Unbottling

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- I just exist -

Sometimes, I wonder if life is even worth it anymore. It feels like I am just going through the motions, waking up each day and pretending that things matter. But they do not. Nothing feels real, nothing feels like it matters. It is like I am caught in this endless loop where I do all the things I am supposed to do, but none of it brings me joy. None of it makes me feel alive. I can not find a reason to keep going, not a real one, anyway. I just exist. That is it. I am not living, I am barely even here. Just floating through time, numb to everything around me.

Every morning, I wake up with this weight on my chest. It is the same weight that has been there for months, maybe longer. I don't know if I can even call it depression because it doesn't have that sharp, painful sting. It is just this deep, suffocating emptiness. I do not want to get out of bed. I do not want to face another day that feels like it will be exactly the same as the one before. I see people around me chasing their dreams, laughing, enjoying life, and I cannot help but wonder... What is wrong with me? Why can't I feel that? Why can't I feel anything but this heaviness? Maybe I am broken. Maybe I have been broken for so long that I do not even know how to fix myself.

I long for something, anything, to make me feel alive again. I watch others find their passions, their purpose, and I am left here, stuck in a world that does not seem to care about me. I watch them light up with excitement when they talk about their future, while all I can think about is how much I wish I could just disappear into the background. I do not have dreams anymore. I do not have goals. I do not have a reason to wake up in the morning with excitement. I am just here, empty , waiting for something to change. But what if it never does? What if this is it... This is the life I have to live, this meaningless existence, and nothing will ever fill the void inside me?

I wish I could just stop. Stop pretending that everything is okay, stop pretending that I care. I want to scream, to break out of this cage, but I can not. I do not know how. All I know is that every day feels like I am sinking deeper into this abyss.

 And I do not know how to escape. 

Mommanot_