I lost to her once again. I told John to come back first. I knew that going to
her wedding was the most painful thing I had to do. But I would do it if she
wanted me to. If I could really help... We barely spoke since that day. It
was impossible to contact her because she did not have a cellphone. I heard
that the bride and groom went to a rehearsal, test and other preparation
things. I was wondering if Aoey had bridesmaids like other people. I knew
that she was really alone in Bangkok or maybe she could call her friends
from inside her for the wedding. Today I was free, so I went out to the mall
to buy an outfit to wear to the wedding. I went to the brand stores for a
pretty enough dress. It had been a long time since I had bought an
expensive dress. I felt a little guilty for spending so much money on a dress.
Now I realized how difficult it was to make money, so I didn't want to waste
it. While walking shopping at the mall, I saw someone familiar in the corner
of my eye...
"Cherry."
A little mixed Thai-British girl was choosing a bracelet. She looked up, I
called her and she immediately got nervous when she saw me.
"If you're here, that means Great is also here in Thailand... where is he?"
If my brother's girlfriend was there, my brother had to be nearby....I heard
the sound of someone behind me. I quickly turned around to find Great
looking at me as if he had seen a ghost. He tried to run out of the store, but I
quickly grabbed his ears.
"Oh! Gen. It hurts."
"Why are you here and not in Macau?"
"You are here too, why can't I be here? I'm not the one with a warrant or
appearing on CCTV video... Oh, it hurts! Let me go!"
My little brother slowly removed my hand from his ears.
"I'm a big guy now. Have a little respect."
"How is that you are here? Why do you have to act so secretly?"
"Because you react like that."
"What are you doing here in Thailand?"
"Because? Can't I have something to deal with?"
He let his shoulder fall down.
"I'm here for a friend's wedding."
"A wedding?"
I looked at Great as if I wanted to fight him, but he didn't seem afraid of me.
"Is it so important to you that you have to fly here without telling mom and
dad?"
"We all have other loved ones. And you? What are you doing in Thailand?"
"A friend's wedding."
"Is it so important to you that you have to fly here?"
"You're mocking me?"
"Yes, that's how you are. Other people can't do it, but you can."
"Whose wedding?"
"A friend."
"What friend?"
"Koh
"What Koh
"You see! You don't know him. Why are you being so nosy? I didn't even
ask whose wedding you're here for."
I smiled and ignored him. He gave me a smile.
"What are you doing at the mall?"
"Buy a new dress."
"Are you buying expensive clothes? Isn't it good to be the same old
Genlong?"
"Be quiet. Where you stay?"
"My friend's house."
"When will you come back?"
"At the same time as you."
My brother raised his eyebrow mocking me. I sighed and shook my head.
"Mom will be so angry with both of you. The more she doesn't want us to
go, the more we do it."
"I miss you Gen. I haven't seen her in a long time."
My brother, who had the same eyes as me, hugged me with love.
"I love you Gen."
"What's the matter?"
"Whoever hurt you, I will make them pay."
My little brother got off of me and raised his eyebrows.
"Am I cool or what?"
"Am I old or are you confused, I'm not sure, but let's go buy some food."
"OK let's go."
I finally got a bridesmaid dress at an expensive price. It was a waste of
money, but I tried to respect the person I loved by buying the best dress I
could afford. But the bride and groom might be happier if I put that amount
of money in an envelope for them. Great and I made an appointment to
return to Macau together after the wedding. It was very easy to book and
pay for the plane tickets. I had just marked a request and paid with a credit
card. But why was he in such a hurry to get the ticket? Run away as fast as I
could... Everything would happen quickly. Just when she got married, that
meant our relationship would end. Everything would be gone. The hotel
phone rang while I was in the room feeling some sadness inside me. I was
grateful for the call because it distracted me from my sad thoughts.
"Yeah?"
[Someone is here to see you. Her name is Aoey.]
I clutched the phone and hesitated about what I should do. I let her up
anyway. She came to my hotel. I wondered what that was all about. Why
did a woman like Genlong have to deal with something like that? I never
felt so heavy in my life.
I finally opened the door and found Aoey standing at the front door with her
eyes staring at the ground. I looked sadness covering her entire face. This
was not the happy face of a bride. Where was the smile and the sign of
happiness?
"Hey, are you okay?"
"Gen,"
She said my name with a shaky voice, I felt so bad for her.
"What are you doing?"
"I just bought a new dress. I'm about to try it on for your wedding."
Aoey looked into the room and walked straight towards the dress.
"I do not want this."
"What do you want?"
The soft eyes looked into my eyes and pushed me down in the middle of the
bed. I collapsed on the bed confused. The sweet eyes sat on top of me and
she took off her shirt.
"I'm hot and I love you...fuck me."
What she said was direct and tried to make sex sound like something low
and dirty. I closed my eyes patiently. She leaned in to kiss me and tried to
take off my shirt, but I pushed her hands away.
"No."
"I'm getting married tomorrow. Today is the only chance to do this."
"Then don't do it if you don't have the opportunity. Even if I have the
chance, I won't do it."
I pushed Aoey aside and stood up.
"Why are you doing this? Aren't you done stepping on me?"
"You feel nothing. You even bought a dress to go to my wedding. Just do it.
We can both feel relieved. I just want to fuck."
"I spoiled you for a long time. I need to set some limits."
I bit my lip hard.
"Don't test my limits."
"What's your limit? What do you have to endure? You look well. I told you
to come to the wedding, and you're fine too. You didn't feel anything.
Nothing!"
The little girl began to scream louder and louder.
"You said you're in pain. You said I've successfully hurt you since we slept
together on the beach. But I can't say you're in pain now. You're even
prepared to go to my wedding."
"What do you want of me?"
"I want to know if you ever loved me. You did it? You don't mind if I get
married? How can you be okay about it?"
Her sweet eyes cried.
"I don't want you to treat me like that. I want you to feel sad because I'm
about to get married."
"Why would I do that?"
"At least show me that you love me. Tell me you can't stand to see me
marry other people!"
Shentook my dress out of the bag and threw it away.
"I want to see you cry and scream and beg me not to get married. Do
something!"
"I already asked you for that.."
"You told me that you didn't want me to get married because you didn't see
me happy in the relationship. I don't want that,"
The sweet eyes said through tears.
"Why don't you feel anything because I'm getting married?"
I squeezed my hand tightly. Didn't you know me? I was the one who felt the
most pain when I saw that she was about to get married. I couldn't stand to
see her big wedding, but I was there because she asked me to. She wanted
to hurt me and I was hurt. But there was nothing she could help or do to
change the way I felt. She would just go ahead and end that drama....I
realized you had some feelings for me. How could I be happy if she married
someone while I still had feelings for someone else?
The only thing that made her let go was hating me. After she lived for 3
years with that badcard, I left her.
"I don't want to do anything useless. I don't see the point of being sad if you
decided to get married despite the warning I gave you."
I looked at her and tried to keep my voice as calm as possible.
"Don't expect me to be sad. "
"You gave my mother your watch to earn money. We sleep together. What
does all that mean?"
"I got you into a bad situation. I should pay you something."
I sighed and pretended the whole thing was pointless.
"I felt something, to be honest. I'm not a cold bitch. We sleep together, of
course there is a bond."
"But it's just that. I don't feel anything more than this. If you want me to
whisper love and ruin your wedding, I don't think I can do that. This is
Genlong, come on!"
I smiled and pointed at myself arrogantly.
"I will never be someone else's lover. I'm Genlong."
"You said you were in pain and that you wanted to return to Macau.."
"We just went to bed. I may have been feeling possessive of you. But now
I'm okay. It could also be hormones. Well... it was so much fun having sex
with you. I'm not so cold that I don't feel anything. You gave me 10 out of
10."
I shrugged and asked her back.
"When we had sex, it wasn't that we were in love. Can't you separate love
from lust?"
"You're lying?"
She looked at me in disbelief. The bad girl was now losing me when I
responded to her.
"Congratulations. wish you had so many children. When I think of you, I
will think of our fun times when we hadnsex and were handcuffed. That
was fun."
The gentle eyes were filled with tears. She threw my things everywhere and
left the room. I looked at her small body leaving with sadness in my heart.
"I'll go to your wedding. Just what you asked for,"
I yelled. The door closes suddenly. Silence now surrounded me. It was
terrifying. I grabbed my heart with my hand and fell to the ground crying in
pain. That was the time to be sad. I could cry now. It would be useless... to
tell her that I loved her just one day before she married another man. It was
good that she hated me. It was a good outing. For the last 3 years, I left her
with so much hate. She should have been married and she hated me. We
were done
