Mercy

Part 21: Choke

She didn't spend the night and I didn't push. She kissed me goodbye and I swear to god, she looked happy. I didn't think that I cared like this but something in me flipped when she blushed as she left. This was new for me, and I think it might have been just as new for her. I don't think that she has been intimate with someone like this.

I went to bed that night and her presence in my mind was calmer than ever. When I slept I dreamt of her but I watched her sleep, not the other way around. I almost didn't want her to wake up, I liked her like this. She felt safe, she trusted me.

I didn't want to be needy, but I was. This manifested in text messages I would cringe at if anyone else had sent them.

'I want to see you'

I waited and I was getting inpatient. My mind went to dark places. What if I read it all wrong, what if she just played with me. What if she went home and spent the night with someone else.

'I didn't think you would be this needy'

I looked at my phone and I was embarrassed. Another message lit up my screen.

'Come over'

There was no need to tell me twice. I made sure that my hair was perfect and I put on some nice underwear. I drove to her apartment and I realized that I was supposed to work tomorrow and I also realized that I didn't care at all. I walked up to her door and as she opened the door I was amazed. She was in a robe and she was not wearing a bra. The silk against her body didn't leave much to the imagination. It took me a lot of self control to not just rip the robe of her and take her right there.

"Take a picture it will last you longer" Her smirk almost became a laugh.

"So you're into that. Because I could really use something to keep me company when I'm lonely at night" I winked. She took my hand and I pushed the door closed after us. She walked me to the bedroom. "Oh, aren't you forward"

"Amelia... Let's not pretend that you are here to talk"

"Hey! I might want something more than just your body" I couldn't explain why but I was a little offended. I wanted more from her, I wanted all of her.

"So I should get dressed?"

"Absolutely not" I pulled her in and kissed her. I untied her robe and I pushed it off her shoulder. I let my hands stay on her shoulder as I pushed her onto the bed. I stood over her and looked at her. I leaned down and kissed her as I started to play with one of her nipples. I felt how it got hard as I touched her. I kissed down her neck, making my way to her nipple and I sucked it into my mouth. I was moving my tongue slowly against it and I listened to her breathing. I started to touch her through the fabric of her panties.

"Wait" I heard her moan and I stopped. For her I would exercise restraint, for her I wanted to be good. I sat up, straddling her thigh. "Stand up" She commanded and I did. "Strip... I want to see you, Amelia" She looked shy but sounded determined. I wouldn't deny her anything. I slowly unbuttoned my pants and removed them. Her eyes moved up and down my legs. Her eyes met mine and I removed my shirt leaving me in only my underwear. I had never been self conscious about my body but as her eyes moved over my body I wondered what she thought. I wondered if she liked the way I looked.

She stood up and pulled me in for a soft kiss. Her hands snaked around my back and she undid my bra. She was so soft and so sweet and for once I liked it. She turned us around and made me lay back. She stood there looking at me before she removed my underwear. She straddled my waist and I felt that she was wet through her panties. Her fingers traced over my torso, almost as if she was studying me. Her gaze burned and my skin needed her touch.

"Please" I didn't realize that I said it. She looked pleased with herself.

"Please what?" She tried to look innocent. It didn't work.

"Please touch me"

She took her fingers to her mouth and then she reached through her own legs to touch me, leaning over me and then she started to circle my clit. She had done this before, from the way she touched me this was a fact. She was on top of me with one hand tracing patterns around my clit and the other beside my head holding her up, letting her watch me.

"I've wanted to do this for a long time" She pushed her fingers inside of me and I let out an unholy sound. I felt how she started to grind against her own arm, trying to get some friction as she moved inside me. I found a way to touch her like this. I managed to rub her clit and she started to moan. She sat up a little and she lifted her hand, placing it on my neck. I had never been on the receiving end of this. "Do you like it?" She held me down and I couldn't breathe. I started to panic. I pushed her off me and I started to hyperventilate. Every person I had choked to death flashed before my eyes. I did not like it. I did not like it at all.

I was having my very first panic attack. Everything around me started to go dark and I couldn't catch my breath. I had never been afraid of death and I even liked pain but something about this was bringing out fear like I had never felt before. I tried to stand but my legs gave up and I ended up on the floor right next to the bed. She got down in front of me, still naked and she kept her distance as she tried to talk me down. She tried to get me to breath and I was getting more annoyed, I knew how to breath it just didn't fucking work. She reached out to touch me but I slapped her hand away. She held her hand as if I hurt her and I think something just snapped. I pushed her down and got on top of her. I put my hands around her throat and I squeezed.