Unbottling

- -

- Loss -

It is terrifying to say this, but I do not know if I love you anymore. Not the way I used to. There. I said it. It is out in the open, and it feels like a weight has just dropped into my chest, suffocating me. How can I even begin to explain this feeling? I used to know you. Really know you. You were the one who made my heart race with just a glance, the one who could make everything else fade away with a single smile. I miss that. I miss you. The person I fell for. And maybe, if I am being honest, I miss the way I felt back then, too. I miss that feeling of being whole, of being loved back with the same intensity. But now... now, all I see is a stranger standing in front of me, someone I do not recognize. And it hurts more than I can say.I gave you so much of myself, more than I probably should have. I poured my heart into you, into us, into this relationship. And for what? What did I get in return? It feels like I have been giving and giving, but it has never been enough. Maybe it has never been enough for you, either. You have changed, and it is like you're a completely different person now. Where did the love go? Where did that connection we once had go? Was it ever real, or was I just holding onto a dream, hoping that the spark would come back? I don't even know if I want it to anymore, because every time I look at you, I feel like I'm staring at someone who isn't you. Someone else. Someone who doesn't care the way I thought you did.

This is not about placing blame. I am not trying to point fingers or make you feel guilty. But there is a hole in me now, a void where our love used to be. And I do not know how to fill it. It is not that I want to hate you. It's just that I'm angry. I'm angry at what we've become, angry that I don't recognize this version of you. I am angry at myself for holding on for so long, hoping that things would go back to how they were. But they will not. And that is the hardest part. I have lost you, and I have lost us. And maybe I am not sure if I can ever get that back.

I am not asking for some grand gesture to fix it all. I am not expecting you to suddenly change and be who you once were. But I am grieving. I am grieving the love that feels like it is slipping through my fingers, the love that I gave so freely but now seems forgotten. And it hurts so much, more than you will ever understand. There is just an emptiness between us now, a space filled with silence and longing for something that can never be. And no matter how much I want to pretend that things are okay, they are not.

 I don't know if they ever will be again.

Mommanot_