- Loop -
Have you ever found yourself stuck in an endless loop, where you give your all, and yet, it feels like the person you are holding onto is slowly slipping away from you, only to come back when it is convenient for them? It is like living in a world where time stretches into this unbearable silence, and you begin to wonder if the quiet will ever end, or if you are just meant to get used to it. Days turn into weeks, and you are left grasping at something that feels so distant, so intangible. You wait for that message, that reassurance, but it only comes when it is their turn to care, when it suits them. And then it is gone again, and you are left with the same emptiness you have learned to live with.
This back and forth is like a cruel game. They drift away, and you start to think that maybe this time, it is for good. Maybe this time, they will not come back. Maybe you are finally free of this heartache. But no, then they return, with a "I missed you," or some other empty phrase that gives you hope, only to watch them slip away again, leaving you hanging in this cycle of confusion. And you start to wonder, "Is this what love is supposed to feel like?" Because honestly, it does not feel like love at all. It feels like a cruel joke. Like you are nothing more than a convenience, someone to care about when it is easy, when they have the time, when they need the comfort, and then forgotten when it does not suit them anymore.
What does it say about you when you keep accepting this kind of treatment? When you keep waiting for something that feels like it will never be consistent, never be real? It makes you question yourself, your worth, and what you really deserve. Am I just here for when they need me? Is that all I am to them? Is this really what it means to be loved? To be wanted only when it is convenient? And it is a heartbreaking realization, to admit that maybe you have been loving someone who does not love you the same way. Someone who can not give you the consistency, the care, the attention you need. It is like being trapped in this cycle, and every time they come back, you think, "Maybe this time will be different. Maybe this time, they really mean it." But it never is. And eventually, you stop hoping. You stop expecting, because deep down, you know it is just going to happen again.
It eats away at you.
And the worst part is, you begin to doubt yourself. You question your worth, and you wonder if you are the problem. Maybe you are too much. Maybe you are not enough. Maybe you are just not worthy of the kind of love that does not come with strings attached, the kind of love that does not vanish when the other person gets distracted. And it hurts, because love should be something that makes you feel whole, not something that constantly leaves you wondering when the next time you'll be left alone again will be. Is this how it is supposed to be? The constant back and forth? The waiting game?
That is not love...And if it is, it is love at its most selfish.
Mommanot_
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Unbottling
PoetryIt's like I've opened a bottle of nonsense, and now everything's spilling out. I don't know how to explain it, how to make sense of it all. Nothing fits, nothing connects. It's just a mess, and I don't know where to start or how to make you understa...