Mercy

Part 15: Cold

I waited and waited, Autumn did not play it desperate. I assumed that she would answer before the next family dinner but she wasn't quick to do it. She surprised me because she didn't answer at all. I showed up earlier than usual, maybe I would be able to spend some time with her that way. The realization hit me, I am the desperate one here.

She wouldn't talk to me before dinner and I was kind of confused. When we were finally seated she still wouldn't look at me and to my surprise she was talking a lot to Siobhan. I didn't know they were friends? It made no sense but I guess they like each other now. I did try to be discreet but it was obvious that Autumn became aware of my glances. Autumn turned to Siobhan and whispered something in her ear, her whole body was turned and I swear to God her hand was on Siobhan's thigh. What the fuck was this? The both kind of snickered together and Autumn turned away. I looked at Reese instead and he had also seen the interaction between the two women. He looked as confused as me and I was grateful that this wasn't a widely spread secret but something new to all parties involved.

Roger was kind of out of it this evening. I think he might have been high on some kind of painkiller because he walked funny and he wouldn't keep eye contact. He slumped down in his chair as we were seated and I wondered why he even wanted us here tonight. He could have cancelled like a normal person but no he wants us here just out of pure principle. Had he not been drunk and/or high I wondered how he would have reacted to Siobhan and Autumn's interaction. Was his daughter fucking his girlfriend? That is kind of messed up. I should not say anything as we at one point were seen as family, but that was a long long time ago and I know we never saw each other as anything but friends.

I followed Autumn to the bathroom as soon as the dinner was over. I know, it was kind of creepy the way I kept following her around but I couldn't stop myself. Why didn't she want me, why didn't she want to be around me? I wasn't sad, I was frustrated. My plan was to come back, make nice, get her in bed and then kill her. She was supposed to be my masterpiece, my magnum opus but she would accept my apology. What was that about? I wouldn't call myself a brat but I hated when things didn't go my way, I hated it. As a child I would throw tantrums but as an adult I would have to keep it inside until I could safely act out, but I wanted to smash things, now. I controlled myself and as Autumn closed the door I finally caught up with her. I put my foot in the door and forced myself inside.

"What do you think you are doing?" Autumn's voice was cold and devoid of emotion.

"Why didn't you answer my text?" I ask, trying to sound more flirtatious than angry.

"Why didn't you answer mine?" Her face didn't change, she really gave nothing away. I can't believe I hadn't seen her potential earlier.

"What is going on with Siobhan?" I asked, well aware that I didn't answer her question.

"I have no idea what you are talking about" I started to get really irritated. I wasn't here to play her game, she was supposed to play mine. I know what my next move was, a push and pull. I stepped into her personal space.

"No? Because it looks like you are getting very... Familiar with that woman. Daddy is going to be angry, Aut" I smile and she pushes me away. Time for the switch. I put a sad look on my face and look down at my hands as I start to play with the ring on my middle finger. "Sorry..." I took a deep breath, this was going to be hit or miss and I knew that. "After the boat and then the bedroom. I just thought that you meant it... I thought you missed me" I stand still and silent still not looking up. It was her move now.

"Amelia" I can hear that something in her demeanour has changed. I'm just not sure what. I look up and I see that her face is softer, still cold but her eyes showed warmth. "If you missed me, why don't you act like it. Why are you so strange?" Strange? I didn't think that was the way I came across, this got me a little off balance. Was I... was I about to lose my footing? I remembered my own advice, the best lie is an almost truth.

"I don't know how" True. "Since I got back, things have been weird" Also true. "Since that first night when I saw you, I've felt weird being around you but I also really want to" All true, I was just omitting my murderous intent. "I don't know why I feel weird, but I do. I know that I am acting strange"

"I think that this might be the most emotion you have ever shown me" She steps close to me and slowly puts her mouth beside my ear. "The thing is... I don't believe you" She took a step towards the door and I took a firm yet gentle hold of her wrist. I turned around and pushed her against the door. She had the same look on her face. Why wasn't she reacting? I put my hand on the back of her neck and I leaned my forehead against hers.

"Tell me what to do. Tell me what to do to make you believe me" I put my other hand on her chest right over her heart.

"Be honest. For once, be honest" Could she really be reading me this well. I mean it wasn't impossible, she knew me in ways no one else did.

"When I sleep I dream of you. This was not the plan and I don't know what I am feeling but I feel you, everywhere. I feel pathetic" She put her hand on my heart mimicking me. But instead of staying like this she firmly pushed me away. I've never felt this much rejection in my life but for her I would walk on my knees.

"That's better" She doesn't smile and I have no idea what just happened but she simply leaves me there. It became very clear to me that Autumn Knight was something special, she was... She was everything; and I wanted everything. All of a sudden life was different, I was different. This wasn't like Deliah or Charlotte, this wasn't like killing, this was something new and I don't want to be too quick to say it but this must be love. There was no other explanation. Now, I just had to make her fall in love with me... I knew that this was going to be a lot of work but once again I came to the conclusion that for her it would be worth it.

When I got back to the table she was already gone. Reece told me that she had offered to drive Siobhan home seeing how Roger was passed out. I felt the burn of jealousy. He could tell that something was off, just like Autumn he knew me too well. He started to walk off but before he left the room he turned around and looked at me.

"I know that there are thousands of places you would rather be than here with us, but I'm glad you're back" All of a sudden he wasn't the man I sat across from at dinner, no, he was the kid at the playground that shared his sandwich with me. I forget sometimes that Reece was the person who got me this life. The only reason why I met Roger and the only reason my whole childhood was not utter shit.

"Not thousands, but maybe a couple of hundreds" I reply and he starts to laugh. Reece was the only one who always laughed at my jokes, sometimes I thought that it might be pity but it still felt better than silence.

"Guess I'll see you around, kid" He leaves me standing alone in the big dining area. It is cold and lonely and it feels like home.