The Fall

Chapter 50

Sage

Don't get me wrong, I've done the walk of shame plenty of times in my life. Usually, with my biggest, fakest smile and a hangover cure in hand, but when I left Kade sleeping and headed downstairs, my heart felt as though I was having a mini heart attack. There were moments in our lovemaking that I felt that twinge of fear with every hard stroke of his cock inside me, every searing kids on my skin. Sure, I wanted Kade. More importantly, I wanted to feel in control of my body again. When I was riding Kaden, something I knew he did to insure that I had control and could stop at any point. I loved that about him, how thoughtless he is, but now that the lust has cleared, I'm desperate to get out of my own body.

So, here I am, scrubbing my sins away in scalding water from the adjoining bathroom shared by Erin and Nessa. "You can do this, Sage. He loves you and would never hurt you. You're safe. You're safe," I chanted over and over again. After my anxiety simmered beneath my skin, I slipped on my underwear and a sweater and shorts I found on my hunt for clothes and supplies. After another pep talk and brushing my towel drying hair with an unused brush, I decided to finally face the firing squad.

"Whoa, she's back from the dead," Mikey teased when I walked into the living room. It was cozy with the fire going and the lights dimmed as the gang watched the news for updates. Rounding the big couch, I sat next to Kyle and propped my feet on the edge of the coffee table, wiggling my toes and flipping Mikey off.

"You know the amount of therapy I'm going to need after tonight is extensive, little sister," He groans and punches my leg. "I had to abandon my s'mores after hearing the things a brother should not hear about his sister." I roll my eyes at him, because there's been plenty of times I'd had to hear of his exploits or even worse see the whores themselves doing their own version of a walk of shame. "With that said, are you okay?" The question floated around the open space and settled in the living room we were all lounging in. For a few seconds time stopped and my heart hammered in my chest. I'm okay, right?

"Why wouldn't I be?" I retorted with a scoff and suddenly my nails became incredibly interesting. Maybe I'll get a manicure before classes start next week. The shuffling of bodies on couches and cups hitting the coffee table only adds to my annoyance of the impending line of questioning as it pertains to my sex life. Did I even have a sex life? I mean Kade and I talked it out, but I still feel a bit unsettled, like I'm moving too fast and trying to figure out if I want to get off the rollercoaster or enjoy the ride of my fucking life.

My lips part just as Kade strides into the living room looking straight out of a porn scene minus the really bad acting. His dark hair is damp and falling into his eyes before he takes it back with his fingers and I curl my toes jealous that it's not my fingers in his silky locks. "Guys, ease up on her please," he said, his voice slightly raspy from sleep and I can't help but smile as his icy gaze lands on me with curiosity and slight annoyance perhaps because he woke up alone. Those few seconds as conversations resume amongst our friends, I inclined my head to him and the tension in his broad should disappears. Kade will always put my well being before his own, even if it pains him and selfishly I love that about him.

"So what's the plan exactly?" Mikey asks with a yawn as he stretches. My brother leans forward to grab his coffee mug with a sigh as I looked on. "While you and Kade were playing naked wrestling, there's been an update and Mom and Dad both suggested we get back to the house before the storm rolls in."

As if we needed any further confirmation, the trees brushed furiously against the living room window and I jumped up. "Okay, so how fast can we pack up and get the bikes rolling?" Erin stands and claps her hands eagerly, "Boys, get the bikes ready and we'll clean up here!"

We split up and I called my parents to let them we'd be heading back to the main house. "So without big brother eavesdropping, how was it with Kade?" Erin asked as we cleaned the kitchen. I nearly dropped the coffee mugs as i.turned towards my best friend of nearly sixteen years and my nee friend Nessa, whose gray eyes regard me with curiosity and concern. With a sigh, I put the dishes in the dishwasher before glancing at the kitchen door the boys exited through. My fingers combing my air drying locks, I bite my lip as I'm reminded of every touch, every kiss and the way Kade allowed me to take control of my body.

"It was... perfect." I whispered, leaning on the counter as the dishwasher vibrated beside me. "I won't lie, I did have a flash of my attack, but Kade was so sweet and patient and he let me decide what I wanted."

Both girls rounded the island and hugged me. "I'm so happy for you, Sage. This is the first step of taking back your feminity," Erin cheered as she squeezed my shoulder and high fives Nessa. I'm surprised Erin's taking a liking to Nessa the ways she has, but Nessa no slouch either. "Did you tell him you were feeling uncomfortable or having flashes from those nights?" Nessa asked, tucking my hair behind my ear.

Rationally, I know Kade would never hurt me, but I can't deny that I felt out of control and I'm thrown back to where it all began with one game I thought I could win, but ended up losing my humanity. "I'll talk to him later, I promise. I have an appointment with Dr. Lo on Monday anyway." Nessa nods, understanding how those sessions with Lo can be as she steps back, resting her once legendary tennis champion hands on my shoulders.

By the time the boys bounded back into the house, we'd cleaned up and dressed into our now dry clothing. "Let's go!" Kyle shouted over the wind, that blew in fresh batches of snow. "I'd like to sleep in my own bed tonight. Mom and Dad are bunking with us in the main house so they're securing the guest house now."

Turns out the guys did a little recon to make sure the paths were remotely passable and managed to clear the path on the main road so we could take it back to the house. I could care less as I climbed on behind Kade, the cold air whipping my face and I buried my face into Kade's leather covered back. My hands rest on his sculpted and, covered by his T-shirt. He taps my hands, and my arms tighten as he guns the engine.

Once the lights of the house peered through the fallen snow, we parked the bikes and the guys secured them while us girls raced into house. "Oh my god! I thought we were gonna fall over after that last turn!" Erin shivered as she peeled of her gear and placed them into a locker in the mudroom. I chuckle, recalling Erin threatening to castrate Mikey if he kills her. The fact that he merely winked at her before speeding over a mini hill with Erin screeching behind him.

"You Mikey likes a bit of danger," I reply, as I too place my own gear in my locker and join her to peel off our soaked boots. "I swear, you've threatened that boy more times that I can count. It's almost like you enjoy it." Her eyes widen as Nessa and I begin laughing maniacally and Erin groans, dropping her head into her hands. "He's like a big that you can't get rid of! Annoying little fucker!"

"But you don't like him like that, do you?" I asked, peering at her through a veil of brown hair. Erin may be a flirtatious demon with the sexual appetite of a teenage boy, but I know her heart belongs to Tanner. Just like my heart belongs to Kaden.

Nessa merely sighs as she pats Erin's head, "Girl, I don't even know Tanner that well, but from the bits I've picked up from the guys conversations, he has it bad for you and you've got it bad for him." After a few seconds, Erin lifts her head to meet our gazes, both of us nodding our heads with warm smiles. Erin hums and points her manicured finger at Nessa with a grin on her face. "That may be true, new friend, but you've got it bad for Kyle, don't you?"

My brow quirks as I cross my legs, watching the emotions flicker across her face, denial, confusion, denial and finally acceptance. With a sigh, she drops beside me and shocks the hell out of me.

"I kissed Kyle and now it's weird."