Mercy

Part 20: I Know You

I needed to be around her more so I started to follow her. I know that I had said that I would take the obsession down a notch but I lied, who doesn't lie sometimes to get what they want? My plan was to insert myself into her everyday life. I would become someone she saw regularly and she would come to miss me when I wasn't around. That was the plan at least but sometimes faith works in mysterious ways.

I was in the grocery store when I saw her. This was not a part of my devious plan, this was just my weekly shopping trip to my regular store. She didn't live close by so why was she here? I watched her knock on watermelons and squeeze avocados, she looked so... She looked so normal. I had never imagined her in a grocery store. I don't think you think of people that way. You don't fantasize about the mundane everyday tasks. I wasn't just going to watch her manhandle the produce so I made my way over to her.

"Look at that. Autumn Knight in the produce section, who would have thought"

"Amelia" She nods barely acknowledging me. Ok. I get it. She is not going to make it easy.

"Well... Nice to see you I wont bother you" I start to walk away and I can feel her eyes on me. She might be playing a game but I am as well and I have been playing for way longer than her.

I left her to shop in peace. I was trying to do this the right way but I found it hard to change my way of thinking. I was being pulled apart and maybe it was because I was stuck in my head that I didn't see the car as it started to back out from the parking space. It didn't crush me or anything but I fell hard and with everything going on I did something I don't often do. I snapped.

When you are the kind of person that I am, it is important to keep calm and to be aware of the way you act. You can be cold or mean but you can not be aggressive or violent. Well as my body slammed to the hard concrete of the parking lots I saw red. I had been so good and I had worked so hard to be better or to seem like a better person at least and this asshole can't look in his rear view mirror as he is backing out. The content of my bag was now all over the ground and the thought of crawling around to get it just felt undignified. I brushed myself off and I looked at my hands. They were bloody from the fall, not too bad but raw and scratched up. My clothes were dirty and as I stood there I realized that the driver had not exited the car to check on me. I wanted to kill them. At this very moment I considered dragging them out of the car to get them on the ground and bash their head in against the concrete. Yes it is an overreaction but I think that it was relatable, right?

I walked to the driver's door and tore it open, ready to pull this guy out of his car.

"Are you fucking blind you piece of" I stopped. I don't know how I didn't realize earlier. How did I not recognize the car? It was her, of course it was her. This was not the new, cool and collected version of myself that I wanted to show her so I froze.

"Are you ok?" She didn't make any effort to get out of the car.

"Yeah..."

"Get in the car. I'll get you home and patch you up" This felt strange. Stranger than usual. I had my own car in the parking lot and my food was spread over the ground but I abandoned all of that as I walked around to get into her car.

We drove in silence. I don't think I have ever been this quiet. It was in character for her but I often find myself talkative, people found it charming. Now I was silent. I didn't understand any of this. I didn't understand why she didn't check on me. I didn't understand why she was driving me home. I didn't understand why everything that was happening felt wrong and unnatural.

She drove me to my house. I didn't have to give her my address or direction, she knew the way. Maybe she checked up on me just like I had her? We walked in the house and she went to the bathroom and got my first aid kit. I sat at the kitchen table and she moved her chair to sit down close to me. There was still no small talk. When she opened the first aid kit I realized its content. It wasn't anything bad, I just had a lot of supplies. Like, a lot. When I had decided to kill someone in my home I wanted to be prepared so I bought myself a small pharmacy it seemed. She didn't say anything about it but I think that she looked at the box longer than a person should, but then again, I don't think that there is a set time for how long you look at medical supplies. I couldn't help but to observe her and I know that she noticed. I hadn't been seated like this in my kitchen with another person since Charlotte. My mind flashes and I remember slamming her against the wall right behind Autumn as I kissed her. I remembered how she took off her dress to show me her bruises. I couldn't stop myself from remembering every detail of that night

"Are you ok?" I didn't expect Autumn to be the one to break the silence but it was nice, it was nice that she wanted to check in.

"Yeah... Yeah I am fine Aut" I don't think I was fine. Everything in my mind was scrambling together. I felt Maggie's hand on mine and I couldn't stop myself from picturing Charlotte's face. Autumn looked at me and I looked at her but it was as if I couldn't see her.

"You know, you always take such pride in the way you lie and the way you manipulate. Do you think that people might just not be paying attention?"

"What?" The words didn't make sense, almost as if she said them out of order. She presses down too hard on one of the scratches on my palm. "Fuck!"

"Now I see you" Growing up I don't remember her like this. I didn't remember her being cryptic and insightful. "You only look like yourself when you are in pain. Did you know that?" She looks at me, she expects an answer. I don't give her one. "When you tore open my car door, that was the first time I saw you since you came back"

"I have no idea what you are talking about" She grabbed my hand and pushed her thumb into my palm. It stung and almost burned my raw skin. "What the fuck" I pulled my hand away.

"You look like yourself now" She smiled. "Amelia, you can play Reece and my father, you can play the whole world for all I care, but you can't play me. I know you, remember?" She only knew what I wanted her to know, her insightful act was getting annoying.

"What exactly do you think you know about me?" I snapped, I shouldn't but I did and it was not pretty. She smiled and leaned in to whisper in my ear

"You are not a good person" Her words came out almost musically, like she was singing a nursery rhyme.

"Then you should probably leave" I sounded angry because I was. She hit me with her car and now she was making fun of me.

"But I just found you" She places her hand on my cheek and kisses me. I was mad, annoyed, confused and then her lips met mine and everything melted away.

I let her kiss me. We had done this before but this was different, she kissed me like she cared for me and this is what I had been waiting for. She liked me for me, she wasn't here for the shiny version of me, she was here for the real me. In high sight this might have been a little over the top. She still didn't know all of me but at that moment I felt as if she did. She pulled away.

"Please don't stop" I said. I think she found me earnest and I was, I really wanted her to keep kissing me and she decided that she wanted the same. She moved and sat on my lap as she kissed me. She placed both hands on my cheeks, almost holding my face against hers. My arms wrapped around her. It was sweet and exciting. I wondered if this is what it would have felt like if I had let her fall in love with me when we were teenagers. The way she touched me and the way her body moved to be as close as possible to me was the way I imagine your first love would feel. I felt it. I felt something new and the wait had been worth it. Of course I wanted to pick her up and throw her on my bed or just take her here on the table but I didn't. I stayed in the moment because I didn't know if I would be able to recreate this feeling.