Mercy

Part 31: Little Talks

"Are you sure?"

"Mhm" I looked at him, no doubt in my mind.

"Ok... Still gross but I guess... I guess I would want you to be happy" He took a huge sip and it finished his drink. Reece was really too good to be true. "I'm not sure that I want to know. But what is the problem? I mean, she has had a crush on you forever"

"You know about that?" This actually surprised me. He was sweet and a good man but I wouldn't call him observant.

"Of course. Why do you think she was so mad at you for making other friends? The whole Delia thing crushed her" I never thought about that, Reece might have insight like this. "Aaaaaand, I might have read her diary" I laughed.

"That makes sense" I said, smiling. "You don't have to be my confidant Reece, you can leave if you want. I understand why this is weird"

"Tell me what is wrong Mia" He said sternly.

"Well, we kinda... and then she kinda with someone else. It's my fault and I don't know how to fix it" He looked grossed out again but he took a deep breath.

"Ok, how is it your fault?"

"I guess she wanted a different version of me and I scared her away. I tried to apologize. I even wrote her a letter" I confessed and Reece looks like he is holding back laughter. "Yeah, really funny" I said annoyed.

"You wrote her a letter?" He still doesn't laugh but I can tell that he wants to.

"Yeah. Please don't make me feel more stupid than I already do"

"Mia. You know her. Do you think she wants a text or a letter? She is still broken after mom left and then you did the same. Maybe she doesn't have it in her to put real time into forgiving you. Maybe she doesn't want to invest that time just for you to leave" He took his own glass and mine and poured us another. "Did you talk to her?"

"I tried but she didn't open the door"

"So you left?"

"No. I... I talked into her mail slot" That was fucking embarrassing to say out loud. He laughed now, so much that he couldn't hold back a snort. I stared at him. "You're an asshole"

"I'm sorry but the image of you in the hallway on your knees. Mia, you have to admit that that is funny" He was right, it was funny. Had it been anyone but me it would have been hilarious. I shoot him a smile and he knows that everything is ok. "Then what?"

"What do you mean?"

"What was your next move?" I looked at him confused. "Wait... That was the whole thing? When was this?"

"A couple of weeks ago"

"WEEKS? Mia! That is all you did and then you disappeared for weeks?"

"I was giving her space"

"She has severe abandonment issues so you think that space and radio silence for weeks was the way to go?" He tried to not look frustrated but he did. Once again he was right and I was a fucking idiot.

"Reece. She didn't want me"

"Maybe not but you should have tried. I'm not saying that you should have camped out right at her door but you could have put some effort in" He didn't know what I did to her, that I hurt her... He might however still have a point. I could have done more but I shifted my focus to Siobhan so fast that this didn't even cross my mind. Was I, Amelia Mae Roberts, in fact an idiot? Because the proof was pouring in and piling up.

Reece left me that night with a lot more to think about. I didn't need more to think about but I couldn't stop it. It is easy to forget just how much depth humans hold and with my way of thinking this had become a problem it seemed. My conclusion was that I was on deep water and I left my lifejacket at home. Only, that wasn't true. I destroyed my only lifejacket, Roger, and now I was truly alone. He had been a constant and I didn't think about what Siobhan's downfall would do to him or us. Of course he would kill the messenger. I, out of all people, should know this.

I had messed everything up. I grasped for too much. Why couldn't it ever be enough? I wanted to kill, so I found a way to do it, but it wasn't enough. I decided that what I needed was blood but that wasn't exactly as I imagined so I needed more. I made Autumn my target but then killing wasn't enough, I needed love. Then love didn't work out so I decided to plot to get it back and I didn't care who got caught in the crossfire. Now I was alone again and I couldn't do much but let it play out.

I was laying on my back in bed and I was once again spiralling. I turned to my side, maybe if I stopped looking at the ceiling the thought would stop. They didn't. I picked up my phone and I wrote Autumn a text. Just as I was about to send it Reece's voice echoed 'she doesn't want a text or a letter', he was right. I deleted it and wrote another message.

'In another life, I really hope that I fell in love with you. Thank you'

It felt good to be nice. At least it felt good to be nice to Reece.