Mercy

Part 3: Blood

Working in the nursing home was fine. We primarily did end of life care for people that didn't have many relatives to take care of them. Some might find it sad but I think it is pretty nice. It is like a college dorm for old people who are about to die. I would rather be around people in the same situation than some crying family member that looks at me like I am already a ghost. I didn't kill all of them, of course I didn't that would be unrealistic. I tried to hold back and really think it through before setting anything in motion. Sometimes they would pass away before I had a chance to do anything, what a waste. The most important thing was to be consistent. I needed all of the people working and living at the facility to perceive me in a good way. I had made a character for myself. I was a little distant but with the elders I was a bleeding heart and my colleagues just thought that I put on a tough front for them to not look like I cared too much. Sometimes I sat in the room with a sleeping elder and held their hand, I planed it out so one of my co-workers would find me like this. They would smile to themself as if they had discovered that I was a softie. I would also smile to myself knowing that I got exactly what I wanted. If I may say it myself, I am a great actress.

I prefer killing women. Yes, there might be some mommy issues there that I am not ready to deal with but I killed men as well if the opportunity presented itself. I liked killing but I had been doing it for years now and it was getting stale and even a little bit boring killing old people. Some fought back, that was actually fun sometimes, they challenged me. Once a woman named Marianne pushed me to the floor and went for the door, she didn't scream which was lucky for me but bad for her. When she was about to grab the door handle I grabbed her leg and I yanked it back. She hit the floor hard and I think I heard a bone crack. It made things difficult when they would get hurt and I had to stage it like an accident but it really got the adrenaline pumping. Marianne was bleeding from her nose and I got on top of her and I suffocated her with a pillow from the couch. It would have been better with something else because I had to dispose of the pillow but in the end it worked out. I made it look as if she fell out of her bed and landed on her face. She was quite frail so the fall was believable. I don't think many would have expected her to fight as much as she did, it had been impressive and I would have fond memories of Marianne.

Sometimes when they fought back there would be blood. I didn't like it at first but the more I had to deal with it the more it fascinated me. It is slippery then it becomes sticky. It makes a mess and it is hard to clean up but god, it was mesmerizing; kind of like seeing the life force leave the body. I liked the idea of exsanguination. I read about a countess from a long long time ago, they called her 'Lady Dracula' and she would bathe in the blood of virgins. I don't know if we can confirm that there were only virgins but she hung them up and slit their throats and let the blood pour over her. Some say that she was trying to use it as some kind of vitalisation ritual, I think that maybe she just liked blood in the way I was starting to. Maybe Elizabeth Báthory, that was her real name, just liked watching the life force drip out of people. Elizabeth would enter my mind every now and again. She was, if everything you read about her is true, the most prevalent female serial killer and she also preferred to kill women. I wondered if her mother had been a bitch as well.

The downside of this new interest was that I had no way of acting it out. I couldn't just start to stab elders to death. There would be a lot more questions about some old broad with a slit throat rather than one who passed quietly in the night. I came to the realization that I would have to kill someone outside of work. I hadn't done it since Deliah.

I messed up a lot when it came to dear ole Dee-Dee. I wish I could go back in time and change things. I had never told anyone what I told her and I wonder how much I could have told her before she would try to run. Killing people was lonely and I would love to just spill my guts sometimes. I would like to tell someone my secrets, not because of my guilty conscience; I didn't have one of those. I would just like to see how someone would react. What if I told someone about everything I had done and everything I was going to do. The thought made me excited. The confession would end in death, for them not me, but I bet it still would feel good.

I could probably tell Roger but it felt like it might complicate our relationship. He never held Deliah's death over my head but at times asked me for favours and it was hard to say no seeing what he knew. He never asked me to kill anyone, that would be a little dark even for him. I think that a part of him really saw me as his child and I don't think that he would like to see his child kill for him. I would though, I would kill if he asked me to. The favour he asked me for, or the one that matters got one of his colleagues put in jail, it made it possible for Roger to take his place and he dubbed his fortune that year. I didn't have to do much, I was still seventeen and the man was around fifty and he liked paying for sex. Don't worry I didn't have to fuck him. That would be a fucked up situation for Roger to put me in. I met him in a bar and I took him upstairs, as soon as I had the money the police busted through the door. It was a slam dunk for Roger and I honestly didn't do much. All of this to say that I trusted Roger but I did not want to tell him my little secrets and I didn't want to kill him. He was still of use to me.

So I started to daydream about killing a stranger. I thought about different places I could meet them where there would be no record of us meeting. I thought about how to get them to come with me. I had decided that when I killed them, it would be in my home. I had a small house and I needed to control the environment so it made sense. Then I thought about knives. I started to go to hunting stores and read up on what kinds of blades you could use and what their pros and cons were. There are a lot of knives out there and I wanted to be well versed so it took me a while to pick out the perfect one. It was sleek, elegant, and it had a cross guard, which seemed to be important. I slowly started to buy the supplies I would need. I went to different stores, paid with cash and I had waiting periods between purchases. I was smart and I would get away with this.

I wasn't worried about going to prison. I would do well and probably even be popular when they knew I was a serial killer, but primarily I wasn't worried because realistically it wouldn't happen.

Now I just had to find someone to kill. I decided that I needed to get to know them, I had to find a person that I would enjoy killing. I knew that it was going to be a woman and I knew that I wanted her to be special. I can't say that I myself understood what I meant by that but I thought about it like love, when you know you just know. I spent my evenings in bars and I started to keep track of the women I saw regularly. When I started to like someone I would do some research. I would follow them home and find their address. After this it was so easy to find them online. People should really be more careful about what they put out there, there are a lot of weirdos out here. I had researched a couple of women but none of them felt right so I did what I promised myself and I waited.