Pandora's Box

26 - Fight of the Century

26 - FIGHT OF THE CENTURY

I am numb. I don't feel anything. And I sat there on the table, wondering when I will start crying. I gave out a dry laugh. I was so confident, so sure of myself that Stephen will choose me. And now, look where it got me. Sitting alone on a table decorated with tealight candles and rose petals. This is why I hate assuming. I assumed and assumed, I thought he loved me. Even though I told myself not to get ahead of things, I did it anyway, I read into things that really meant nothing. What am I gonna do now? 

I looked around me. I looked at the tealight candles, the rose petals, the sparkling grape juice, everything. All those planning, all those running around, all wasted. I looked at the clock. It's already 6:30. And even though I just wanted to sleep and forget this ever happened, I can't. I have to eat. My sunshine depends on me for his/her nutrition and I can't go to sleep without eating. With that in mind, I forced my wobbly legs to stand up and go to the kitchen to get the food I have prepared. The food that was supposed to be eaten by me and Stephen. 

I laid it all out on the table and said out loud in a cheery voice, "Well, sunshine, let's eat."

I placed a portion of the Mango Bites on my plate. I took a piece and ate it. I swallowed it and I said to myself, "This is really good Audrey."

Silence answered back.

'And don't worry, you'll never eat alone again. You've got me and baby to accompany you.'

'You promise?'

'I promise.'

Our conversation at Stephen's parents house echoed in my mind. It seemed like a million years ago when I first went there to meet his parents. I should've known. My parents also promised me a lot of things, and they were all broken. I should have expected this one will not be different.

I forced myself to take another bite, with silence as my only company. I'm quite used to this, you know? All my life I've been alone. And I found myself laughing. My life is pathetic. I can't seem to escape loneliness and silence. Maybe I'll never be able to escape. My laughter turned into sobs and everything around me turned into a blur. But I suppressed it. I took a shaky breath and held it in.

After finishing the Mango Bites, I moved on to the main course. I cut a portion of the chicken and placed it on my plate. I then noticed the sparkling grape juice. It' still unopened. I stood up and headed to the kitchen to get the wine opener. When I found it, I headed back to the dining area and grabbed the bottle with shaking hands. I tried and tried and tried, but I can't open it. Tears are now streaming down my cheeks, but I angrily wiped it away. I tried again but this time, my frustrations got the better of me and I threw the bottle on the wall.

The silence was broken with the sound of shattering glass. It echoed around the empty house, reminding me again that I was alone, completely and utterly alone. A sob escaped from me, and I put my face into my hands as I cried. After a few moments, I took a deep breath and wiped my tears from my cheeks. I decided I will clean that later.

I went back to the table and ate. Take a bite, chew and swallow. Take a bite, chew and then swallow. I repeated this set of motions until I finished eating dessert, and I felt like my chest is going to explode. I wanted to scream, I wanted to thrash out, but I stopped myself. I won't break down here. Not here.

After eating, I cleaned up everything. I put the excess food in the fridge and I swiped the floor clean of rose petals, I blew out the fire from the tealight candles. Then I opened the light switch, because it's too dark and I still have to clean the shattered glass. When the light was on, I looked at the dining area. Everything is back to normal and the only sign of my heartbreak was the shattered glass on the floor.