Twins: A Different Life Year 1

Chapter 93

There was silence in the room after Severus left. Hadrian hadn't moved from his spot and both he and Lily were looking at each other without words. It was awkward, the air around them was thick with tension and neither knew how to break it. Finally, Hadrian sighed and move forward to take a seat, he pulled his Occlumency shields up to the maximum and drew himself up as if he was in a formal meeting with Slytherin himself. His gaze was piercing as it travelled over her still form, she had not moved an inch since Severus had left and even her breathing was minimal.

Hadrian was taking in her every detail and, astonishingly, he could see parts of his own face in hers, where all of James Potter's resemblance had been removed, hers had not been. That was proof that the woman in front of him was his birth mother, not that he saw her as a mother, but she did give birth to him and had begun to raise him. She was supposed to care for him and look after him until he was an adult, wasn't a mothers love supposed to be the strongest of them all? He was so confused, he wanted answers and the one who could give them to him was sat right in front of him, and he couldn't even get anything out of his mouth. What was wrong with him? He never failed to speak his mind and yet here he was, sat in silence, trying to formulate words to someone who owed him answers.

"Hadrian, I know this must be hard for you. I understand-," Lily began, but Harry cut her off. Her speaking seemed to push him in to sound.

"You understand nothing." He stated, his voice going colder and more detached. "You couldn't possibly understand what is going on in my head." And neither did he at the current time, he had absolutely no idea what to do in this situation.

"I-,"

"What I want to know is: why?" He demanded, cutting her off again, he took a moment to mentally wince at his appalling etiquette skills before he turned back to Lily. He hadn't noticed that had gotten to his feet but he was pacing at the foot of the bed, he was trying to get his mind to focus on one of the things currently flying through his brain but it was exceedingly difficult. "Why did you choose to get rid of me? You were supposed to be my mother, you were supposed to love me unconditionally and yet I was tossed away like yesterdays newspaper."

"I did - do-love you, but with everything that happened I didn't know what to do." Lily tried but Harry snarled at her.

"Don't give me that." He spat, angry at the excuse, "I have an eidetic memory, as well as being a Master Occlumense, I remember everything; everything. You didn't fight for me, you just handed me over. Just like that, like you couldn't care less and to someone you knew hated magic. You sent me off to someone you knew would despise my very being, and you did nothing to protect me. Nothing what so ever, you let me go, you gave me away willingly and didn't care." His voice broke at the end of his rant and Harry was stunned to realize he was crying, he never cried, and yet here he was crying. He hadn't realized how much he hurt. He thought he was over it, he didn't care that Potter had given him up and actively hated the man and he had thought was over Lily too; but apparently he was wrong. His mind was flooded with memories of when he was a baby, he was always closer to his mother, his first word was 'mama' followed by 'Pa'fo" and yet the very same woman that he used to adore had just handed him over. Like he was nothing.

"I may have given you up but I did care." Lily told him quietly, and Harry released a somewhat hysterical laugh.

"And how was I supposed to know that!? I was a year old, I was a baby that went from having parents that were supposed to love me, that cared about me and I had a family with caring Godparents and a solid future and suddenly it was gone. Everything was gone. You vanished to me. Suddenly you were there and then you were gone, no warning, no explanation, you just went. And you didn't take me with you. Do you have any idea how that feels?"
He had never meant to start shouting, he had meant to keep everything in check but it seemed that his shields could not contain all of his built up emotion. Harry hadn't even realized he had so much hidden resentment and pain but now it was flowing through him like lava and it was directed at the person in front of him. His mother. The one woman that he was supposed to be able to rely on, and yet she had chucked him away.

"I didn't know what had happened, how was I supposed to know that it was for 'my own good'? You abandoned me, you chose Rosina over me because of one night, one night that was only confirmed by the apparent omniscient Headmaster. You gave up one of your children, your FIRST BORN CHILD on the word of a man who is a master manipulator. A man who considers everyone around him a part of his oversized chest board and what makes it ever worse is YOU KNOW THIS. You knew exactly what Dumbledore is like, you know how he works and you always have. The amount of times you warned James from blindly following the man were too many to count, and yet when it come down to me, when it came down to a decision that was possibly the biggest in your life; you followed like a little lamb." He had dropped to a whisper and his hands were shaking, he was furiously wrapping his shields around his emotions so he could bring back some control; he needed to get it together.

"Ten years, I've had ten years to stew in the fact that my own parents abandoned me. That my twin sister was the better twin, she was the twin that was wanted because I was thrown away. I've had ten years to grow accustom to the fact that I was unwanted, that I wasn't good enough to stay with the family. A family that I adored, the only people I had ever known, I've had ten years to come to terms that I was ripped away from me by the people that were supposed to hold it together. The strange thing is, it was never Potter that got me, I was never as close to him as I was to you and yet it was you who agreed to let me go.