Where are you going, Gen?"
I sat in front of a mirror, put on my makeup, looked at her from the mirror
and answered:
"I have a date with Tod."
I remembered the name of the guy my mom set me up with on a date.
"You two are close. That's a little fast."
"It's not that difficult because we have the right chemical. Like you and I,
we hadn't seen each other in a long time, but we also grew closer quickly."
I smiled and brushed my cheek for a finishing touch. Now I was ready to
go.
"Are you going to be late tonight? I'll wait for you for dinner."
"It could be late. Don't wait."
"Why are you going to be late?"
"I'm going on a date."
I smiled and walked away. Aoey put on my shirt and was about to say
something, but I interrupted her.
"I'm in a hurry. We'll talk later."
I left her alone in the room and left carrying a feeling of guilt. I had to get
rid of this shitty feeling as soon as I could! I didn't feel good being sensitive
to my close friend. Since the kiss, I planned to keep my distance properly. I
was born a girl and it wouldn't be good if I ended up having a girlfriend. I
thought that feeling between us might come from the intimacy we had. We
were too close and it was too awkward to tell her.
"Aoey, we shouldn't kiss. "I like a penis that you don't have."
I couldn't say something like that, no, never. I had a date with Tod. A boy
my mom introduced me to. I started a chat on a chat app. I flirted with him
and asked him out. At that moment we were sitting across from each other
and I had no idea what to talk about. I wasn't good at dating. Usually men
would make an effort, but this time I initiated it. I had to try to entertain
him.
"I'll invite you this time. Order whatever you want to eat."
Tod smiled looking at me and raised his eyebrows. He wasn't like other men
who looked at me like a dog looking at a plane in the sky.
"That wouldn't be good. I'm a man. I can't let you pay. If your mom finds
out later, I'll be in trouble."
"If mom knew that I asked you out, she would be happy. Please, she orders.
I'm rich.."
"You're so snobbish."
I looked at him angrily. He smiled apologetically.
"And you get angry easily. I guess no one ever tells you this."
"Why are you being unpleasant to me? I'm not here to pick a fight."
"What you said could almost cause a fight. You were probably spoiled by
men. Do you have friends?"
"Yeah.. "
I responded feeling upset. I thought that by being the one who took the first
step I earned the right to talk to me like that.
"How can they be your friends?"
"We don't have to eat if you say something like that."
I pushed those heavy menus to the floor. Tod leaned back, hugged himself,
and shook his head.
"All you have is a beautiful look."
I clenched my teeth tightly thinking about grabbing a huge glass in the
middle of the table and hitting it right on that future doctor's head.
"Let's be honest. I do not like you."
"I don't like you either. You're a big mouth."
I couldn't help it. The future doctor laughed and took a sip of water in front
of him.
"I mean...I can't go out with you. That's what I wanted to say today."
I looked at him, angrier than before. In my life, I had rejected people and
had never been rejected before. But now this doctor was saying that he
didn't want me in his life.
"I don't like you either."
"Then why did you invite me?"
"I just wanted to get to know you more. Maybe I could like you but I
already realized that there is nothing I like about you."
"Is this because I rejected you?"
"You don't deserve to look at me."
Now I was so upset that I felt ashamed. If I had a gun, I would shoot him.
"How did your parents raise you? You've never known disappointment
before. It is both good and bad."
"Now you're criticizing my parents."
I got up frustrated.
"You are the biggest idiot I have ever met in my life."
"Before you get angry, can you first listen to why I reject you?"
"No."
"I'm dating someone and it's a boy..."
"I said n...what!..."
I sat up immediately surprised. Tod took a sip of water and clasped his
hands on the table talking again.
"You heard well. I reject you because I have a boyfriend. I don't want you
to feel anything for me."
"I don't have any feelings for you."
"I knew you didn't feel anything since we met on the first day. I'm surprised
you asked me out today."
"You could have said no,"
I sighed and felt lighter. Now I was embarrassed that I had flirted with him
so much in the chat. His handsome face put her palms together and placed it
on the table.
"I'm here to ask you for help."
"Help, do you want to ask a girl you just criticized?"
"Well, you're not well trained..."
I looked at him, because he kept criticizing me, but I didn't hate him. Maybe
what he said was true or he had what it took to say it.
"You want my help but you keep criticizing me. Should I help you?"
"You are a spoiled girl but criticizing yourself made you see the truth and
listen to me more."
I rolled my eyes and looked out the window. But I saw someone standing
there looking inside. I had to pretend I didn't see her and looked away. Of
course I saw it. She stayed there. My heart shook. Why was she here? Did
she follow me? My heart squeezed uncomfortably at those eyes. I couldn't
breathe. I had to look at Tod now and beg for help because of the look in
my eyes.
"Are you OK? You do not look well.."
"I haven't been feeling well lately. How can I help you?"
I wanted to leave the restaurant even though we had just arrived and didn't
order anything. The future doctor raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"It could be a strange request."
"Tell me, I'll help you if I can."
"I want you to pretend to be my girlfriend."
"Oh?"
"I want to deceive my family. I'm bored of the blind dates they organize.
You're not seeing anyone now, are you?"
He looked for confirmation. I looked out the window from the corner of my
eye and nodded.
"No, I do not do it."
"Then pretendto be my girlfriend. If you know someone, then we can
separate."
I paused and processed in my head... What was I getting out of this
situation? My heart skipped a beat when I saw her out of the corner of my
eye.
"I have a condition."
I looked at him firmly.
"Tell me."
"You'll pretend to be my boyfriend in front of someone too."
He laughed amused.
"Deal."
"Deal."
I didn't know how I ended up there. The man I wanted to date to get rid of
that strange feeling with a woman turned out to be gay. He also asked me to
pretend to be his girlfriend. He asked me if there was no one in this normal
world. I met a perfect boy and he liked boys. I am a perfect woman and I
liked a woman too. She was my only and close friend! After a while, I tried
to look out the window. I didn't see her standing in the same place. I thought
about letting her go, but my heart was trembling now.
"You are just beautiful but you have such a bad character. Don't move your
legs like that."
Tod smiled and looked at me. His big sarcastic mouth couldn't stop moving.
I wanted to poke him in the eye with a fork in my hand, he seemed calmer
when he said those things. The handsome boy asked me frankly.
"What do you have in mind?"
"Nothing, I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be back in a moment.."
I finally got up and looked for Aoey immediately. I ignored her when I saw
her standing there but now that she was gone I was looking for her. I
gripped the phone in my hand tightly. Should I call her? Would it be okay if
she realized I saw her there? My head was spinning as my finger dialed her
number. I was confused. Then I saw Aoey in a t-shirt, jeans, and her old
canvas shoes in a small alley next to the restaurant towards the bathroom.
She picked up the phone with her voice shaking. I hid to see how she
reacted when she spoke to me.
[Hello Gen.]
"Where are you, Aoey?"
[I'm at home.]
She was referring to our condo. I sighed when she lied. Why did she do
that? She shouldn't have shown how she felt about me. We were just
friends!
"I'm in a shopping center now. You want something to eat?"
[No, don't worry. I'll get something myself.]
The soft eyes were silent and then asked.
[How are you, Gen? How's your date?]
"Alright. He's a good guy, unlike any other guy.."
I had a big mouth and liked men. I didn't lie to her. He really was different
from other boys. Now there was a long pause between us. I felt pain in my
heart for saying something like that, but I wanted to cut off whatever went
wrong between us. It would be better in the long run. I didn't want our
relationship to be worse.
[Aoey, now I have a boyfriend. I want you to meet him because we are
close friends.]
I squeezed the phone in my hand so hard I shuddered. The other end of the
line was so quiet until she finally said something.
[That was fast.]
She responded in a calm and controlled voice.
"Even if I have a boyfriend now. You are still my best friend."
[AHA.]
"If you feel lonely, you can go out with someone. I can introduce you to a
good boy."
[I have to go.]
She hung up the phone immediately as if she had enough. I dropped both
arms as if I had no strength. But I told myself that might be good. We were
both women. We shouldn't like each other, especially since she's my best she was my best friend it wasn't natural
