Aoey looked at me surprised by my confession. She looked up from my
hands and into my eyes as if she was trying to hypnotize me. I almost
stopped breathing. Her beautiful eyes were filled with tears. I reached out to
wipe them away in surprise.
"What happened, Aoey?"
"Really?"
"Do I look like a liar?"
It bothered me a little that she didn't believe me.
"No, not like that. I never expected you to say this... first love? And now?"
Aoey looked so confused. I sighed with a smile and shook my head.
"Of course, you are still my first love. If I don't count my art teacher who
looked like a pug. But now I know that wasn't love. I just loved the dog, but
my mom wouldn't let me have it."
I thought about that with disappointment. My mom was so bad.
"My heart is about to burst."
Aoey didn't listen when I complained about the dog. She touched her own
chest in the heart area. She looked like she had had a heart attack. Is he that
crazy? I laughed and took the laptop off my leg, sitting on the floor with
Aoey.
"I thought you knew how I felt for a while. Why are you still excited about
this? You're overreacting?"
"You're not the kind of person who would say something like that. You
moved me. I thought you were so blind."
"Yes, that was me."
I reached out and gently caressed her back. I laughed at her reaction. She
must have been really surprised.
"I guess I don't need to clean my nails today. I'll be busy telling you to stop
crying."
"You don't have to clean them."
"OH."
I shrugged, but I thought Aoey had different ideas about it. The soft eyes
now pushed me to the bathroom floor and kissed me aggressively. I raised
an eyebrow in surprise but let her do whatever she wanted. After kissing
me, she went down to my neck. Both hands tried to get into my shirt. I
grabbed her hands by surprise to stop her.
"What are you doing?"
"I wanted to do it. I don't have nails."
" What!?"
"I want to do it."
I sat up surprised. Aoey stood up confused. She didn't understand what
happened.
"Are you going to do that to me too?".
"Yeah."
"You will do it to me."
My direct statement made it awkward between us. We had done something
before but it was still very new to say it out loud.
"We take turns doing it."
"I don't think so."
I was so nervous about the idea. Aoey tensed up immediately.
"Do you mind if I do that to you?"
"No, I don't know, but..."
I swallowed a lump in my throat. I didn't know what to say, but I didn't
think we were that close yet.
"Why don't you let me do it?"
"I want to do it to you."
"I want to do it too."
We look into each other's eyes without wanting to back away. I was so
confused. Were other people fighting over something like that?
"What happens if I don't let you."
"I won't take no for an answer."
How come it was a serious fight now? Aoey, who usually did what I said,
stood by her response. For me, doing it to her was more of a bonus. I was
the one in control, not a follower.
I would never let anyone control me, especially in that matter.
"That's a shame because I won't let you do it,"
I said firmly. I couldn't believe she was full of determination.
"If you love me, you will do what I told you."
"But you just said you love me, so why don't you do what I told you?"
I closed my eyes patiently and waved my hands to reject her reaction.
"We finished talking today because we cannot find a solution."
I got up and walked towards the bed. I lay on my back and turned my back
to her. Aoey got up and did the same. Did other couples argue like this too?
The atmosphere was very tense all night. I couldn't sleep and I had no idea
if Aoey was sleeping or not. We both woke up at 6 o'clock when the alarm
went off. We showered, got dressed and left for college. I actually had a
class in the afternoon but I just needed to get out of the house because I had
no idea how to handle that situation, the give or take situation. She had no
friends to talk to about it. I could only ask one person. Why did it have to be
this guy?
"What a surprise! You are here in my college."
Tod, who was at the same university as me, sat down to chat with me. He
could already tell that I had a bad vibe.
"What made you so cranky?"
Vulva blue it was... but I didn't say it. I shifted nervously. I didn't know how
to start the topic. I started chatting about this and that.
"Are there any real men in this faculty?"
The question that made me nervous made Tod look at me and shake his
head in boredom.
"Not all doctors are homosexual."
"Well, many bisexual novels are like that. Even you are gay,"
I looked at him and tried to move on to the topic.
"Are you a receiver or a giver?"
"No! We are not talking about this."
"Yes, we are!"
I complained out loud. In fact, I had gone there to talk about this topic, but I
couldn't ask him directly. The handsome man looked at me and was
confused. He tried to understand what I was thinking.
"What's wrong with you, little devil? Are you here to ask me if I'm a giver
or a taker?"
"I wanted to know. I don't need to know about you. I just wanted to know
about this...bisexual people like you,"
I said awkwardly and realized my face was red.
"Can you be a receiver if you are a giver?"
Tod looked at me skeptically. I thought I saw a small smile at the corner of
his mouth, so I didn't want to look at him.
"As far as I know, people are different. Some are born givers. Some are
born as recipients. Some may change."
"Why is it so confusing?"
"It's an individual thing."
"I wanted to know... if you are receiving... I'm curious..."
I turned the subject around nervously..I felt so nervous and about to faint
when I had to say something like that.
"Does it mean that the giver has power over you?"
"No one thinks about things like that. And you?"
"Well..".
"Because? You like women?"
It felt like he knocked me out with a baseball bat with that question. The
handsome boy looked at me smiling. He always knew what I was thinking.
"Is it Aoey?"
"Tod... Please, pretend you don't know... pretend we just chatted about this
topic."
I rubbed my face with both of my hands. My face felt burning. The future
doctor in front of me laughed so happy to see me speechless.
"You have to let it go naturally. You is not heterosexual. Ummm...I don't
know much about that either. But I think you and Aoey..."
"You two should take turns."
"Bye bye!"
I quickly walked away because I couldn't stand talking to him anymore. It
was a wrong decision to ask that future doctor. I only told him my private
story so he would laugh at me. My God! How did I end up so tense about
that topic? It was stupid. I had just had a love confession and a sexual
experience, but somehow I didn't want to see the sweet eyes. Because of the
issue that had not been resolved. It wasn't a fight... But we didn't end it
peacefully. But I couldn't escape forever. I had to go back to the condo to
face the truth. Aoey looked at me when I got home. I opened the handcuffs
in the morning. We still haven't talked about last night. There was
something hanging in the air between us. Something uncomfortable.
"Are you at home?"
"Yeah."
That was not a normal question. She never received me with that reaction. I
was at home obviously. Something was so uncomfortable.
"'ll go to the shower. I'm so dirty."
I felt lost and needed an escape. I spent a good 30 minutes showering and
came out in a t-shirt and shorts. Aoey was now watching TV while she took
a sip of soda. She gave her full attention to the television. That was good. I
didn't have to avoid her too much.
"You don't want me to do it to you because you don't want to feel like
you're losing your power, right?"
That direct question was so unexpected. The smaller girl asked with
seriousness in her voice. What the hell was this? How come she was so
brave to talk about it more than me?
"Mmmm...yes, I want to be in control,"
I said and looked into her eyes.
"I like to be in control. That's me."
"Even in that?"
"I like to hear you moan."
Now we both turned red talking about it. Let's do it if I want to talk openly.
"It excites me even more."
The soft eyes looked at each other in surprise. A glass of water in her hand
fell to the ground. I had to yell at her.
"The water, Aoey! Water!"
"ahhh... ok... Can you please dry it with a towel?"
"OK."
Aoey sat on the bed while I grabbed a piece of towel from the kitchen, sat
on the floor and dried it. Usually I didn't do this, but now it was so awkward
that I preferred to keep me busy with something... But.... The unexpected
happened when the soft eyes lifted one of her legs and put it on my
shoulder. She wrapped her legs around my neck and pinned me there. I
looked at her with confusion. Soft eyes looked up at me and she pushed
herself up with an elbow on the bed, leaning back
seductively.
"Ok, I'll let you be a giver."
"If you like being in control so much, I'll let you."
It was really unexpected. I never thought I'd see eye candy do something
like that. My heart was beating faster and now I was distracted. I stopped
drying the floor and approached her. I crawled over her body and sat on top
of her.
"Where did you learn to do this seductive movement? What made you give
up anyway?"
"Because I love you. I thought you might be happier if I do what you told
me."
Her soft eyes grabbed my neck and pulled me towards her. Those seductive
eyes led me to a deep desire.
"Let's see how far you can control me."
"Nothing I can't do, including this."
"That's good..."
Aoey said with a playful tone.
"Eat me then."
I leaned towards her and smiled.
"Don't beg me to stop then."
I didn't know how long I slept, but I knew it wasn't morning because the sky
outside was pitchblack and I still felt groggy. But what surprised me was
that someone was up and looking at me adoringly. Even though we slept in
the dark, I still felt and saw those eyes quite clearly. My eyes were already
adjusted in the darkness. I could see her eyes clearly.
"Are you awake?"
"I can't sleep."
"Because?"
"I felt like my heart was going to explode."
I tried to force myself to sit up, but gentle eyes pushed me down, gently
gesturing for me to continue sleeping.
"Go back to bed. I just wanted to see you while you sleep."
"It's too late."
I rolled onto my side to look at the clock on the wall.
"Do you have a class tomorrow?"
"Yes, but I couldn't close my eyes even if I wanted to."
I sat down despite her protest. The blanket that had previously covered her
now fell away, showing her bare chest. I could still see them clearly even
though we were in the dark. It was a little awkward, but I had to act calm.
We just finished our mission... It may be normal that I am still alert and full
of adrenaline. But how come I was so tired? Was it just me who was
judged? Or was I too old? But we were the same age.
"I'll stay up with you then."
"You care so much about me. Is it because you are my owner now?"
I was surprised by that strange question. Aoey was a very simple person.
Since she tried to seduce me...and now we did it.
"Let's see how far you can last."
I still remember what she said before.
"I'm worried you can't sleep. Maybe you haven't tried hard enough."
"Oh?"
"I'll help you sleep better."
I leaned down and kissed her bare shoulder. Aoey raised an eyebrow and
smiled.
"I'm curious how you're going to do that?"
"I'll do the same to you. But if you still can't sleep, I'll keep doing it."
It seemed to work. Aoey slept until morning after I relaxed her a little
more... being naughty with her. I felt proud to have done everything so
perfectly. I couldn't stand doing things halfway. It had to be the best.
Whatever I did, It had to be the best. Otherwise; I wouldn't even have to
start... This too.. I studied, or I would call it obsessively studied, how to
give and how to take. I watched lesbian porn, read a bisexual novel and did
a lot of research and it was worth it. I did it well. I woke up that morning
happy and did my routines. I even made a toast to Aoey. I never did that for
anyone. Aoey woke up after she grabbed a big t-shirt and put it on. That
was the only thing she was wearing. We both look at each other and smile.
Should we be more shy?
"You get up so early, Gen."
"Yes, I was wondering that too."
"You are in a good mood?"
"Yes..."
I shrugged.
*I guess."
"Why are you in a good mood?"
"It could be for giving you a good night's sleep, I guess,"
I said proudly and put food on a plate and gave it to Aoey.
"Here is your breakfast. This is all I can do."
"You ate me and now you are also showing responsibility. I should flirt with
you first. I shouldn't have waited so long."
The soft eyes bit into the food and smiled sweetly at me. My heart was
beating loudly like a drum. I've never felt this way about anyone before...
ever. That girl was the first girl who had such an effect on me.
"Kitty."
"Oh."
I called Aoey and smiled. One word that could describe how I felt about her
was Kitty. Kitty was so adorable, mysterious, seductive and stubborn.
"Don't know. I think it's kind of cute."
"Monkey."
Aoey told me again. I was surprised that she called me that. I gave her such
a cute name but mine was monkey, really?
"How come I'm a monkey?"
"I like a monkey with red cheeks. I wanted to call you as master and you
were as naughty last night as a monkey."
"That doesn't sound great at all."
"Little monkey."
The soft eyes had fun calling me by that name despite my protest.
"Are you angry with me?"
"This thing won't make me angry."
"You really change. Before, you wouldn't tolerate this word... it's so nice.
You are my Gen. My little monkey."
That morning the world was so rosy in my eyes. I looked at her, who was
now chewing a piece of toast with deep feeling. I bit my lip trying to stop
myself from hugging her. I was so madly in love. I better look the other
way.
"How was it last night?"
"What do you mean?"
"How much score would I get?"
I smiled in the corner with pride. I did the best I could at everything,
including sex. I was proud and ready to take full scores like the entrance
exam I took or a piano competition in many settings.
"6."
"What?"
I looked at her in surprise and blinked in disbelief.
"What is the total score? 6?"
"10 of course."
"Why did I only get 6?"
I looked at her in disbelief. I really thought I did a very good job. She
looked at me innocently and bit into the rest of her toast, brushing some
bread crumbs from her hands.
"I just gave you a score as you requested."
"You should get a full score. Did I do something wrong? Did you not
come?"
I felt like I was hit on the head with a club. My confidence was gone. I did
everything right... I cut my nails.
"Of course I came."
The little girl walked to the refrigerator and casually poured herself a glass
of water. She annoyed me even more.
"If you finished, why did I get 6?"
"My instinct tells me that you are 6."
"Where are the other 4?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Of course It does."
I was a perfectionist. I should have her best sex because I gave it to her.
Why did I only get 6?! Or did she just say she came and didn't?
"Are you okay, Gen?"
The soft eyes walked towards me and looked at me sweetly.
"If you want I'll give you a 10 out of 10."
I looked away. My confidence had been shaken. She must be so
disappointed in me. She should expect more from me.
"Don't try to be nice now."
"Did you do your best?"
The soft eyes looked at me gently trying to comfort me. I sat up straight and
pretended I hadn't tried my best.
"You can try again."
I grabbed her shirt and pulled it off her head. She looked at me with surprise but she did protest
"Let's see if I can do better"
