creeping in on the edges of my mind over the past week had started to take over, filling every corner of my thoughts with the same painful question: What was the point?

I rolled over onto my side, curling up into a ball, my knees pulled to my chest. The room felt cold and empty, just like me. I had lost so much of myself over these past few days. The Seori I used to be felt like a distant memory, someone I could barely recognize anymore. I felt hollow, like a part of me had been carved out and thrown away, leaving behind nothing but this overwhelming sadness.

What if I disappeared? The thought drifted into my mind, soft at first, but then it settled there, growing louder. Would anyone even notice if I was gone? My mom was so busy trying to protect me, trying to control me. Would she even care if I was no longer around to be a problem for her?

And Jungwon... he had his own life, his own problems. He was strong. He didn’t need me dragging him down anymore. Maybe he was already relieved that I was gone, that my mom had forced this separation between us. Maybe I was just a burden to everyone.

I felt a lump rise in my throat, and tears stung my eyes. I tried to blink them away, but they fell anyway, soaking into my pillow. I didn’t even know why I was crying anymore. I was just so tired. So, so tired of everything. Tired of fighting, tired of pretending that things would get better. It felt like I was drowning, and no matter how hard I tried to swim to the surface, something kept pulling me back down.

Maybe disappearing would be easier. Maybe if I wasn’t here, everything would just... stop hurting.

A knock on my door startled me out of my thoughts, and for a moment, I froze. My heart pounded in my chest, and I quickly wiped away the tears, trying to compose myself.

“Seori?” My mom’s voice came from the other side, soft but firm. “Dinner is ready.”

I didn’t respond. I didn’t want to see her, didn’t want to face the woman who had taken everything from me. How could she act like everything was normal? How could she not see what all of this was doing to me?