Clueless Boy - Minsung

Chapter 33

Minho sat on Chan's bed, his hands on his forehead as he hid his face.

Tears have been streaming down for some time now, and he preferred not showing much.

"Why did you never told me about the kiss episode ?" Chan asked softly.

"I don't know ... I felt shameful" Minho shrugged, sniffing.

"I get it ... But now I get even more how troubled you were at the time" He responded, frustrated he couldn't help him out earlier.

Minho only sighed at that

"Why did you get so angry at his question?" Chan asked, trying to get a glimpse of his battling thoughts. 

"It's like ... I've been trying to push away all this pain I've been feeling... And it was like he was mocking me for it. Like he could see right through me and put it right at my face" Minho mumbled, dejected.

"But you know it isn't, right ?"

"I know ..." He breathed out, scatteredly "I'm genuinely feeling stupid... I should have just said no and moved on ... I know he doesn't get everything, I know he's clueless..."

"You have to understand that you can't be perfect either, Min" Chan reassured "It's okay to feel things, and it's okay to get overwhelmed"

"But now I might have created an argument" Minho mumbled weakly.

"Just apologize for it" Chan said softly "Also ... Why not open up to Jisung ?"

"So he can reject me ?" He scoffed.

"Who said he will ?"

"Chan, he doesn't like me back" Minho responded "He made it clear back then, and he stabbed me right in the heart today as he reminded me of it"

"But maybe it'd help you move on ..." Chan supposed.

"So I lose him ?" Minho said, shaking his head "Admitting my feeling is the same as saying goodbye to all of our moments, all of our discussions and all we built until now"

"I get it ... I don't totally agree with you, but I can't force you to open up I guess" Chan said with a sigh, feeling the emotional whirlwind Minho was in.

"Mmh"

Chan approached him, passing a hand on his back reassuringly.

"Go back and discuss, mmh ?"

Minho sighed, raising his head and wiping his eyes.

"Yeah, I'll apologize"

Going back home, Minho was feeling stressed.

He only wanted to blurt his apologies out, and move on.

He wanted them to discuss, then laugh it out, and watch a movie as they are so used to.

He took a deep breath, then turned the knob.

"Hey" He said weakly, entering the dorm.

He didn't notice Jisung right away, then he put his eyes on him.

Jisung was sitting on the couch, staring at the ceiling.

And he seemed to be doing that for some time already.

It was weird, but Minho felt bad, biting at his lower lip.

It was his fault and he will apologize for it.

He entered discreetly, and Jisung looked at him.

He watched him while Minho grabbed a chair and pulled it closer to the couch.

And Minho sat down, before looking right at his eyes.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you" He said softly.

He watched how Jisung's expression changed. He saw how he went from completely thoughtful, to softened.

Minho could kill for those doe eyes.

He took another deep breath, and continued.

"Look... Um ... For some reasons, I've been a little anxious lately and I think I just let all this fall when you asked me that" He explained.

He looked at Jisung, who didn't seem convince, somehow.

He looked thoughtful again, weirded out again.

He supposed his excuses weren't convincing, but he wanted to be. He wanted to move on from this stupid argument.

He smiled at him, just a tiny sad smile.

"I'm sorry I did, you don't deserve to live whatever is going on inside my head" He added.

Then they fell in another silence.

Jisung was being completely silent.

He was listening, completely.

But it was like a thousands of thoughts were flying from left to right inside his mind.

It was like he got completely lost, completely overwhelmed, confused to the core.

Minho was weirded out, but he wanted nothing more than to stop all the argument.

He looked at him, his eyes betraying his worries.

"Are you mad at me ?"

Minho asked, and his voice was more shaky than he expected.

Jisung seemed to be taken a back by the question, but still didn't anwer out loud.

He only shook his head.

"I'm really sorry" Minho repeated "I- I will not kiss you, but I'm sorry because I could have just said so instead of getting angry" Minho responded, not convinced by Jisung loss of answers.

Why was he so weird ? Why was he so silent ? Have Minho scared him ?

He bit his lower lip anxiously.

"Why are you so silent ? Are you okay Ji ?" He asked softly.

"Mmh" He hummed as an answer, nodding his head at the same time.

But Minho knew him by heart.

He could recognize his confused expression in any kind of scenario.

"Hey" He continued, still softly "Tell me what's on your mind, mmh ?"

Jisung seemed to take a deep breath.

And he opened his mouth.

"Is it true that you like me ?"

And Minho was speechless.