Mercy

Part 18: Maggie

I had not processed what happened as I got home and laid down in my own bed again. What the fuck was that. Morning had come and I knew that it was too late to sleep but I tried to close my eyes for an hour or so before going into work. I tried to relax but all I could do was taste her still in my mouth, I licked my lips and her presence became even more intense. I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and took a shower. I washed her off me all though I don't know if that is what I truly wanted.

Work was fine and I had recently started to work on one of our newer residents. My strategy was the same, make her trust me, open up about my life and make her feel special and then when the time was right I would take her trust and safety as I snuffed out her life. My target was called Maggie and she was dying. She had pancreatic cancer and didn't have much time. She still believed that she could get better and that made her absolutely perfect. She had hope and I loved taking that from people. Today was different, I didn't think about Maggie.

"What is wrong Amelia?" I was deep in thought when Maggie, sweet sweet Maggie, snapped me out of it. She had kind eyes and she looked like she made great banana bread.

"Sorry. I'm a little stuck in my head..."

"I know that look. You're thinking about a boy" Old people always assume that you are straight but I guess it's the generational thing. I smile vaguely and shake my head. "Ah... A girl then?" She winked and I almost laughed, she was cute. I imagine she had been beautiful in her youth, bright blue eyes and a pretty smile.

"Yeah" We were sitting in the group room and she was knitting while I held her yarn.

"What's the problem then?" She didn't look at me, she went back to knitting and this felt like the most casual conversation ever had. I wonder if this was what it would have been like to have a mother, a real mother that cared. A mother that listened to your troubles and wanted the best for you.

"I... I broke her trust and now I can't get it back. I disappeared and now she won't let me make it up to her" I stated. I realized that I should have shown more emotion but maybe it was acceptable that I didn't. Maybe it was perceived as me trying to keep calm because the emotions were too much? Fingers crossed.

"So you ghosted her?" I actually laughed this time. This happens sometimes. An old person said something that you wouldn't expect and it was always funny. I think that people as a whole stop thinking of elders as real people, I was not guilty of this.

"Where on earth did you learn that?" At this point she was the closest to a friend I had to confide in and the question almost felt genuine. We had built rapport.

"I hear things, I'm old, not deaf" That is exactly what an old person would say, I do not tell her that.

"Right... Well, I guess I did. I ghosted her"

"So why are you crawling back to her now?" Well dear Maggie, I started to get a taste for blood then I thought I fell in love with a woman but when I killed her it didn't feel as good as I thought, so now I need to kill someone I care for. Also we grew up together and someone once referred to us as sisters which I find more disturbing than the killing.

"Things changed I guess" It was the shorter explanation.

"Amelia Mae Roberts" She was about to reprimand me, no one ever used my full name. "You can not treat people badly and assume that they will welcome you back with open arms. Words can not make up for actions. You have to put in the work if you want her to even look at you again" Her voice was stern and obviously filled with experience. Had she ever abandoned someone, maybe she had been abandoned.

"I don't know how to do that" I admitted in defeat. What she said was reasonable but how did I do that?

"You show up" I looked at her confused. "You regain her trust by showing up for her, but you can't expect anything back. Give her your time and attention" Well I had given her my time and attention earlier today... and I didn't get anything in return, but I don't think Maggie was talking about oral. "Amelia, you're a good kid. If you really like her like you seem to do, I know you'll find a way"

"Thanks. I'll keep showing up for her I guess"

"Keep me updated. I expect a wedding invitation one day" It was sad because she didn't have long left. I mean, to someone else it would sound sad, to me it was just... Ironic.

"Sure, Mags" She looked away from her knitting and gave me a warm smile. It reached her eyes and I knew that she meant it, she was rooting for me.

"It's almost four, do you want to lay down for a while before dinner?" She nodded and I walked her into her room. She liked to hold my hand as she fell asleep so I let her. Just as she was about to close her eyes I stood up and put my hand on her cheek. "Thank you" I let my hand linger before I put it around her throat. She opened her eyes and I could see fear and confusion. I got on top of her and held her down, choking her. If I had to guess what she was trying to say it would probably be something like 'Why?' or 'What are you doing?'. Her face got red and her blue eyes got bloodshot. I don't know if her eyes were actually bulging out but from where I was seated it looked like it. I smiled as she started to fight back but my knees were on her arms and she didn't stand a chance. She kicked and for a second I worried about the noise. She started to pass out and tears were falling. I felt like myself for the first time in a long long time. She felt betrayed, scared and probably angry. I couldn't stop smiling. When she finally passed out, I put my hand over her mouth and nose. You have to be sure when it comes to matters like these.

I felt her breathing stop and how her body relaxed. This was my favorite part. I felt her spirit leave and everything that had been this person was gone. I made her disappear, I took her from this world and it was exhilarating. I did like blood but this still did it for me, at least this time. Maybe it was the fact that she trusted me, it felt great. I leaned down and whispered in her ear.

"Bye" I kissed her cheek. I had never done that before but I haven't really been able to get anything out of my kills, not anything lasting. Maggie gave me comfort and hope and in return I took hers. I was dead.

I do wonder sometimes how my life would have panned out if I never started killing. If my parents had been good people and if they raised me right. Deep down I believe that I am the way I am because I am born this way, but maybe I wouldn't have figured out that I liked killing had it not been for my mother. Maybe I would have turned out more like Roger. Would it have changed the trajectory for the siblings as well? I don't know how much of their trauma was enhanced by my influence. Would Autumn be better off without me? No. She would still have been in that house with Roger, if anything I did things better for her. Well... Maybe not killing her only friend outside of the family would have been better for her mental health. Not that Deliah was the best influence or the most stable person to be around. I decided that I didn't make things worse, I didn't. But I could make things better.

I knew that I was going to see her at Roger's mansion in two days. It meant that I had two days to figure out how you show up for a person. Laid in bed that night and instead of fantasizing about Autumn I thought of Maggie. What a lovely woman.