to be loved

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Honestly.
I wanna be a person who is admired by someone.
Someone who wants to be loved by me.
In a relationship.
But it feels like I'm unlovable.
Like I have a crush on someone,
and they turn me down.
Somehow it's always like this.
That's how my life has always been going.
That's the reason why I think I'm unlovable.
That's why I gave up on relationships.
Honestly.

It doesn't matter if my friends say,
I talk nonsense.
I know they mean it,
I shouldn't be so hard on myself.
But I can't believe them anymore,
because I know,
it will be always like this.
Maybe I wasn't meant for relationships at the very beginning.

I was always lonely.
And I still am.

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