Unchaste Connection

Twenty Three

Bada's POV

Masuyo nyang hinawakan ang mga kamay ko na nakahawak sa mga pisngi niya. I saw him close his eyes. Parang pagod na pagod niyang ipinikit ang mga mata niya.

Nagulat ako sa tindi ng emosyong ipinapakita ng mata nya ng imulat niya ito at tumingin ng deretso sa mga mata ko.

"Please tell me you're real..." His eyes are pleading with unshed tears.

Lumunok ako para alisin ang bara sa lalamunan ko. "I am real at simula ngayon, aayusin na natin to ha?"

I saw the shock in his eyes.

"My sister talked to you." Not a question. It's a statement. Para bang siguradong sigurado sya na kinausap ako ng kapatid nya kaya biglang naging ganito ako sa kanya.

I can feel his hands suddenly feels cold. Nararamdaman ko din ang unti unting pangangatal nito at ang pagkagat niya sa labi niya para pigilan ang panginginig nito.

"Yes, and that's the reason why I'm here." Naramdaman ko ng akmang aalisin niya ang hawak nya sa kamay ko. Mabilis kong hinawakan ng mahigpit ang kamay nya. "Akala ko kasi ginawa mo akong kabit eh! Akala ko ginawa mo akong side chick while you have your angelic girlfriend na palagi mong pinupuntahan! Tapos nagpakilala pa sakin na Hyeokjae's wife daw!" I told him sa nagsusumbong na boses.

Nakita ko kung paano siya matigilan at magulat. "What? What are you talking about? Anong girlfriend? Anong wife? Anong kabit?" I smile internally when I saw him nervously look at me. 'Success, I was able to distract him.' Alam kong iisipin nyang kaya ako nandito ay dahil sa pakiusap ng ate nya o dahil naawa ako sa kanya. Pero gusto kong maintindihan niya na hinding hindi ko gagawin yun sa kanya. Mahal ko sya at hindi ako magistay dahil lang sa naawa ako.

"Wait... wait, hold up! I will never make you my mistress. Fuck, I have never loved anyone else since high school! Ikaw lang!" I saw the panic in his eyes. 'I know, sorry baby, I need to divert your attention.' Kinilig naman ako sa sinabi niya, kailangan kong panindigan na hindi muna ako marupok ngayon.

Inirapan ko siya. "Aba, eh malay ko ba? You're so mysterious. I never know what you're thinking because you never tell me. Tapos palagi ka pang basta nalang nawawala..."

"But that's because..." hindi nya maituloy ang sasabihin nya. He bit his lip and look down. 'I know, you need to go to your sessions, or need to be there for your sister. And I'm sorry sa kung ano anong masasamang bagay ang inisip ko sayo ng mga panahong yun.'

I hold his face para magpantay muli ang mga mata naming dalawa. I want him to understand my pains. To recognize that we are really on a very complicated set up before. That there are misunderstandings between us that we can avoid only if we are just honest with each other.

"I want you to listen to me. I will tell you everything I feel about you from the start. Lahat ng mga sakit na pinagdaanan ko na kagagawan ko din naman pala, only because you have never been honest with me." He opened his mouth but closed it again.

Napabuntong hininga ako. "I will open everything to you today. And you'll listen to me, but please know that I'm also waiting for your side. You know I can listen too... just let me...okay?" I saw how his eyes moistened from tears.

Huminga ako ng malalim. This will never be an easy task. I will tell him things that I thought I would bury deep in my soul. I will share all my worries, insecurities, and fears with him. Because I also want him to do the same. I will trust him with all my vulnerable sides, hoping that he can trust me with his.

I saw him look at me intently. I want him to feel that I'm sincere about this. Na kahit hindi man ako pinuntahan ng Ate nya, balak ko na talagang hanapin siya para kausapin.