Unchaste Connection

Twenty Four

Bada's POV

Kitang kita ko kung paanong bumigay ang mata nya. Kitang kita ko yung sakit, na para bang ang tagal niyang ikinubli yung pakiramdam na ito sa mga mapang-inis nyang tawa sa akin noon.

I hugged him tight. Hindi na ako muling nagsalita. Hinayaan ko lang sya iiyak lahat. Ang sakit. Parang nakita ko sa kaya ang isang batang humagulgol ng iyak kasi finally, there's someone he can tell his troubles away na talagang mahal siya. Na he can bare everything without being guarded. Because I assured him na kahit anong mangyari, nandito lang ako makikinig sa kanya with no judgement at all.

Walang nagsasalita sa aming dalawa. Hinayaan ko lang siyang umiyak ng umiyak. When he finally stops crying, I brought him to his room. Para syang nawawalang bata, malikot ang mata nya para bang hinihintay nya kung ano ang susunod kong gagawin. In these cases and times, I learned that it's important to give him assurance.

He even thanked me, telling me that this is the first time he was able to cry so much without breaking down. Without having any episodes.

Nagbihis lang ako at nahiga sa tabi niya. Natulog kaming yakap ang isa't isa. And for the first time in my life, I whispered my prayer not for myself, but for someone else. I prayed to God to give him strength to fight all his demons. I prayed to God to give him courage to face all his monsters. I know it's a long battle ahead, but I hope that one day he'll be able to let go of all the guilt in his heart.

I woke up yet again without him on my side. Mabilis akong napatakbo sa labas ng kwarto. I smell food so I immediately run to his kitchen. I saw him cooking. His back is facing me. Mabilis akong lumapit sa kanya at niyakap siya sa likuran. Naramdaman ko pa ang maliit niyang pagkagulat. He looked at me from the side. "Good Morning.." I smiled at him.

"Good morning..." he smiled at me too. His demeanor is more welcoming now than it was last night. Maybe he's giving both of us a chance. I know how strong my baby is. Alam kong maraming gumugulo sa isip nya at marami siyang doubt, pero hindi ako mapapagod magbigay ng assurance sa kanya. I will make him feel my sincerity and love.

Noong una, ramdam ko pa ang pagiging medyo reserve niya sa akin. I know he thinks that I only changed because I discover about his condition, but I asked him to open his phone so he'll see my hundreds of messages telling him how much I love him bago pa man makipagkita sa akin ang ate nya.

Nahihiya man, hinayaan kong basahin nya lahat yun, kahit pa noong ko lang narealize kung gaano ako kadesperada sa mga text messages ko. Nagulat pa sya ng buksan nya ang cellphone nya at iwanan ito ng ilang minuto eh dumating ang mga messages ko from the morning he left me. That's a total of 210 messages! Lahat telling him how much I love him, how much I missed him, telling him na balikan na niya ako. Muntik na akong tumakbo sa kahihiyan ng basahin nya yun isa isa.

We spent several days pa before he opened to me what really happened the last time he got his episodes. Why he decided to isolate himself again. Why did he decide to hide from me.

We cleared our issues with Kai. I even have Kai meet us with his girlfriend so that I can assure him that everything is just a misunderstanding. I also explained myself when I learned about my drunk talking. I cried so much, thinking the pain he felt when he heard those words. Sinigurado kong alam mya kung gaano ako nagsisisi sa kagagahan ko ng mga panahong yun.

And finally, inamin nya sa akin yung worry niya about kay Daniel, na matagal na daw syang nagseselos dito. So, I got Daniel the earliest flight para umuwi dito at sabay naming ipaliwanag kay Hyeokjae ang lahat. Hindi ako pumayag na hindi siya uuwi agad, itatakwil ko talaga siya bilang kapamilya kapag hindi na-clear yung issue ni Hyeokjae sa kanya.