I could not sleep... I felt so confused. I lost my first kiss. Well, I didn't
count when she stole a kiss from me while I was asleep and I pretended I
didn't know. It was just a touch on the lips. But that was a long and intense
kiss, much more than a simple touch. All night I felt adrenaline rushing
through my body. I was up all night, so I sat down and finished Aoey's
report. I thought I would do better than her.
I'd let it go this time. I admitted I wasn't thinking. I simply followed my
own desire and abandoned my own reasons. Friends didn't do that to each
other. I didn't know why Aoey did it. It could be an act due to alcohol or
intentional. But what scared me was my conscience.
My life... I couldn't have this dark area. I was a woman and I should be with
a man. You shouldn't kiss a woman. But I could still feel its smoothness and
softness in my hands. I looked at my hands and looked at her sleeping body
on the bed. I felt so nervous. That was just by using my hands. What would
happen if I did more than that? What if it changed from my hands to my
mouth? Oh! No! I couldn't stop thinking!! Finally, when the sun rose, Aoey
woke up with a bad hangover around 11 am. I looked at her with
understanding. I made her a supplemental drink to help her feel better. The
beautiful girl looked at me in surprise.
"When did I fall asleep? I felt like I fainted."
"What do you remember?"
"Nothing.."
That had to be a trick. She was trying to get back at me when I pretended to
pass out in the car. Aoey was vengeful, but at least she pretended to forget
about it. That saved my face.
"I was so drunk last night. I drank too much."
"Did you do something strange last night?"
I wanted to test the little trickster girl.... But regardless of whether she could
remember or not, I decided I was going to have to talk about what happened
because I had to put out that forest fire a second time before there was a
third. I was Genlong. I had my own rules and I wouldn't have any dark
spots in my life. Drunk is drunk. That kiss didn't count. I still had my first
kiss.
"You kissed me last night,"
I said normally. She seemed surprised but more surprised than embarrassed.
"Don't you remember anything at all?"
"I fainted. Please don't be offended."
"I could be lying if I said I wasn't offended. You kissed me when there were
so many people."
I couldn't explain what happened to other people. I stood up, wrapped my
arms around myself and looked at her demandingly. I wanted to see her
reaction. But Aoey was always Aoey, so innocent. She believed every lie.
"I kissed you when no one was here."
"I thought you said you couldn't remember."
"But it seems that if you remember..."
She had no answer for that. She must have felt ashamed. I also felt bad for
cornering her like that. But if I wasn't firm about this, more headaches could
arise. Being mean to her was the only way to stop her. I didn't want to feel
like an ant and I wanted to run into honey all the time. It was so dangerous
for me, so I had to be bad.
"If you were drunk, I wanted to tell you that your subconscious was very
scary. We are friends. No friend kisses friends like that. If that was your
plan..."
"You explain it as if it were something so bad. But you kissed me back and
pressed me against the bed. That was also your subconscious and you didn't
even get drunk."
I'm speechless. Both my arms fell to my side. I pinched myself deeply with
my nails. I was under pressure. What I had done the night before was
dangerous. What the hell! I would never admit that I felt... Sensitive too. I
couldn't say that. I couldn't let that happen.
"Emotion of the moment.."
"I simply respond to your emotion. It's human nature. I followed whatever
stimulated me. If someone else likes a man, a security guy or a taxi driver,
she would kiss him back if she was horny. That is normal."
"I excite you?"
I didn't know how to answer that question. I paused for a long time before
finding some reasons to support my explanation.
"I just reflected on what you did."
"I was drunk last night."
"You should never drink again."
"But you didn't do it. How come you respond with so much emotion if you
don't feel anything for me...So why did you kiss me?"
She cornered me again. She wanted me to confess that I loved her, but I
didn't even want to hear that.
"I admit that I felt something last night but it wasn't love that I was looking
for."
"Is it so difficult to admit that you like me?"
"Yes."
"We are both girls and I, Genlong, will only date a man."
I saw the pain in her eyes. I had to turn the other way. My heart was also
aching. The harsh words that came out of my mouth made me feel so bad. I
didn't understand why I had to torture myself either. Should I let my
feelings flow naturally? But I didn't feel good either... Two women in
love.... Two women kissing.... Two women leaving.... Two women having
sex.
"If I hadn't fainted last night, how far would we have gotten?"
The smallest girl broke the silence.
"Why did you pretend to be asleep then?"
I looked into her eyes to show her that I knew her plan. The sweet eyes
looked at me with surprise.
"I was worried that if we slept together, the next morning might not be as
good as we thought because you are like that."
"You can't accept your true feelings."
"It was good that I put you to sleep."
"You don't admire how you feel and you might feel disgusted afterwards."
I didn't understand those types of people. I always wondered how those
people could handle other people's judgment. I didn't hate them, but I told
myself I would never be. So I was embarrassed! I couldn't stand that. I was
sensitive now because we were too close. The only way to make me stop
that feeling was Aoey have a boyfriend or..... Let her get out of my life.
"I won't talk about this again. You have to get over it as quickly as you
can."
"Is it that easy?"
Aoey said angrily.
"Is it so easy for you to forget someone?"
"If we are not in the environment, we can do it."
"What do I have to do?"
"If you don't have a boyfriend..."
I held my breath and said the following sentence like a bad bitch.
"You have to get out of here, out of my life."
"Why are you so mean, Gen?"
Aoey's face was now full of tears. That made me very sad. It wasn't easy for
me to do something like this either.
"Don't make me hate you, please."
"We are together,"
My beloved brother told me happily. That was two days after Aoey and I
had that conversation. To be honest, I was very upset. I was the only person
in the world who knew how I felt but couldn't express anything. I pushed
her and now she found her way out. Hanging out with my little brother...
Great. She chose to have a boyfriend, rather than get out of my life. I felt
hurt. I pushed her as hard as I could while she was still trying to get close.
Poor girl.
"What's wrong, Gen? Why are you so quiet? You look like a sad puppy."
I looked at my brother angrily. I just heard the bad news that they were
dating and now he was calling me puppy. I wanted to bite his head off.
"Well, take good care of her but try not to touch her."
One good thing about that was that she could still know what was
happening. At least I could give some advice. Great also understood that
Aoey had this untouchable status. If it were someone else, they might not
understand it. But how could my little brother handle that? It must be
difficult for him. I talked to Aoey as if nothing had happened. We were
close as always. I tried to forget all the dramas that happened between us.
Aoey now was telling me about Great. I thought you wanted me to know all
the details. But at least they couldn't touch each other anyway.
"Nut, my eldest, asked me about you the other day and smiled and looked at
me."
"How did you two meet?"
I pulled my hair back like I was in an advertisement.
"I am beautiful. He chased me, why?"
"He said he wanted to go out to see a movie again. Why did you date a guy
like that?"
"I give everyone a chance."
"Wasn't it because I was on the Student Committee? You look at him with
distrust. Now I was feeling a little tense."
"What do you know?"
"I knew from Nut that you watched Aoey from afar. You are so cool."
Great bumped my shoulder with his as if he was proud of me.
"And you told Nut to take good care of Aoey. I wondered why all the elders
were so nice to her. You were in the back."
Don't let Aoey find out.
"Stop trying to be cool. It wouldn't be a problem if she knew. She will thank
you."
"She doesn't need to know."
The more she knew, the deeper she would go. I thought it was better to keep
some distance in the relationship. It would be good for me too.
"I want to kiss Aoey."
My brother said it out loud and there was no connection in the previous
conversation. I looked at him and smiled. They just started dating. How
long will this last?
"I want to finish inside her. I want to have sex with her."
I choked on water from my nose and mouth. I coughed hard, very hard.
Great looked at me and cringed. He understood why I was so surprised.
"Y... You. What the hell happens to you? She is my friend."
"That is normal. I'm a man. You are my sister. I can talk to you about this."
"But I am a woman and you are talking about my close friend."
"Should I take her to a doctor to treat this strange habit she has? Why can't I
touch her? It seems like he hated everyone in the world. Is it the same as
you?"
I paused and considered what I should say.
"Well, I can't touch her either."
"It's really not normal if you can't touch it either.."
"Maybe you're not the person she really loves."
"Why is she dating me then?*
Because of me... I wasn't happy because I didn't want to admit the
abnormality in me. After packing my bags and saying goodbye to my
parents, I drove to a shopping center. I had a date with Tod and hoped he
would also bring his boyfriend, Singha. I was just there to be his excuse.
Damn! Why did I accept this? It was like a waste of time.
"You two really don't need me here. No one will know that you two are
dating. I feel like a third wheel here."
I was a third wheel everywhere I went, both Aoey and Tod. How was being
single so depressing?
"I didn't ask you to come today for an excuse or anything. Singha and I just
wanted to see you."
The handsome boy turned to his boyfriend and gestured for him to confirm
it.
"Are you so in love with me?"
"I think you might feel alone."
"Because?"
"Aoey has a boyfriend now. You must feel bad."
I rolled my eyes. I blurted out a few words that Aoey was dating. They
seemed to blame me. I saw it published. I didn't know where the best seller
was, but I could help boost the sale by buying them all at a bookstore as we
walked. I excused myself to go in there. Aoey's book was already. I had just
spent my money on over 10 of the same books. Tod looked at me surprised
when he saw what I did.
"Are they for a gift?"
"Yes, I will give it to someone, but I don't know who yet. I will buy them
first."
"What is the book about?"
The handsome boy grabbed one of the books and read them.
"A love novel?"
"Yes."
"Who wrote this? Why do you have to buy so many?"
"Aoey?"
I barely said a word but he already knew the answer. Well, he was always
smart. I could never hide anything from him.
"Can you put this in my car, Singha?"
I made a request that also sounded like an order. Tod looked at me and
shook his head. She turned to her boyfriend and asked him kindly.
"Could you help her please?"
No protest from Singha. He carried all the books I bought and walked back
to the car in the parking lot, leaving me alone with Tod. Tod seemed a little
upset that I gave his boyfriend an order. But I did not care. Men were
supposed to help women anyway.
"Why are you looking at me like that? I can't stand it alone. I am a small
woman."
"If you want to ask someone for help, you should ask nicely."
"Gen."
Aoey's cheerful voice made me nervous. I was afraid he would catch me
buying all her books. I turned around slowly and tried to look as normal as
possible.
"Hello, Aoey. What are you doing here?"
Once I turned around, I saw that she came with a group of friends from
college, including Jade, a senior who was competing with Great. That short
woman wasn't here. Was she dating another guy? I didn't realize she was
capable of doing that.
"I came to see my book that is on sale today.... Hello Tod."
she greeted,
"Hello."
"You are here with so many people."
I looked around and they were the same group of friends that had gone to
the condo. I thought I'd stop seeing those lousy friends. They took
advantage of her, without any respect. You should only see them for tasks,
but not to be around. I had to talk to her about it.
"I'm a good person. I have many friends."
That sounded strangely sarcastic. It meant that I wasn't nice and that's why I
didn't have many friends. She was a troublemaker.
"What will you do after that?"
"We will go to dinner as good friends."
Oh....here we go again.
"She will invite."
Aoey's fat friend who we had met but never remembered her name said. I
looked at Aoey and felt upset.
"You are so rich. You invite everyone."
"I want to apologize for my bad behavior the other day."
I looked at her friends and wondered if they had any idea how hard Aoey
worked for her money. Now I had to spend at least a thousand baht on these
useless friends.
"That's great. I'm hungry now too. I smiled at Aoey innocently. I'm your
friend too. Let me go with you. Tod will invite everyone."
Tod looked at me and smiled. I said without asking him but I knew that, that
amount of money was very little for him. If he wasn't rich, my mom
wouldn't have introduced him to me.
"Are you okay with this?"
Aoey asked and looked at Tod. The handsome boy looked like he was
thinking and shrugged.
"The more the better."
The agreement between Tod and I was that we were dating because of his
actual situation at home. He had to be my boyfriend in front of Aoey. Her
boyfriend, Singha, was asked to return home first. Otherwise; It would be
too suspicious. We ate at a barbecue restaurant in the shopping center.
Everyone in the group was wearing student uniforms, while Tod and I were
dressed casually. All eyes were on me because they were curious about me.
They seemed impressed with my beauty and curious about what kind of
watch I wore.
"Pateck Philip."
I said it when Aoey's fat friend (I still couldn't remember her name) poked
her head out to look curiously. She asked through her nosy act.
"It was a gift from my father when I passed the entrance exam for the
Faculty of Architecture at Chulalongkorn University. It cost around 2
million baht."
Everyone at the table was silent. Tod looked at me and shook his head, but I
didn't care. Well, I was born rich. That wasn't my fault.
"Your friend is so rich, Aoey."
One of the friends named -Jao- (not sure why I could remember his name)
said casually but I recognized the sarcastic tone. I still remembered when
we played a game that night at my condo but today I was being hostile. But
I enjoyed it when people didn't like it. I had fun bullying others.
"I'm not just rich. I am very rich. I said confidently and put a piece of pork
on the grill. And I'm beautiful too."
"I can tell how rich you are from your condo. The condo is right in the
center and with elegant decoration. There must be more than 5 million."
"There are 7 million."
I continued.
"The common fee is 30,000 baht per year and there is also a gym and a
saltwater pool."
Aoey looked at her friends with an apologetic expression. She felt sorry for
them. I didn't see why I had to do that for them. They judged people by
their accessories and messed with my watch. That wasn't my fault
"Oh, my new iPhone Black 128 Gigabyte is ringing and vibrating."
I saw the name of the caller and quickly grabbed the phone and left.
"Excuse me, I have to answer."
I quickly got up from my seat because I couldn't stand the look in her eyes.
I felt so uncomfortable even though I was the one who tried to intimidate
them. I couldn't understand how Aoey became his friend. The biggest
problem was the one calling me now, Great. If he only knew Aoey was here
with a boy, he might go crazy. I was surprised that it was her boyfriend but
he wasn't there. How could I let her come with someone else?!
"How about Great?"
(How come you are in the middle of Aoey's group?) I quickly looked
around looking for him. I had to be close to somewhere, I didn't feel good
about this.....
"Where are you?"
[Do you know anything about Aoey seeing the other man?]
"I said where are you?"
[I'm in the restaurant... you!]
The screams from the phone made me run back immediately. Now he was
rolling on the ground fighting with Jade. When I enter? I just left. Tod, the
only man there, stepped between two guys. Got some crossfire. Great was
now drunk with anger. I do not hear anything. I was so angry.
"Great! Enough!"
I yelled at him, but he didn't seem to hear anything at all. There was chaos
in the store. Other customers got up from their seats and ran out of the
restaurant. Aoey, who wanted everything to stop, rushed to stop them, but
Great pushed her hard until she crashed into a hot grill filled with hot soup.
Her arm was scalded by the hot soup.
"Hey!"
I yelled at her and ran, but she pushed my hand away with hatred. Aoey
looked at me with contempt as if it was all my fault.
"What!"
I asked in a state of shock.
"This is what you wanted, right?"
"What do you mean?"
"You destroyed everyone around me. You called Great here to humiliate
me. You won, now everyone hates me. No one wants to be my friend and
now just because I'm in love with you, you hate me for it."
"If you hate me and push me away that hard, I will leave your life, Gen."
I will hate you too, gen!!
