Everything was ready. The only thing I had to do was say goodbye to Aoey.
I barely had things to pack. It was just me and the clothes I was wearing.
Tod said that my mom had someone waiting for me at the border and that
she would guide me across the border to the neighboring country, and that
from there they could easily take me to Macau. I just had to get out of here.
We plan to leave at 1 am. I didn't know how much time I needed to say
goodbye. I would like to make the most of the little time we had. It was so
bad to leave her like this...
"Hey."
I visited Aoey at the construction site. She seemed surprised to see me
there. I just smiled and called her.
"We're going home."
"But I'm still working."
"Skip work. You do not have to do it.."
"But I already work half a day, it's possible they won't fire me if I stop now.
The contractor will scold me."
"No, he will not. I already spoke with him."
The contractor was confused but received 1000 baht from me. He let Aoey
leave easily without asking anything. He received more money than he had
to pay for the worker. The sweet-eyed girl was very confused that she could
leave early. She walked out awkwardly.
"How do you know I work here?"
"I've known it for a while. I saw you work here. I was waiting for you to tell
me,"
I gave her a complaining look.
"You lied to me about selling things at the market."
"I'm sorry... I couldn't tell you that I worked here. I don't want you to worry
because it would bother you if you work here,"
She said guiltily and hugged my arm.
"Are you angry with me?"
"Yes, I was but not anymore. I don't want to waste time getting angry."
"Why are you so nice today? Why are you picking me up? Everything is
alright?"
"I miss you. Since we've lived here, we've never spent time together on a
date. Let's do it today..I'm so bored. I could run away if I'm so bored."
"Don't say that... again."
"Let's go on a date then."
"Ok."
We spent the entire day exploring the market. It wasn't a large area, but
walking around could be very hot and there was nothing to buy. Mostly we
bought food and enjoyed the greenery of the trees. This city was suitable for
walking or cycling. There were some motorcycles but I thought they were a
bit noisy. I didn't want to take Aoey to Rak's coffee shop because I wasn't
sure if Tod would be able to hang out there. But we didn't have to go there.
We just walked and the next thing we knew it was 6 o'clock. Time passed so
quickly...
"I always wanted to go on a date with you when we were in Bangkok. We
finally did it today. I'm so happy."
The youngest girl walked happily until she stopped in front of our wooden
fence at home.
"What happens after a date."
"We finished it in bed."
Aoey gave me a big smile. I laughed and put my hand around her shoulder
and walked her into the house.
"Why waste time? Let's play on our rusty bed that will make a squeaky
sound, just the way you like it."
"Arrrg! You are naughty today. Can I moan loudly today?"
"Anything you want but don't make the bird listen to us. He's a nasty little
bird."
"Let's be loud. Both."
"Naughty."
We both went in and cleaned ourselves. We actually ended up in bed like
we had planned. I started it and she didn't protest. Today she looked very
happy. No matter what I did, she seemed to continue doing just fine.
"You're so pretty today."
"Yes, I'm pretty."
"I love you every day. I love you more than anyone in the world."
We both snuggled in bed with a variety of rhythms. Sometimes we were
nice. Sometimes we were fierce. We start at 8 pm and continue for 3 hours.
I didn't let Aoey have any rest. I had to seize the moment. There was no
time left... The rhythmic squeaking sound of the bed followed our
movement. We took turns making happy sounds as if it were just the two of
us in the world. The gentle eyes under my body looked up obsessively like
when we met in elementary school and the first day we met for the second
time. Both of her arms wrapped around my neck and we both whispered
words of smor into each other's ears. I was almost on the verge of crying.
"I love you Gen."
"I love you too Aoey."
"My Gen."
"My Aoey."
All the time we spent together, I might have seemed happy, but the girl
beneath my body had no idea that I had a huge lump in my throat. The
farewell seemed so terrifying. I couldn't imagine saying goodbye to her.
Would I be able to leave jer? I kept wondering...
"Again."
I begged. Aoey, who was drenched in sweat, looked at me and laughed.
"What happened to you today?"
"Can I have it again?"
"I think you should eat something special today. Tell me what you ate today.
I will prepare it for you every day."
We continued making love over and over and over again like never before
and I felt so full.
"Again."
"Again."
"I want it again."
Our last time ended because Aoey was too tired to continue. She raised her
arm as if she was surrendering like never before..
"I can't Gen. I'm so tired."
"You give up so easily."
"You are so good today. My baby, you got 10 out of 10."
But I couldn't stop and I kept kissing her all the time. I wanted to preserve
every moment, every smell, every feeling because I couldn't have it again.
"Okay, I won't do it again but you have to kiss me."
I was ready to cry... Luckily all the lights were off now. The room was
dark. There were some lights shining from the sky, but it was still too dark
to see that I was crying. Aoey kissed me easily. I wanted to ask for it again
but I thought Aoey was about to sleep.
"You will sleep now?"
"Ummm..."
It looked like she had fainted. I looked at the girl below me and let the tears
roll down my cheeks. I picked up Aoey's pajamas that were now scattered
on the floor and put them back on her. I didn't want Teacher Salee to see her
daughter in an awkward situation. Yes... I called Teacher Salee to go here.
Then she could be with Aoey when I left. I made an effort to finally put on
her clothes. I grabbed the handcuffs she brought from Bangkok and locked
her wrist with the rusty bed. After her I dressed and left my letter on a
pillow next to her. She could read it when she woke up. The letter... It was
the hardest thing I had ever done.
To Aoey...
If you read this letter, you will understand why I have to go and leave you
behind. I thought that only Love would guide us through all the difficulties,
but it was not like that at all. I hate being poor. Since I was born, I have
never lived badly. When my family was in Korat, my house at least was
made of cement with many facilities in it. But living here with you is not
the same. It is not comfortable. I don't like the wooden house that makes a
squeaky noise when I walk. I feel hot during the day... There's nothing good
about it. I can't stand it....
These difficulties made me realize that I love myself more. Living a poor
life makes me hate everything here. I hate the stupid smiles of provincial
people. I hate the smell of the tree. I hate the market that can't provide me
with the things I like. But most of all, I hate the fact that I don't have
money. Although you said you could support me, people like me can't live
in the hinterland on only 200 baht a day. I can't live with the environment as
I will never be happy around it.
No air conditioning.
Not smart TV.
Without water heater.
Even the bed is rusty.
I love you Aoey but I realized now that being poor was eating me alive. I
felt empty inside and reconsidered why I didn't run away with my family.
The answer is you.. I have to live like this because of you. I will be better
and happier without you. I have to leave you behind. Please understand
me... I wanted you to understand that it is natural for men and women to be
together. It is impossible for two women to be together until the end. One
day you will meet a man who wants to marry you and have children with
you. I, Gen, will have to find a way to be judged by society. If he exists
somewhere, I never thought I would see them.
I don't want to prove that our relationship will last forever. I'm not a guinea
pig. If it helps make your life easier, you can hate me. Because it seems like
I started hating you too. Because you make me be in this situation. I leave. I
hope I never see you again.
Genlong,
When I finished reading that, I would hate myself. She would never forgive
me. She would forget that she ever loved me. I looked at the little girl
sleeping in the bed and tiptoed out of the room to go down the stairs.
Teacher Salee was waiting and she smiled at me.
"How is she?"
"She's sleeping now."
I couldn't tell her why she slept so easily.
"Teacher, please take good care of her. She will be sad when she wakes up.
She may not be able to handle it..."
"If I can. She's my daughter."
I felt sorry for Teacher Salee now. She would have to handle her daughter's
broken heart after finding out I was leaving. I was.. Aoey hated her too.
What she knows she reaps. That was what Teacher Salee had to give back to
Aoey, although she didn't mean it. Karma... everyone has to pay for their
own karma, even me.. I took her husband away from her. It was time for my
loved one to be taken away from me aswell. It was fair but Aoey didn't do
anything wrong here. Why did she have to go through this? She was always
a victim.
"Before I go, I'll leave you this. You'll need this,"
I handed him a key for the handcuffs. Teacher Salee looked puzzled.
"What is this key for?"
"You'll know when you get up. You will need this. And here it is for Aoey.
She will need this. I want her to go back to school."
I took out my watch, a gift that came from my father when I passed an
entrance exam, and handed it to the old woman in front of me.
"I don't know if this.watch can generate any profit, but it is an expensive
watch. It should be enough for her tuition."
"Don't do this, Gen. I can take care of her."
"Please take this. Think of it as a gift that compensates Aoey for bringing
her here. She should be in school...or at least keep it for her treatment. You
need a psychologist."
I explained to Teacher Salee earlier about Aoey's illness. She reached out
her hand to take the watch.
"You're so good to Aoey."
Teacher Salee didn't know about our relationship. She looked at me
gratefully and nodded.
"Why do you have to go? It was your father who was doing the money
laundering business. He shouldn't have anything to do with you."
This was another thing she didn't know.
"Master, I have something to tell you and it is up to you whether you
forgive me or not."
"What's that?"
"I'm the one who asked my father to kill your husband."
Teacher Salee seemed surprised once I made my confession. She paused
before raising her hand and slapping me hard across the face. I lost my
balance. I was numb and in pain, but I couldn't compare to what she had to
go through. After slapping me, she clenched her fist tightly. Tears rolled
down her cheeks and hit me again. She ran to hug me right after that.
"Thank you, Gen... Thank you for killing that monster for me."
That was the feeling of the confession. When I received forgiveness, I felt
light. I smiled at her and cried with her.
"Please don't tell Aoey about this. I want you to forget about that man, as if
he never happened to you."
"I'll forget about him too."
Teacher Salee and I looked at each other in silence. We understood each
other. If we were in a normal situation, this would be a moment of struggle
between us. But now we were at the farewell. We did not have time. We
would remember only the good.
"Please take good care of Aoey."
"Gen."
Our conversation was cut off when Aoey's voice called my name from
above. The little girl woke up and didn't see me lying next to her. She must
have been surprised that she was handcuffed on the bed. She had to get out
of there now.
"I have to go now. I'm afraid that if I see her, I won't be able to leave."
"Good luck, Gen."
I left the house but Aoey was still screaming my name. Her voice chased
me. I could barely lift my leg to leave the house. Tod, who waited in front
of the house for a while, nodded towards me. He indicated to me that
everything was ready and that we were ready to leave.
"Come on."
"As I said before. If I ask you to stop the car, don't do it... no matter what I
say, don't stop the car."
"OK."
"Gene!"
Aoey screamed from inside the house and was now walking down the stairs
with her wrists bleeding. I looked at her bloody wrist in surprise. I wanted
to run towards her. The handsome man grabbed me and threw me into the
car before rushing into the driver's seat.
"Don't go Gen!"
The smaller girl ran after the car that was now driving away. Aoey ran to the
window and hit it like crazy and cried.
"Gen, get out of the car. Where are you going? You said you wouldn't leave
me."
I covered my ears with my hands. I didn't want to hear it. I looked down at
the ground, so I didn't have to look at her. Soft eyes hit the window with the
handcuffs tied to her wrist. Blood was everywhere.
"Get out of the car, Gen. Don't leave me. I can't live without you, Gen!!"
Tod sped up until she couldn't catch up. I looked up and checked the side
mirror to see that the little girl had fallen to the ground but she was still
crying, screaming for my name. Once again, she got up and ran after the
car.
"I love you Gene! Do not leave Me. Please."
That was it. I couldn't stand this. I didn't want to leave anymore.
"Stop the car... Tod, stop the car now!"
I tried to open the door but the driver was determined to get me out of there.
He continued to speed away. Aoey began to disappear from the mirror.
"I said stop the car."
I tried to grab the steering wheel, but Tod pushed me.
"Stop the car. Please... Everything... please."
I hit him, I insulted him. I completely forgot how well I was raised. I was
rude, sexist. I did everything I could think of to get him to stop the car.
"I told you to stop the car. Fagot. Stop the damn car! Piece of shit,"
I hit him as hard as I could.
"Please let me go see her."
He wasn't going to let that happen. I looked at the blood stain on the
window with pain. I could only knock on the door.
"Not if you get out of the car now. You will lose your chance to leave the
country. I do this for you."
"But Aoey fell to the ground. Didn't you see that?"
I lamented.
"She can't live like this. Please Help. I'm about to die. Please help."
"You two will make it through this."
"How can I live?... how can I live like this?"
I touched my heart that felt like it was in pieces.
"If it hurts me so much, how much will it hurt Aoey. Todd, please help me."
I saw that his eyes were also filled with tears. He felt sorry for me, but he
had to do it. That was the best solution for all of us. He was doing his job,
he took me to the border where my mom had everything arranged. That was
the last time I saw Aoey before leaving the country as planned
