Mercy

Part 10: Body

A/N: Blood and gore(idk is it is like body horror?), some of you might not love this one and it is totally cool if you want to leave :) Take care of yourselves.

/N

This was not the plan. This was not the plan at all but sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants. I had finally been able to tell someone about my dirty little secrets and I thought that things would be different. In theory she really was perfect so I couldn't understand why I still couldn't feel the kind of release I thought honesty would give me, I hate being wrong. Maybe it was the fact that she was suicidal. There wasn't a hunt and no real challenge. I don't think I will ever admit it but I was a little embarrassed of this whole thing. I hadn't followed my plan and the thoughts of love now made me cringe. For a second I really thought that what I felt for this woman was love, more likely it had been the excitement of a new situation, a situation I actually believe will be totally singular. I had built up this fascination with blood and this fascination with this woman and I guess that excitement in my mind was close enough to what I would call love.

I choked her until she passed out and then I tied her up. Her blood was fucking everywhere but I decided to go back to my plan and put down some plastic and move this to the living room. I had envisioned her standing up, I really should have installed some kind of hanging device but you live you learn. She was laying on the tarp still unconscious. I had done everything I needed. The curtains were drawn and I had arranged the lights to look somewhat normal from the outside but at the same time obstruct the view if someone were to look in the window. No one would, but I was prepared. I was left standing here just looking at her. I moved a chair and watched her. She was unconscious for a while and I got bored and started to clean myself off instead of just staring at her like that on the floor. Once I was done I took a rag and some water into the room and cleaned her up a little as well. It might sound odd but I wanted to really be able to see my work and the dried blood might obstruct the view so to speak.

I was getting antsy and made myself some tea. I went back and she was still not awake. I knew she wasn't dead.

"For god's sake, wake up" I said sternly, when she didn't I went over and poured my tea over her. She woke up screaming. Good. "Hi sleepyhead. Get any rest" I smiled sweetly as she looked confused. It was almost as good as fear, that was a lie but it would have to do.

"I thought..." She looks sad, still not scared though.

"You thought what? That this was going to be some epic love story?" I said mockingly. I know it was cruel but it was fun, and that was kind of the point of all of this. She stays quiet. "I really do appreciate you, don't get me wrong" I picked up the knife. This time it was the correct knife, the one I had researched and actually bought for the occasion. "You actually taught me a lot and you might teach me even more tonight"

I kneel before her, she is starting to struggle, moving her hands as if she is trying to get loose. There is no use, I put both zip ties and duct tape on her wrists as I fasten them behind her back. I can see her start to panic a little, that is fun at least. I smile and take the knife.

She is on her back, it must be uncomfortable with the way her hands are tied but I really do prefer it this way. I wiped her off but she is still covered in dried blood. I take the very tip of the knife and puncture her skin. I start with her leg and I drag it from just above the knee to where a leg would naturally bend. She screams and I can see tears, I am not even going that deep but I guess the nerves are in the outer layers of the skin. Technically the nerves are situated in all three layers of skin so I shouldn't be surprised. I did research on this as well when I started to study for this occasion. I take into consideration the depth of the cuts as to not hit any blood vessels, sure there are some closer to the surface and I want to see her bleed but I don't want her to bleed out just because I was careless and hit her femoral artery. She bleeds and it is beautiful but I feel like the excitement is less than I expected, because blood really lost its novelty so quickly. Maybe blood wasn't my thing after all... But I had prepared for this and I didn't want to waste Charlotte. So... What can you do to the human body that I hadn't? I let the knife travel just a little deeper and at an angle, I then decided to put my finger into the wound, I wanted to know what it felt like. It was actually kind of gross. I don't think this is my thing. I looked at her again, she was white in the face and she was hyperventilating. In all honestness I kind of expected her to pass out from the pain but she had a good tolerance it seems.

I straddle her legs and put my knife to her tummy. I had that thought a while ago, about finding her broken parts but right now I wasn't sure. I guess I should take the opportunity. I pressed down and I started to open up her abdomen. She was screaming like an animal and then she suddenly passed out. There was a lot of blood and I didn't really have anything to force the skin apart so I really didn't see anything. I looked at the opened wound and then at my hand. Should I... I should. I put my hand inside of her body but just like having my fingers under her skin this also just felt gross. I do not like this. I felt a little bad, not for the pain but for how unnecessary it had been. Maybe I could have done something more productive with this time and her body.

I was obviously not meant to be a surgeon. Charlotte was bleeding a lot from multiple wounds and I figured she didn't have much time. I didn't make any effort to save her or to delay her passing, she had been through enough. I looked at her hair and it once again reminded me of my mother. Charlotte taught me that yes, I have some mommy issues and yes, I am somewhat sexually frustrated but she taught me something so much more important. Killing should mean something. The most alive I had felt was when I thought I was falling in love with her. That had been the best part. Maybe what was lacking was not my emotions but the emotional connection. I reasoned that Charlotte, although her charm and open mindedness was in fact a stranger, I was not connected to her. I should build a connection with the next one. There was going to be another one.

I knew that most serial killers take souvenirs. Until this day I never had, that was always how police could prove the connection. It was literally providing physical proof of your crime but as I sat in a pool of her blood and watched her take her last breath I wanted to keep her. I couldn't, of course I couldn't but I really wanted to. Maybe I could take a finger or something. I looked at her hands, she had pretty hands but I thought about how to store a finger and it felt like a lot of work. It didn't take me long to decide on her hair, it was almost too obvious. I took a small piece from the back of her hair where my hands once pulled her close as I kissed her and I went around my house to find some string to tie it together with.

I wrapped her in plastic and started to prepare for the disposal, the only thing was... It is really hard to cut up a body into small pieces and after an hour I was exhausted. I had to come up with a new plan. I really hate having to accept defeat but as I looked at everything around me I realized that it was too much. I took a deep breath. I had to call Roger.