Unbottling

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You know those words people say when they miss you? The sweet ones that make you feel like you matter like you are someone they cannot live without? I used to believe them. Every time they spoke, I thought, this is it. I thought maybe this time, things would be different, maybe this time they would show up when they said they would, and we would actually spend the time together that we both needed.

But lately, those words do not mean what they used to. They do not carry the same weight or the same sincerity. 

It is like they are just words. 

Empty.

 You say you miss me, you say you wish I were by your side, but when it is time to show it, you do not. You leave me behind, always last on your list, always a second choice. And when you do find a spare moment, it is never for us.

Doesn't it sting, though? When someone tells you they care, but their actions tell a different story? You start questioning everything, wondering if maybe you're just not enough. You try to convince yourself that it is okay, that maybe there is a reason, that maybe the timing just is not right. But deep down, you know. You know when someone is not putting in the effort. You know when you're not a priority.

I hate that feeling. The one that creeps in when you're left alone in the dark, the weight of your thoughts and the sting of disappointment. I try to believe the sweet things they say, I try to let their apologies fill the spaces where the hurt sits. But it does not work. It never works. Because with each empty promise, with each tear I cry into my pillow, the pain only grows, and their apologies just seem more like a way to avoid the truth.

How many times can you hear "I'm sorry" before it loses its meaning? 

How many times can you be left in the dark before you start questioning if anyone will ever turn on the light for you?

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