Unbottling

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- Nightmare -

There is a sadness in loving someone, giving them everything you have, and still feeling like they do not notice. I give all my love to you, everything I have got. And yet, you cannot even give me a simple goodnight before I fall asleep. That is all I want. Just a simple sign, just a small acknowledgment, to show that I matter to you. But somehow, that seems too much to ask for.

I keep asking myself, what can I do to make things right? What am I missing? What am I doing wrong? You do not treat me the same anymore. It is like something shifted, and I don't know when it happened. It hurts, deeper than I can even explain. I try to talk about it, try to put it into words, but it never comes out the way I want it to. You ask me why I am upset, and when I finally tell you, it feels like I am just making things worse. You get angry, you make excuses, and suddenly, we are not having a conversation anymore. We are fighting.

I do not want to argue with you. I never did. All I wanted was to share what was in my heart, like you asked me to. But it feels like I am not allowed to express myself without it turning into something ugly. Maybe I am asking too much. Maybe I am just too sensitive. I think about it a lot. Maybe I should just disappear. Maybe that is what you would want, if I was not always around, if I did not always need so much from you.

I start to wonder if this is all just a long nightmare, some bad dream I will wake up from, and everything will go back to how it was. Maybe I will find myself back in your arms, feeling safe and loved. But for now, all I have is this feeling of emptiness, and no matter how much I pour into you, it feels like I am always left with nothing. It is like I am waiting for something that may never come.

Mommanot_